My daughter is eight days old and her father hasn't contacted me yet...

[smeep]

 woohoo!!!!!!!

A mutual friend posted on his Facebook the day after she was born saying that his daughter was born. (Way to go to let everyone know he has no clue because he doesn't care to know. lol) He never gets online so it may be weeks or longer before he even sees it. But apparently his sister saw it and asked what her name was. And I don't doubt that his sister told their parents. But I have no clue if ex knows. He lives out in the country but he has a phone now, so who knows but I think it's pretty likely that he's heard by now. And I have yet to hear from anyone. Not him or his family. YAY!!!

For a couple days I would get so nervous every time the phone rang, afraid it would be ex trying to get as hold of me but since then I've been fine. Yet at the same time I'm insulted and angry that at least grandparents and aunt know but they haven't contacted me. I don't want them to but it pisses me off that my baby girl doesn't really mean anything to them. I suppose that's normal?

Oh, and mutual friend says ex and his ex-fiance-now-gf-again are broken up again. I strongly suspect that she is the only reason why he ever kindasorta said something about the baby twice since September. So I'm hoping that with her out of the picture there's no push for him to have anything to do with the baby and that he'll stay gone! 

[Kwan*Yin]

Congrats on the new baby and just truly keep your focus on her and you. Your ex and his family don't need to be a thought in your head. It's very possible the family does care but family loyalty can get in the way. I've been dealing with that and I found it best to just let go. Too much drama anyhow. My daughter has me and that is all that matters. Enjoy your babymoon and don't answer any of his phone calls period. After my babe was born I did take a phone call from her dad and it just brought more unneccasary drama into my life. Just stay focused on your own well being

[AttunedMama]

Honey, he doesn't have the same standards, the same gauge of time that you have. What "8 days" means to you, and what it means to him do not balance out.

I feel that all of the 'psychic' or virtual connections between you and he are a really uncool thing. Are you able to fully disconnect? All social connections can be undone instantaneously, all emotional ones may take a little more active effort on your part. I would wager it would be worth the work.

[LoveOhm]

Congrats on your new baby!!! Enjoy your wonderful bundle of joy and rest as much as you can.  Kiss your baby, feed your baby and sleep when the baby sleeps, everything else is secondary.

[smeep]

Thank you for all your kind words, ladies. 
 

Originally Posted by Kwan*Yin 

Congrats on the new baby and just truly keep your focus on her and you. Your ex and his family don't need to be a thought in your head. It's very possible the family does care but family loyalty can get in the way. I've been dealing with that and I found it best to just let go. Too much drama anyhow. My daughter has me and that is all that matters. Enjoy your babymoon and don't answer any of his phone calls period. After my babe was born I did take a phone call from her dad and it just brought more unneccasary drama into my life. Just stay focused on your own well being

Yeah, I thought about it for a couple days after I found out that his sister knew (why mutual friend feels the need to tell me anyway, I don't know). But all is well now. I was also very annoyed with DS's biodad's family the same way. But I got over it, though it took me a LOT longer than it has this time. 

I don't know if he'll call the house or not as I told him I moved. But I have no intention on answering if he does call. I don't answer any numbers that I don't recognize, I'm too paranoid. lol 

Originally Posted by AttunedMama 

Honey, he doesn't have the same standards, the same gauge of time that you have. What "8 days" means to you, and what it means to him do not balance out.

I feel that all of the 'psychic' or virtual connections between you and he are a really uncool thing. Are you able to fully disconnect? All social connections can be undone instantaneously, all emotional ones may take a little more active effort on your part. I would wager it would be worth the work.

You're right. They're not the ones with the little cute baby! I'm working on fully disconnecting. As I said above, I'm okay again and back to where I was before I found that out. And that means the only thinking about him I'm doing is trying to figure out who she looks more like and trying to remember if he had dimples (I was a little too successful on blocking out his face in my mind ).

Originally Posted by LoveOhm 

Congrats on your new baby!!! Enjoy your wonderful bundle of joy and rest as much as you can.  Kiss your baby, feed your baby and sleep when the baby sleeps, everything else is secondary.

Just about all I do is feed her! She nurses so much that I don't know if I'll recognize a growth spurt, haha. But I do get pretty good sleep at night, no need for naps! 

[StephandOwen]

Congrats on your little sweetie!!

[smeep]

Thank you, Steph!!! 

[AttunedMama]

I would cut contact with the friend. Just be unavailable. I mean, if that person is really active in your life and actually helping you care for these kids, then surely they'll understand not to 'leak' or share information, right?  But if it's just some person you used to know that now you just have on FB, well, I'd ax it for sure. It's not possibly worth it! From what you've mentioned about the situation, it seems that any reasonable person would appreciate the need for a complete move-on/away, and would choose the 'side' that they needed to.

Enjoy your baby girl. There was a great poem that a Mama had on here about getting the best ofthe stupid-ex, and not needing more. Sounds like you did just that.

[smeep]

Yeah, I just don't respond to those things. She also said that I should call his parents and that just because ex is a jerk doesn't mean his parents shouldn't be in baby's life. I didn't respond to it. I do agree with what she said, though but it just isn't feasible. If they're in her life then that means most likely HE would be in her life and I can't have that. If I knew he would stay out of the picture completely and his parents wanted to be around then I would let them, no problem. But that's not the case and, besides, they haven't contacted me so I'm surely not going to bother contacting them. If they care enough then they'll get a hold of me, period. In any case I'll just ignore it if they do.