WWYD school question

[Spring Lily]

We believe our 4 yr old is very bright and think she'll likely be considered "gifted" (both my husband & I were labelled gifted in school). It makes us concerned about her early school experiences. We are worried about her being bored, and considering that she flew through kindergarten and 1st grade workbooks at age 3, we also worry about her not being challenged enough to really explore her potential.

Now we're stuck with two school choices and I'm hoping to get some input from mothers with school age children. DD is our oldest so I need some BTDT insight!

1) We found a charter school that we feel really great about and have been accepted into already.
Pros: The teachers are motivated, they encourage each child to explore creatively and intellectually, and the classrooms are multiage so it's easy for bright kids to join more advanced grades for certain subjects, if it is what they need. Needless to say, this school really addresses our fears.
Cons: With our schedule, it would require an hour of driving in the morning to make the school drop offs. Also, it's far enough away that it's not in our community and all of her friends and connections would be there, and we are planning to send her to jr and high school in local district.

2) Then there's the district that is literally a few yards away from our house (so close....yet so far)
Pros: all of her and our friends will be attending kindergarten there. Including her preschool classmates. It's the community we've been part of for years. it's where we're happiest, where her best friends are. It's where we do afterschool activities, playgroup, go to the park, and where she currently attends preschool.
Cons: Our own district doesn't usually give our transfers, so it would be a big ordeal to fight for one. And if we did magically get one, we'd have to reapply every year, so there would be no security about her school. There will be 30 kids & 1 teacher in kindergarten, and a traditional environment--which brings up our schooling fears again.

The other big thing is that my DD is incredibly sensitive, cautious, and emotional, so being with friends is a major thing for her. Going to kindergarten with no friends would be traumatic.

Right now I feel like we're split between deciding to put her in an environment where she'd do well academically and an environment where she'd do well socially and emotionally. I feel physically sick about it at this point, I am so stressed.

So...what would you do?

[whatsnextmom]

For starters, relax! Remember, anything that is done can be undone. If something isn't working, you try something else. As long as you are paying attention to what your child is really feeling and not projecting your worries and reading into things that aren't there, things will be totally fine. I have 2 kids now 10 and 14. We have been through just about every accomodation available. We've tried all sorts of things. We've made drastic changes mid-course. We've been surprised with what has worked and what hasn't. We learned that what sounds great on paper isn't neccessarily a fit for our children or not perfect enough for the sacrifices it requires. We have a happy 5th and 9th grader no worse for wear and giftedness is not a stress at all any longer.

Explain to me about the local school. It is your home school correct? I don't understand about the "transfers." Your home school has to accept you unless it's a magnet, charter or immersion type school. Are you saying they don't give transfers should you want to leave the district? Usually, transfers are easy to get when it comes to magnets and charter schools. After initially accepted, the annual reapplication is just a formality that must be done. Both my kids currently have transferes in place... one out of her highschool district for a magnet and another within our district for an immersion school. It's not an issue.

Do not decide about elementary based on middle and high school choices. She's 4 and you really have NO idea what she's going to need or want 6 years down the road. You don't know what other options will be available. Socially, so what! Few kids really hold onto elementary friends when they move campuses and blend with several other schools. So what if their friends are spread out. If you are willing to drive an hour for school, I suspect you'd do the same for a birthday party.

An hour commute every morning is tough. We now commute 30 minutes to DD's highschool at the crack of dawn and it's tough. Personally, we rejected an elementary charter much like you described due to the hour in traffic commute to school. It was just not the quality of life we wanted and that is just us.

Don't make assumptions about kindergarten. Kindergarten can have much higher expectations than the workbooks sold for it. It's really not about counting and shapes. I mean, my DS had to write a paper on Lincoln in kindergarten. Granted, it was only 5 sentances lol but that takes a lot more skill than the over-the-counter 1st grade workbooks. How a gifted child reactes just depends on who they are. Kindie was a disastor for my eldest and she was moved to 1st after Winter Break. My youngest LOVED kindergarten despite ability.

