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Quote:
Originally Posted by
intentionalmamaÂ
It sounds like for her; she really feels like she needs your presence to help her find her way back to her normal state.  It's like she is looking to you to be her rock that will hold her steady. I think of the analogy of the tree blowing wildly in a storm; but how the ground holds the tree in place.  Perhaps this is an invitation for you to be that grounded place; but for her and for you. An opportunity to just be with her in the way she needs; but grounded in love. So perhaps holding her and stroking her back (if she feels comfortable with that), but maintaining a calmness. Knowing that this shall pass. If you can do this, which I am not saying is easy; it is a way to help her feel a peaceful loving strength and a way to model for her that even when things feel out of control, there is a peacefulness/groundedness that we can tap into that lies within us. To just try and breathe through it and perhaps imagine yourself as that rock holding the tree. This may end up being a gift for you in the long run; where will you can learn to tap into that grounded place and also for her.  A way for her to learn of the strength that also resides in her.  When the worries get in the way ie) she is going to be late for school - it may help to think - and that is ok. This is perhaps a more valuable lesson for the both of you. And if sometimes you can't do it - that is ok - you can also feel grateful for being able to appreciate a bit of what she is going through. It may take time; but perhaps if you can look at it as an opportunity for you to grow as well - it may feel worth it.
This is about how I handled my ds's tantrums. He was much like your dd -- his tantrums would often last 30 minutes or more and the whole world pretty much had to stop when he had them. He did not care to be held, but we often had to do so to prevent him from hurting himself or someone else in his rage. :o( I was able to glean from him that his out-of-control emotions were truly frightening for him. The same may be true for your dd. I did my best to model my confidence that he would calm down and eventually learn to handle his anger. (I was not always perfect at this, but I mostly got that message across, I think.) Usually saying nothing during the tantrum was the best course of action for him, but I would talk to him later about it.Â
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I'm happy to report that he has, in fact, learned to handle his anger. The tantrums really started to abate when he was about 6, and got more and more infrequent as time went on. When he did have them, he started getting more control over them -- leaving the room, punching pillows or banging on walls instead of throwing things or lashing out at people, etc. Now he's 8 1/2, and I am very satisfied with how he handles his emotions most of the time. I think the fact that I approached his temper with the intent to ground him, protect him, and hold him accountable (I never "gave in" if the tantrum was in response to a resonable limit I had set), helped him get to this point.Â
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Finally, be on the look-out for "triggers". For my son, the two biggest were being tired and being hungry. We would sometimes not go on a planned outing if he hadn't slept well the night before, it was that predictable! Sometimes a snack would be enough to avert a coming melt-down if we could catch it early enough. (Once it got past a certain point though, it was like a tornado -- you just had to wait for it to pass!) You (OP) are probably already aware of your dd's triggers if any, but for those with beginning tantrum-throwers, it's helpful to know when one is likely.
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Good luck. It's very hard, but hang in there with her and she will mature out of it. I don't want to say "it will pass" because that's too passive. In this case, I think you have an active role to play in helping her learn to calm herself and take control. It just not a fast and easy thing for kids to learn, unfortunately -- it takes a few years.
. I plan to try some of it with DS because he can get himself really worked up sometimes, too. Maybe doing something like that, even going through an easy yoga routine together if you're so inclined, may help your DD. 
