4 year old talks about his toy "killing" babies

[yogagal]

My 4 year old son has been relatively "protected" by us. He watches minimal TV--only Sesame Street and a couple of very tame DVDs (Dan Zanes, Charlie & Lola, SchoolHouse Rock). He has basically no exposure to violence. He is an awesome, sweet kid. He started at a Montessori school this past fall, and became a big brother last spring. He has the usual frustrations with his sister who is now crawling, pulling up, and into everything, including his toys. He will sometimes cry and say he doesn't like her because she messes up his stuff, but 80% of the time they have a wonderful relationship and he is very loving to her. Lately in his play, he has been saying "mommy, this toy kills babies" when dancing around with a knitted scarf, and swinging it near his sister. He says it very matter-of-factly, and cheerfully, not angrily. It of course makes me a little protective of the little one, and slightly worried about him, but not really. Mostly I don't know how to handle it. I have said "oh, I don't like that. Hurting a baby is a terrible thing. We never want to hurt a baby," or something along those lines. Do I say "we don't talk about killing in our family?" Or something like that? I want him to be able to express his feelings, if that's what he needs and don't want to shut him down. But I also want to make clear that really hurting a baby is totally unacceptable. Today when he said he didn't like her, I tried to talk about the difference between liking someone and not liking their behavior. I am also feeling reticent about leaving them alone for a few minutes, even while I run to the bathroom. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions for gentle ways to deal with this?

[nextcommercial]

Is it something that actually COULD kill a baby?  Maybe he's making an observation.  

It doesn't sound like a threat... while I'd be disturbed by it, I don't think it's really a problem.  I'm just one of those oversensitive people who can't handle ugly talk of any kind.  I can't watch the killing part of animal shows (Blue Planet) So, those kinds of statements really upset me, but it's just me.  I think actually thinking about it and talking about it is probably fine and healthy.  

[yogagal]

You know, I never thought about it that way! We have warned him to be careful about swinging the scarf around because we don't want her to become entangled or strangled, or even knocked down (which has happened), but otherwise it's pretty harmless. I could have just jumped into being freaked out before thinking of it as an observation. It's totally possible. Maybe I could just approach it from that perspective next time--thanks!! :-)

[simplygreen]

Well my son has been "protected" by us as well. and I hear from him on a regular basis that he is going to chop me into pieces and put me in the gargabe can, that he is going to shoot me etc. This has been ongoing for at least a year (he is almost 4, and has an older sibling) It still bothers me, but I don't seehow he could have intent. I allow him to be angry, and I think he has no idea really what the meaning is to what he is saying. at this point are trying to make a game out of it, I think he says it when he most needs my attention. I hoope I'm doing the right thing... I have no idea where else it comes from.

[mamazee]

It's completely normal and is probably about issues regarding having a new baby.  Kids play out their aggressive feelings, and that's the healthy way to deal with them - through play instead of in real life.  If he seems actually aggressive toward her, I woudn't leave them alone together at all though.

[meemee]

first know it is a v. age appropriate behaviour. it may not be a very common behaviour but it does happen to many kids. 

has he witnessed death in the family? has a family member or pet died that he knows about? has he brought up the question of death?

i am not even sure he makes the connection between killing and death. not sure if he even connects that death = gone forever. 

its freaking you out because you are making that connection. 

for him killing = wish my sister would leave me alone sometimes and not mess up all my things. 

nah. i wouldnt worry about it. or even pay attention to it. 

death killing is a thing i seem to find kids hardwired to. they dont need to be exposed to it. dd wasnt when she began her killing and death and body parts falling off stories. when my dd did it (as a story not as a way to express frustration as your son does) i joined her and turned it into a joke removing focus from the death aspect of it. at that age dd was trying to understand miscarriage. seh was waiting for our cat to give birth, but cat miscarried and 'absorbed' the babies. 

i would totally ignore his words on killing. that is NOT the point. i would focus on what he is going through. his emotions. i would never say we dont talk about killing in our family. that is focusing on 'your' issues with killing not his - kwim. i would help him see (and no its not too early to start this) that this is what life is all about (let me tell you saves them a lot of heartache by the time 5 and 6 hits).- the 'good and the bad', two sides of a coin. honor his feelings and frustrations. 

this toy kills babies is the truth right as pp pointed out. 

the key mama is if he hasnt brought up death yet - get ready. this is the first sign of that coming up soon. 

no mama you are not the mother of a psychopath. you CAN leave them alone. he aint gonna kill his lil sis.