Go with your gut. If you try the charter and the commute is killing the family, transfer to the home school. I'm pretty sure they have to take you. If you try the home school and it's just not working, continue to explore other options. It's normal to worry and stress but don't let it consume you. Truely, any mistakes or misteps can be altered. As long as your child knows you are on her side and listening to what she needs, she's going to be great!

[sapphire_chan]

I think the school that is next door to them is in a different district? Which is insane. Schools should be in the center of their districts.

Oh, no wait, I see, it's the district boundary that's just that much too far away.

[Linda on the move]

What is your local public school like? I don't understand why why a charter school and an out of district school are your only two options.

The hour drive in the morning would make me bonkers, but lots of families do things like that. My kids go to a private school and there are several families with VERY long drives to get their kids back and forth. Have you done the drive during the times you would be dropping her off and picking her up? If it's an hour in the middle of the day, it might be even longer during drive time.

I don't think that being with new kids is a reason to make the decision. Yes, it will be really stressful for her the first day or two, but she'll quickly make new friends. She's stronger than you realize.  Just because it's new, doesn't mean that she won't do well socially and emotionally.

There are kids who don't do well socially and emotional at a traditional school. It why some families end up driving so far to schools that let kids work at their level, like the one my kids go to!

[Spring Lily]

Sorry, I wasn't very clear!

Our local school & district is terrible. Really, really bad. On the list of the worst in the state. We moved here before having kids thinking by the time we have some going to school we'd have moved, but we didn't realize the economy would crash and now we financially aren't in a position to move. The local district is not an option to us, so we have to transfer if we go to public school. The other choice is homeschooling, which I have seriously considered as well.

Also, the drive isn't an hour, but when you factor in that my younger kids have to be dropped off at preschool near here, I'll end up spending an hour doing drop offs in the morning.

The transfer for the charter school won't be a problem, but the transfer to the district where DD's friends are would be the problem. Hope all that makes more sense!

How a gifted child reactes just depends on who they are. Kindie was a disastor for my eldest and she was moved to 1st after Winter Break. My youngest LOVED kindergarten despite ability.

This is true. And I think DD would love kindergarten regardless of the school, because she's passionate about school. It's more the 1st, 2nd, 3rd grades where issues may start to come up. The gifted programs here don't start until 4th grade, so there's that gap in between. It's so hard to look ahead and make choices now! I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I'm just so worried about putting her into a situation that isn't right for her, because she's so sensitive that she doesn't handle being around strangers well. I so badly want to give her the best chance and not have to face some of the school issues that DH & I went through.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

Also, the drive isn't an hour, but when you factor in that my younger kids have to be dropped off at preschool near here, I'll end up spending an hour doing drop offs in the morning.

The transfer for the charter school won't be a problem, but the transfer to the district where DD's friends are would be the problem. Hope all that makes more sense!
 

I don't think that how long it takes to drop other children off counts because you'll be doing that anyway. If you do the out of district but closer school, you'll be driving her anyway (those deals don't tend to include transportation). And even if she were going in district, you'd most likely drop her off rather than doing the bus.

So what REALLY is the time difference for you? An extra 20 minutes? An extra 40 minutes?

And, what is going to happen  at the end of the school day? Do all the kids get out at different times? Will she stay at school and daddy will pick her up on the way home?

My advice would be to make the best choice you can *for next year* and not try to figure the whole thing out at once. Many kids end up making a switch as some point for all sorts of reasons.

[KCMichigan]

My twins are in a similar boat.

We are opting to *try* a nearby open enrollment multi-grade theme based public school for K (it is a K/1 mixed class) over our local 'traditional' K. 

It will mean an extra 15-20 minutes of me driving each way  (so 30-40 a day) vs riding the bus up the road to the traditional school, but the multi-grade school starts in July- traditional not until late August. So if we decide that it does not work , we can try public local traditional school.

My DDs (twins) are both really advanced readers, way above average in science/social studies, and a bit above average for math/writing. One DD is socially delayed. We have considered homeschooling, but one DD is so social and really benefits from her current completely play-based preschool.

We will have none to few friends at either school choice next year (post preschool) since the preschool they are at is feed into by about 4 school districts and over 15 elementary schools. No matter where we go they will have to find new friends.

