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Traditional Catholic Moms Spring/Summer 2011 - Page 13

post #241 of 293
Quote:

Originally Posted by JMJ View Post

  I would not recommend any of the saliva monitors available for charting to avoid.

Totally agree on this. TBH, I don't see the surprise in getting pregnant in the situation we are discussing. The chances normally would not have been great, but still...  I had read long ago of babies where sperm had survived about 7 days. While nursing, I personally would consider phase 1 problematic. With abstaining, I think some of the books by e.g. Gregory Popcak might be helpful. I always have to wonder if there is something going on (addictions, wrong attitudes, something) if abstaining becomes too difficult. This is not aimed at the OP, just in general. Babies are, while they are so wonderful, full of sacrifice for the parents. So is abstinence.

 

Our short term foster baby arrived some days ago and we are in love. Feeling very blessed---- and scared. I would appreciate prayers that God's will happen in where she will be placed.

post #242 of 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy View Post

Our short term foster baby arrived some days ago and we are in love. Feeling very blessed---- and scared. I would appreciate prayers that God's will happen in where she will be placed.

Glad to hear this news, LTB! Is there any chance the baby would remain with you long term? Just wondering how that situation works.
post #243 of 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy View Post
With abstaining, I think some of the books by e.g. Gregory Popcak might be helpful. I always have to wonder if there is something going on (addictions, wrong attitudes, something) if abstaining becomes too difficult. This is not aimed at the OP, just in general. 


Interesting point.  I would have to say, in our situation, DH has not always had the best attitude and I have always felt pressured (not just by him but in general) to accommodate everyone's needs.  DH has been having more of a spiritual awakening since the conception of our twins and he is just responding...differently...to required abstinence this time.  Instead of being irritable and grumpy after a week or more of abstinence, he is finding it possible to still be loving and tender while being able to respect reasonable boundaries.  Maybe it's just exhaustion. ;)  But, I think for once he has recognized just how very difficult it is for me to spread myself so thin and is being mature enough to wait.  

 

I've been wanting to read Popcak's books for awhile.  Do you have a favorite you can recommend?

 

Prayers for your fostering situation!  It takes a special family to be able to do what you are doing!

post #244 of 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy View Post

Totally agree on this. TBH, I don't see the surprise in getting pregnant in the situation we are discussing. The chances normally would not have been great, but still...  I had read long ago of babies where sperm had survived about 7 days. While nursing, I personally would consider phase 1 problematic. With abstaining, I think some of the books by e.g. Gregory Popcak might be helpful. I always have to wonder if there is something going on (addictions, wrong attitudes, something) if abstaining becomes too difficult. This is not aimed at the OP, just in general. Babies are, while they are so wonderful, full of sacrifice for the parents. So is abstinence.

 

Our short term foster baby arrived some days ago and we are in love. Feeling very blessed---- and scared. I would appreciate prayers that God's will happen in where she will be placed.



I am definately not a good example of how NFP works. We have this problem above. My dh has past issues that do affect his sex drive and abstaining for him is very challenging. We usually end up obstaining about 10 days unfortunately for me it needs to be closer to 15-20. I have conceived on a dry day I have conceived 5-7 days from ovulation (those 2 are girls:)). We are really really struggling (and have for a while) for how to persue our fertility. I feel very strongly in leaving it up to God and using NFP when necessary, dh is taxed physically and emotionally and feels like such a failure in regards to abstaining. It really affects our marriage as well. We go to adoration regularly and say the rosary on this together on a regular basis and we are hoping that God will give us some direction that we both feel comfortable with.

 

I wanted to mention about the head covering as I was called to do so for several yrs before I finally did. There are thousands of parishiners at my parish and I am the only one that covers. No one has noticed as far as I can tell. I chose to be fairly discreet and use very wide headbands, scarfs, and sashes in a variety of colors. This is for me and how I choose to honor the lord, I don't want to stick out if at all possible. I really am grateful I made that step.

I have a few of these and a denim one as well. They work great.

 

As far as our babies name I think we are leaning towards arya and that will just be a variation of the saint Aurea. We are settled on a middle name (after dh's grandma) and unfortunately it is not a saints name.

 

Hope everyone is well.

We are in the home stretch. I am 38 wks 1 day today. baby seems to be doing well. Prayers would be much appreciated.

post #245 of 293

Congratulations on the new foster baby, LTB, and praying for you all as you go through the process of placement.

 

As far as the abstinence required for NFP to postpone/avoid pregnancy, I am blessed to have a husband with an amazing amount of self-control, and I realize that it would be much, much harder if my husband had any less self-control and very very difficult indeed if he pressured me at all to give in.  I think that praying for, fostering the development of, and practicing self-control in all areas of life are very important for building up that self-control.  I find personally that when I do any sort of fasting or abstaining, after an initial difficult period, it builds up my self-control in many other areas of life.  Another important thing for me is to look outside of myself, to fight against selfishness to be able to see and do what is best in the situation, not just what I want.

