Are you ladies really having good luck with online dating? (okcupid)

[Mama Soltera]

So, I have finally given it a shot and, I have to say, it's not helping. I am not really finding any "matches." I get a lot of messages and such, but even when we supposedly have a lot in common (and I don't think the computer is all that good at defining that), I just do not find them really appealing or attractive. Maybe it's having too much information about people before knowing them? I have met up with a couple and... I just don't even know what to say! Help!

[Mama Soltera]

Oh, and I don't mean I don't know what to say to them. I've done fine keeping the conversations going... I mean, I don't know what to say to you about it. lol

[lah7]

I talked to a few people, but for the first 6+ months, it was a bust if I'd actually been wanting a connection or actual dates. There was never anyone I was interested in conversing with, so it was mostly just putting myself out there and seeing if anything came along.  But then I finally found someone I clicked with, and we went out about a week later (on my first kid-free weekend after we began talking) and we've now been together almost two years.  He was the only person I went out with from the site (plentyoffish), so I either got really lucky, or just have low standards. 

[Everrgreen]

Yes!!

I signed up for eHarmony last summer, was on for 3 months, and didn't end up meeting anyone in person.  But, I think that was mostly because I didn't feel ready.

I signed up again for eHarmony in January, got a match within a couple days that I was interested in, communicated online for 2 weeks.  Then we met in person and had an instant connection.  We have been on several dates and talk on the phone everyday.  He is amazing.  I feel so lucky to have met him :) 

[NolaRiordan]

I've tried match.com, chemistry.com, plenty of fish, and OKCupid. Have not had much luck with any of them. Have had some e-mail correspondences that go on for a while and you think things are going well and then poof the guy disappears and you have no idea what happened. I know lots of people who have met nice guys on line. But I'm beginning to feel that the online dating thing is just not for me.

[Mama Soltera]

Thanks for your responses. You know, I've tried to be very open-minded about all of this and tried to give people a chance that normally, physically, I wouldn't. You can't make yourself attracted to soomeone you're not attracted to though. I do think online dating is just not me. I also think I can't just not date ever, and I don't have opportunities to meet people in daily life. So, it's all pretty frustrating and discouraging. I just don't think online pictures and profiles really represent a person at all. Even email exchanges. And I am ready, trust me -- that's not the issue. I would say maybe I'm too picky, but like I said, I tried to be more open and that didn't work. What's a girl to do?

[Mummoth]

I met my SO on OKC. His profile wasn't like any of the others I'd read. mostly, I found the way that people present themselves on there was... bizarre. Pretentious, maybe? What I liked about his picture was that he was outside in it... it wasn't even a good picture, but he was clearly having fun. Everyone else I talked to/emailed with, it was mechanical... like they were C &Ping from interactions with previous girls, too polished/practiced, maybe? I don't know... I think when you meet the right person it will be natural.

[LoveOhm]

I don't think it's for everyone ---- you just have to find what works best for you.  I know a few people who have found long lasting "matches" even husbands from online sites especially match.com.  The two times I have tip toed into online dating sites have not really been that compelling, but honestly they serve as a good ego boost when I wonder if I will still be attractive (as a single mom) to "the one".  The first time I tried POF and was really unimpressed with the emails, etc. and just recently I joined match and paid for a one month membership but I knew after less than 24 hours that it was not worth the money. 

My thoughts thus far for those who are going to consider online dating:

Online should not be the only method you use to meet a SO

Define what you want and be selective in what site you used based on what you are looking for and the type of people that site attracts

All in all I don't think it will be the way I meet the one but it is a nice way to pass the time on lonely nights at home.... and who knows where it may go.

[Mama Soltera]

I guess too that it really weeds people out quickly when you can look at opinions they have that go against yours immediately. These are usually the ones who look good to me. Then I see some of our differences in opinion (on what are big issues to me) and stop even considering them. I don't know if this is a good or bad feature. The ones I apparently have the most in common with do not look good to me. I feel bad saying that but it's kind of hard to force yourself to be atrracted to someone when you're just not.

[fawnanddoe]

okcupid has been really hit or miss for me. One big perk is that I have made some amazing friends from it. I met another single dad who has 2 DDs, we never dated but he's been amazing.

As for dating, I haven't had much luck with it. I went on a few promising dates but nothing ever panned out. I'm super picky too and there just hasn't been anyone who I have corresponded with that has "wowed" me, but I'm not giving up hope!

[Phoenix~Mama]

I met my BF on OKC.  :D   I did not meet him right away though.  I got my fair share of vulgar emails, some okay mails, but just did not click with the person, or was attracted to them, and some of the mails that others have mentioned that seemed "polished"... I did feel the match system helped in the weeding process, for sure.  I did meet a few people that became friends this way, before I met BF.  I liked the fact that I could look at all the match criteria for the important could be deal breaker questions, such as religion, politics, etc.  It gives a good starting place.

At first I did have a lot of matches that I did not neccessarily find super attractive either... but sometimes people just are not that photogenic.  I will be honest and say I wasn't 100% attracted to my BF's profile pic... but, there were so many commonalities in his profile, and he was just genuine, and funny in his write up... I wanted to meet him, and give him a chance in the real world realm.  I am so so so glad I did.  I'm totally attracted to him in person, the chemistry is off the charts.  lol 

You are totally right... you cannot make yourself be attracted to anyone... but I will say, I would have really really lost had I based meeting my BF off of some profile pic alone.  If there is enough spark in the profile, it can't hurt to meet up for coffee and get a better feel for physical attraction.