I really really think both my DDs will enjoy K (especially if it is mixed age) and getting to know the routine of the multi-age school.The theme based format will most likely appeal to both of them. They DO NOT have a gifted program since the curriculum is easily adapted to different levels and multi-grades. If we are not happy with it, we can try our local traditional school. There is no way of knowing until we get there.

In your situation- I would attempt the charter school. Find other parents and possibly carpool- at least if it is closer than 20 minutes you could set up weekly playdates easily. Even if it is an hour- once a week for playdates would not be a big burden if you met somewhere in the middle. If it does not work out, try something else.

As PP said-- whatever you attempt is not written in stone. You can redo, undo, or attempt something else.

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

 I'm just so worried about putting her into a situation that isn't right for her, because she's so sensitive that she doesn't handle being around strangers well. I so badly want to give her the best chance and not have to face some of the school issues that DH & I went through.

I am currently worried about having to relive all the crap that I went through with my child - or if it's not the same crap then a related kind. I have to tell yself that I made it after all, and so did DH, and my father, and they did not have the support that I hope to be able to give my child.

Spending an hour doing dropoffs does not sound so bad, as long as it isn't all in the car. can you apply to both schools and make the decision based on whether you even get a transfer?

[Spring Lily]

You guys are really helping me think about this, so thank you!

I just looked at the bell schedules and calculated what the driving times would be for drop off and pick up. With the charter school, it adds 40 minutes in the morning and an extra 25 minutes for pick up. That is over an hour of extra driving per day. And my twins, who will be 3, will be in the car for that whole ride. I should mention, my kids are not the "sit quietly in your seats and look out the window" kind of passengers.

The extra time for pick up also means that my twins will have to wait an extra half hour before getting home for lunch after preschool, and I'm sure they'll be starving. So I can imagine a lot of tired tantrums in the car as we drive around all the time.

I wish I could pick up the Charter school and move it close to my house to make the answer more obvious.

[RiverTam]

So...what would you do?
 

I'd suck it up and take the charter school opening. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but it sounds like you really  like the school. If it gets to be too much, you can try your local public school district/the other district next year.

I don't mind the commuting too much.  I worked part-time when my kids were babies and I drove an extra 30 minutes in the morning and extra 30 minutes in the evening to get them to a daycare that I was satisfied with. My kids also currently commute with me to work because they go to a private Montessori school about 10 minutes from my office.

I do wish that my kids were better connected to the other kids in the neighborhood. We're the oddballs because we don't go to our public elementary school.

BTW, if your district is one of the worst in the state, check to see if your elementary school is on the "bad school" list for No Child Left Behind. If it is, the school district has to allow your child to transfer to a non-failing school.

Also, a school district may be on the "bad school district" list and still be a good place for a gifted kid.  One of the "worst" school districts in my area is also the only school district that starts gifted education in the first grade. They make an extra effort for gifted kids there. It's really a very good gifted program.

[RiverTam]

Thank you for this! I needed to hear it!

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

We have been through just about every accomodation available. We've tried all sorts of things. We've made drastic changes mid-course. We've been surprised with what has worked and what hasn't. We learned that what sounds great on paper isn't neccessarily a fit for our children or not perfect enough for the sacrifices it requires. We have a happy 5th and 9th grader no worse for wear and giftedness is not a stress at all any longer.

[physmom]

We've made a very similar choice as you and I agree with what you said.  I'd also take the charter school and see where it goes from there.  The commute doesn't sound fun but if you plan ahead with snacks and the such it might not be too bad.  We really fell in love with a Montessori school that is about an hour away from our work by bus (closer to 20-30 min by car but we won't have a car at first).  We purposefully found an apt closer to the school than work but it's still going to be a lot of driving during/public transport during the day. 

Oh, one thing that DH and I plan on doing is switching off pick-ups/drop-offs.  Is there any way you and your DH could switch off?  FWIW, I'm a big proponent of child-led learning and multi-age environments for kids so I probably jump at the chance at a charter school that does that even with the distance!
 

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

I'd suck it up and take the charter school opening. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but it sounds like you really  like the school. If it gets to be too much, you can try your local public school district/the other district next year.

