Having 2nd thoughts about tandem nursing, wondering if older ds has weaned?

[blessedhome]

I thought I let my first few children self-wean, but it wasn't until I did some reading when I realized I'd indirectly weaned them, through the early introduction of solids and using pacifiers..

So this time we exclusively breastfed (no solids for 18 months, no pacifiers, etc). BTW the late intro to solids was recommended by my Ped, as this was also due to food allergies found in the other children. When he was 22 months old, we conceived our 5th and I kept right on nursing. When he was around 25 months, my let down stopped and then a couple of weeks later, my milk was gone.

I noticed he then really bumped up  his desire for table foods and became a great eater.

He only nurses during the day for maybe 2 minutes, just for some comfort. When I'm not around, he's fine and never asks for Mama or Num Nums. When I'm not around at night, DH has no issues getting him to sleep and again, no asking for me or to nurse.

But when I am around, he insists that he simply can't go to sleep without nursing. And this includes middle of the night wakings.

I'd planned to tandem nurse, as it sounded incredibly great before, but since my milk dried up, his latch-on is quite painful and I'm starting to get painful stinging sensations in my breast. Suddenly, the thought of tandem nursing doesn't sound so great. I already find it overwhelming that I'll need to nurse an infant on demand while meeting the night nursing needs of my 2 1/2 year old, which are fairly frequent, albeit short.

And since he doesn't ask/need to nurse when I'm not around, it makes me wonder if he really has simply self-weaned, but nursing to fall asleep when  I'm around has become more of a habit?

We tried putting him in his big bed two nights ago. He was really excited about it and went down easily. I did nurse him to sleep. He woke up at 12:30am, not happy, and crawled back in bed with me. Last night, he went down easily, slept through until 4:30 (he's never done that before), and then happily came into our room, where he crawled in  next to me, but then dry nursed for about 2 hours, switching from one breast to another every few moments.

Should I even attempt a 3rd night? I have no intention of weaning him to a pacifier, as that sounds odd to me and now wondering if I just need to "vanish" for a couple of days?

So, any thoughts? Does it sound as though he's self-weaned? His quick nursing sessions are needs or habit?  Or does it sound as though he still has a genuine sucking need?

[Marissamom]

to me it sounds like he does still have some comfort/sucking need. my DD started not needing milk when I wasn't around at 15 months, but clearly still has a need to nurse, she just knows if mama isn't around then nursing isn't an option (and didn't care to have bottles when DF tried to give them to her). 

[ann_of_loxley]

It doesn't sound like he has self weaned.  Because of pregnancy, your milk has dried up - maybe he is still getting a little taste?...eventually that milk will come back in (probably when the baby is born - though maybe a few weeks before) and he will hit the jack pot! haha (usually when children are this age, they remember how to latch on and suck - if they are a bit younger they can often forget when the milk goes and so have no choice but to wean).  Some people are okay with this - I think its nice that if you are planning to CLW, that when your milk does come back in, your son will get that chance to wean when he is ready.   

I think it is very rare for a child under the age of three to self wean - and depending on which source you read, there are many who would agree with that.

Tandem nursing is something I have never wanted to do - so we have large age gaps (and will do between the second and third when the time comes! :)) - But I hear that 'Adventures in Tandem Nursing' is a great book and I have a close friend who is tanden nursing and has read the book and she agrees so I highly recommend it via her! :)

[EzzysMom]

Jsut wanted to say that I had a tough time nursing while pregnant, but by about a week after the baby was born, the creepy icky feeling went away with nursing my older one. She's happy to have more milk, although now that she's bigger she needs more reminders to be gentle.