[sparklefairy]

I totally agree on the "photogenic" concept. I met a guy last week who looked so much better than his picture... and I have the same issue, that I am much more attractive in person.

It works better for me to meet people in person sooner rather than later. Can't get much from email, and I've found myself in the situation where people feel that the relationship is more progressed than I think it is based on the amount of online correspondence we've had.
 

Originally Posted by Phoenix~Mama 

I met my BF on OKC.  :D   I did not meet him right away though.  I got my fair share of vulgar emails, some okay mails, but just did not click with the person, or was attracted to them, and some of the mails that others have mentioned that seemed "polished"... I did feel the match system helped in the weeding process, for sure.  I did meet a few people that became friends this way, before I met BF.  I liked the fact that I could look at all the match criteria for the important could be deal breaker questions, such as religion, politics, etc.  It gives a good starting place.

At first I did have a lot of matches that I did not neccessarily find super attractive either... but sometimes people just are not that photogenic.  I will be honest and say I wasn't 100% attracted to my BF's profile pic... but, there were so many commonalities in his profile, and he was just genuine, and funny in his write up... I wanted to meet him, and give him a chance in the real world realm.  I am so so so glad I did.  I'm totally attracted to him in person, the chemistry is off the charts.  lol 

You are totally right... you cannot make yourself be attracted to anyone... but I will say, I would have really really lost had I based meeting my BF off of some profile pic alone.  If there is enough spark in the profile, it can't hurt to meet up for coffee and get a better feel for physical attraction.

[Mama Soltera]

Yeah, usually I go right into the meeting part. I have one who I've written with a lot though and I'm only attracted intellectually. I have tried to keep in mind the photogenic aspect (and some people look great in photos and not-so-great in real life), but they're just not what I expected when I meet them in person. They've been nice and all but, I do think I'm pretty picky. I've only had one or two creepy emails luckily. And I did have a man who was nice but had no social skills basically interviewing my uterus and looking at me like a kid in a cancy shop. I guess I'm just not sure how long to give it.

[Martha27]

I just joined that site just to check it out not really necessarily looking for someone and have been talking with one guy that actually seems really nice. I live in a rural area were people in generally, let alone normal single guys, are scarce so I was suprised to find someone on there that lives close by and seems like a person I might actually like to meet up with sometime.

I can't tell if i'm really ready for this kind of stuff since STBX and I officially seperated only 2 months ago, although to me the marriage has been over for almost a year and a half :/ and I feel like I want to meet new people I will just be taking things slow and just seeing what happens.

I will say it's nice there are some sites out there that don't cost money and can be somewhat normal

[ZoeyZoo]

I met my XH through an online site so it does happen. My feelings are that the online dating pool is similar to the real world dating pool. You see a little bit of everything... creepy, nice, not so nice, etc. I personally am most attracted to chemistry which is really difficult to tell online, IM, or e-mail so I really need to meet a person. I never felt the matching formulas could predict that so it was a lot of boring coffee dates before I had a good conversation. 

[Mama Soltera]

Well, I ended up deleting my account. It really wasn't working for me at all. And is it just me or is everyone on there amazingly a major extrovert? That seemed strange to me.

[ZoeyZoo]

I think most of the profiles just sound canned. Sometimes they are presenting themselves how they wish they could be or how they see themselves (which is or isn't correct). Everyone writes similar profiles... I'm complex, can't fit myself in x amount of words, etc. It can be a great way to meet various types of people you might never have met. But I think there is a HUGE benefit to the old fashioned way in that you already know there is some chemistry.

[mimim]

I wish we could share profiles on here. That wouldn't be safe though and I imagine it's against the UA anyway.

I've had a bunch of good experiences with OKCupid. I think it's a skill that needs practice to develop. You have to play around with it and meet a few duds before you get the knack. I find it's best to go in to any date with the attitude that you will enjoy the experience of the date and not worry about what comes next. I think meeting people in person is just as tricky. I have had even less luck meeting men I liked for more than 2 or 3 dates in person than online. That might be partly my personality though, because I really don't want to have to go out too much. I'd rather surf around on a website from the comfort of my own home.

[rubelin]

my experience with OKC has been good in general. I've had an account there on and off for over 3 years and have met some great people and had some lovely dates, a couple short FWB relationships and one of those guys has remained a good friend. I closed my account again before Xmas because I was just done with dating and needed some space but in the last month I've had some major closure with my ex and feel like I've gotten my groove back so I started over at OKC last month and have already made a few connections with great people, even better than my previous experiences. I think it has a lot to do with where you're at and what you're looking for. My profile is really honest, and really long and this time I added NO wiggle room to my match questions and I will only communicate with matches of at least 90% (aside from a polite 'no, thank you' note). I'm also finally back in a space that I was before I got married of being really committed to something great and not in a rush for it.

I also have noticed that your age makes a difference. Now that I'm closer to 40, the pool of men has changed. Luckily they now only show you matches you also are interested in your particular stats (instead of showing you mostly guys who want someone younger or older) and that's helped a lot, too

[Martha27]

ok, question for all you who have used OKCupid- when someone does send you a message and you read there profile and just aren't interested do you write back a message or do you think it is better to just not write anything?