I don't mind the commuting too much.  I worked part-time when my kids were babies and I drove an extra 30 minutes in the morning and extra 30 minutes in the evening to get them to a daycare that I was satisfied with. My kids also currently commute with me to work because they go to a private Montessori school about 10 minutes from my office.

I do wish that my kids were better connected to the other kids in the neighborhood. We're the oddballs because we don't go to our public elementary school.

BTW, if your district is one of the worst in the state, check to see if your elementary school is on the "bad school" list for No Child Left Behind. If it is, the school district has to allow your child to transfer to a non-failing school.

Also, a school district may be on the "bad school district" list and still be a good place for a gifted kid.  One of the "worst" school districts in my area is also the only school district that starts gifted education in the first grade. They make an extra effort for gifted kids there. It's really a very good gifted program.

[joensally]

My kids have never attended our neighbourhood school - so it means we "commute" for social stuff.  <shrug>  I never attended my local school, and I had two sets of friends - home and school - and liked it.  I actually feel it helped my social development and personal flexibility.

Is it half day kindie?

I would feed lunch in the car.  It will keep them busy and they can go off and play as soon as they get home.

Is there a preschool near the charter that would change the schedule to the better?

[sapphire_chan]

One thing though, actually go and look at your local public school. Schools can get horrible ratings for things that don't actually reflect the quality of the school. For instance, a school with a large ESL population will have lower reading comprehension scores because they are included in the testing when they reach functionality in English not fluency.

I mention this because in another thread a mama was talking about her wonderful NCLB-failing school.

[Spring Lily]

These posts are really making me want to go with my gut, which is the charter school. Maybe we can make it work.

Other charters--no, there are none in this area. I don't really know why. I've talked to many people and researched it, there just aren't any.

The local schools--DH & I know a lot about the schools.The whole idea is off the table for us for a slew of reasons.
Edited by Spring Lily - 12/18/11 at 11:22am

[whatsnextmom]

Consider asking the charter if there are any carpools in place or whether they find their population open to those sorts of things. Even if there is no one in your nieghborhood, just having to drive half-way a couple times a week would be better than the full way everyday.

Driving, well, you get used to it. My kids went to local schools for elementary but their activities are all 25 to 30 miles away. They do theatre and that can be daily rehearsal and shows, late nights, ect. Now we commute to DD's highschool but it's worth it. The difficult part isn't so much the commute as the fact that she must be at school at 7 am.... totally brutal for a teenager.

[mom2ponygirl]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

Consider asking the charter if there are any carpools in place or whether they find their population open to those sorts of things. Even if there is no one in your nieghborhood, just having to drive half-way a couple times a week would be better than the full way everyday.

The carpool idea is great.  Not only does it cut down on driving, it gets you a social connection at the charter.  Also, potentially a friend in your general area if they aren't too far apart in age. 

[loraxc]

Second carpooling--DD attends a charter with no buses and we carpool. If the charter does not bus, there could easily be other parents looking to split the load.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Spring Lily 

That is over an hour of extra driving per day. And my twins, who will be 3, will be in the car for that whole ride. I should mention, my kids are not the "sit quietly in your seats and look out the window" kind of passengers.

The extra time for pick up also means that my twins will have to wait an extra half hour before getting home for lunch after preschool, and I'm sure they'll be starving. So I can imagine a lot of tired tantrums in the car as we drive around all the time.
 

I may get flamed BUT -- have you considered a DVD system for the car and letting them eat while watching DVDs and driving around?

(I know the myriad of reasons why this is a bad idea, but I like happy times when my kids are quiet and life is sane. Tantrums BAD -- quiet children GOOD )

Also, if you go with the charter, does that mean that your kids are all assured spots there? The other school sounds like it's hit and miss year by year for each kid, and surely eventually having them all in one spot is a goal.

I also like the carpool idea -- some of the families in our school do it. The office tries to pass around messages, and people can put notices in the weekly newlsetter.

[pigpokey]

Have you thought about virtual public school, or home schooling?  That's a lot of driving and with other kids who would have to come...

I have one K age this year and one 1st grade age.  I home school them both together on the same work, but at this age the amount of sit-down work they need to do to stay well ahead of age grade is very light so it would not be difficult to differentiate -- or to school one of them while minding twins.