Does anyone know of a forum to get tips or advice on single moms sharing a home?

[MamitaM]

I'm considering this as an option but really want to be sure it's the right choice for me and the woman that I'm thinking about proposing this option to.

[Shanny2032]

I am not sure if this is a resource that will help you but here it is

http://www.coabode.org/

here is my personal experience:

My sister is the single mother (split from Dad about 1.5 years ago) of a 4 year old girl and I am a SMBC to a 2 year old girl.  Last summer we were living in apartments - I was upstairs and she was downstairs.  We decided to rent a house together, give the girls more space, a yard etc.  We have regretted it almost from day 1.  There are a ton of reasons for both of our parts but it boils down to just missing our own space, time alone with our girls and parenting differently.  Some of the little things we didn't think about - she wants to go out at 7 pm on a Saturday night but I don't really want to have to take care of my niece (I am a full time Nanny for a 3 year old girl and I really just want my time with my daughter at night and on the weekends to be just us), so does she hire a sitter who than sits at the house with me making everyone uncomfortable?  Her daughter usually (it isn't very consistent) visits her Dad every other weekend - my daughter follows her around talking her ear off for the better part of 2 days.  She finally has some "alone time" and yet she has a 2 year old in her lap 1/2 the time or has to leave the house just to have some peace (she is a preschool teacher for 2 year olds in the morning and an afterschool Nanny as well).  Of course we love eachother's girls but it just never stops.  It HAS gotten better but the girls fight A LOT.  It is a weird dynamic because they aren't quite like siblings (my daughter has a very sibling like relationship with the girl I Nanny for and they don't fight nearly as much as the cousins).  So it was initially like they were on a playdate that the Mom's just let go on too long because they were enjoying a cup of coffee or something.  One of the other big issues has been cleanliness, or lack thereof on the part of some people.  Being sisters of course has added to the dynamic but if either of us could turn back the clock we would never have made this decision for our families.  Our lease is up this summer and I am planning to buy a house and she has already picked a new apartment but I really wish I would have had a crystal ball and saved us all the drama and moving etc.  In hindsight we have lived together twice before as adults and should have known better and for my part I realized that if you are 38 and not partnered and choose to become a single mom it might just be because you don't want to live with anyone, relinquish control etc. so a roomate probably isn't the way to go.  I would look at your past relationships (romantic and otherwise), living situations (roomates, family etc) and think if it really will work for you, your kids, YOUR personality.  If it is possible to do any kind of trial run (vacation or the other family spends weeks at your house 24/7 or vice versa) that might help.  We all went to Hawaii together in one hotel room for 9 days just before moving and the writing was all over the wall so to speak.  I wish you luck and I am sure there are people who have had much better experiences but I am glad you are doing your research and carefully thinking about it. 

[MamitaM]

We're sorta doing a trial run now in a way with out really meaning to. I'm helping them take care of their mom so it's easier for me to spend the night during the week instead of going back and forth to my place every night. I did fine until Thursday when I started to feel homesick. I think if I had a few more of my things and more of my own personal space it would have been better and a little less stress for me. We've sort of mentioned the idea a little, but not seriously. We'd need to sit down and have a chat and then think about it all but I really want to get some tips and ideas first to see if it really us something I'd like to really consider.

[JordanKX]

I am considering the same thing. I need to rent my Master bedroom (which I think would be the best for a Mom, or Anyone, to be honest). But I worry about Moms and Kids. While it SEEMS like a good thing to do, sharing space with another Mom, there are so many conflicting thoughts.

Awaiting others responses.

[mexicali mami]

I've been thinking about getting a roommate a lot recently due to financial constraints.  After reading that post it seems like I might be better  just getting a cheaper place somewhere else.  Or getting a new job.  I had great roommate experiences in college.  But now with a son and at 33 years old....might not be that cool.

[AugustLia23]

I've been doing it for about 6 months to be able to stay in my huge 4 bedroom house. While it hasn't been perfect, we do just fine and being able to swap childcare has been great. I think there is a definite benefit to living with people of different mindsets/ideas.

[Devaya]

I agree with a PP that it's good to think about how your past experience of sharing has been, as whatever issues cropped up then, are likely to again. I've had to be ruthlessly honest with myself and realise that as much as I'd love the support and companionship of sharing with another single mother, I don't think I have the resources, time and energy to be committed to doing that myself for another person. It's not quite the same but i shared a house with a single father for a few months and it was an unmitigated disaster. VERY different parenting styles being the main culprit, as well as housework issues, as well as our differing levels of ability to be around for each other, with our different commitments. I think it can work if you have a big enough space and are very compatible people, but best to really talk it through beforehand (which I didn't do - I was just in a big hurry to get a place, being homeless at the time!), and talk about your values as parents and so on. If they don't mesh, or anything doesn't feel quite right, then maybe not.