Cant get the quoting thing to work because my connection is playing up- i hope what
wrote is intelligible.
<<If we're speaking about the book, the definitions are important as they are used to explain Neufeld's concepts. I'll try to sit and find his specific defs this afternoon and post more.>>
Great idea, thankyou! I read the book over 2 yrs ago, so dont have a memory of precise definitions. I do recall reading most of it, rather than just skimming. I may have skipped some essential sections i guess.
Stormbride <<I'm going to have to read the book again. I don't remember anything about extended family being desirable. My grandmother was the single biggest threat to our relatonship with our parents, so I'd be very doubtful about that if I read it.>>
Yes, i remember clearly his advocating the importance of extended family, which puts alot of us without close extended family in a dilemma. (But im pretty sure he would exclude toxic relatives as Elisheva said)
Elisheva <<Neufeld<<Peer bonds have come to replace relationships with adults as children's primary sources of orientation."
The parent - or another adult acting as a parent substitute - is the nature-intended pole of orientation for the child
Peer bonds have come to replace relationships with adults as children's primary sources of orientation>>
Again, although I agree in principle with the argument of the book, when I saw my own son in action, it didn’t seem to fit. Nowhere, to my knowledge/memory, does Neufeld address the introvert/extravert issue. I do feel, that even with solid orientation to his family, my sons love and need of peer interaction makes him more vulnerable to the peer pressures talked about in the book. I mean, I don’t know, he’s only 5. But I have seen him pick on his little brother to impress his peers
Karne <<But we are the compass, and she is peer oriented.>>
This clarifies things for me somewhat.
But still doesn’t explain to me how to deal with the vulnerabilities of an extravertive child
Stormbride <<He's separating - heck, he may be moving out in a few months! - but I still know what goes on in his life, in a general sense. He still knows I'm here if he needs guidance. And, his friends also have parents who are involved and are around, as well. These aren't people who have just been cut loose to figure it out on their own. As far as I can tell, the parent orientation and solid family attachments they've all been blessed with have given them a very good foundation for healthy, positive peer attachments, as well.>>
Karne <<I'm parenting an almost teen, and I find that peer orientation is part of the package, and I would worry if it wasn't. It doesn't really impact our family in terms of parents being the "compass". We are. I found the book interesting, but not really relevant, esp. as a more experienced parent. It doesn't make sense, to me, to fear or try to keep away the normal process of separation that kids go through>>
Its so interesting to hear from people with older kids like this.