 

In the area of NFP, this involves looking at our own situation.  If we are trying to avoid pregnancy, then presumably (according to Catholic teaching), we have a very good reason to be doing so.  Most of DH's and my postponing has been because my body was in a place (either because of health problems that we were working on or breastfeeding causing a short luteal phase) that we feared that conception would result in miscarriage and felt called to get my body into a place that would allow for a healthy pregnancy before attempting to conceive.  It really helped us through some sometimes very long periods of abstinence to look outside ourselves and realize that our own selfishness could very likely result in the life and death of a child that we would never get a chance to baptize.  Even as we carefully and conservatively used the infertile periods, we had to acknowledge the fact that sex is procreative even if we are not procreating, and we would rejoice in God's wisdom if he chose to use our actions to create a child, trusting that he would make everything work out in his divine providence.  There is never, ever a time that sex is not about fertility.

 

Feel free to use this same idea with your own situation.  If you have made a decision that getting pregnant again at this time is not in the best interests of your family, then acknowledge that falling into selfishness is quite likely to result in doing something that you believe to be not in the best interests of your family.  Acknowledge that it is not being loving to your spouse; it is selfishness.  (I'm not referring to spouses who are giving into the demands of their husband/wife.  That is a really tricky situation, and depending on the situation, I think it may be more loving to not refuse one's spouse.)  This is the opposite of the life-giving love that we are called to as Catholics.  If you have a grave reason to avoid pregnancy, your resolve must have just as much gravity.

post #246 of 293
Thread Starter 

Hi ladies.

 

I just wanted to check in and let you know that I am alive, the baby is developing fine.

Still no decision yet as to what will happen once the baby is born.

 

You are all in my prayers.

 

-P&L

 

PS: I formally enrolled in the Transitus Oblates of the Last Martyrdom on the feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows.

post #247 of 293

I have a strange question (and hopefully a good laugh) for you other Catholic mamas.  My very creative 2.5 year old happened to discover a bottle of holy water and a spare toothbrush today, and when I walked in to check on her, she was sprinkling holy water on the toothbrush in attempt to brush her teeth.  After I get over being horrified/amused, any suggestions for what to do with the toothbrush in question?

post #248 of 293

I would just wash it and not worry about it.  It's not as if it was formally blessed.  The blessing was in the water. 

 

(Course I am a convert and may be missing something important.)

 

 

I have a question, too.  Is anyone here gluten free?  How do you handle communion?  I just read a statement by a bishop in our state who is advising to return to communion predominately under one species and saving the chalice for special occasions,  But I am going gluten free/ dairy free to see if it will calm my IBS, and so all this is a little concerning to me.  Although, I suspect my priest would just continue both species in any respect; he's just that sort.  I'd just like to hear personal experiences.  

post #249 of 293
Thread Starter 

Contact the Bishop's office and talk to them about your gluten-free-ness.

You may be able to receive from the chalice at Communion.  However, there will be a portion of the host in the Blood so it will not be totally gluten-free.  Also, one cannot have gluten-free communion wafers, they must still contain wheat to be viable substance.

 

On a side-note- I would find it worrisome to have a priest that disregarded directives from the Bishop.

post #250 of 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatienceAndLove View Post

On a side-note- I would find it worrisome to have a priest that disregarded directives from the Bishop.


 

Umm, yeah, I've gone round and round with this priest, but it's the only parish in the city.  Looking forward to moving in the next year hopefully.  

 

The note did not come from our diocesan Bishop, so it's not directly relevant at the moment, but it is not the first I've seen recently either.  

post #251 of 293
Thread Starter 

Phoenix and Madison are the only diocese I have heard of that switching back to the way it used to be, esp since the indult expired in 2005!

 

Sorry to hear about your priest :-(

I would say "can you go to the next town?" but I figure you have already looked into that.  Prayers for ya, and your priest!

post #252 of 293

Our diocese neighbors the Madison diocese.  We did try a few of the closer parishes, but it is extremely hard to feel in a community with a parish you do not live close to.  We are rather involved at our own parish, dh taping Mass for shut-ins every other week and I do the parish scheduling.  But because of dh's work/school schedule, adding travel for Mass on the weekends on a regular basis is just too much.  We do make a point to attend a more traditional parish for Reconciliation as frequently as we can manage, since another of our priest's quirks is not being very committed to Reconciliation.  It's only scheduled every other week and even then is often canceled for other commitments.  He thinks confessing twice a year is plenty enough for anyone (and is the schedule he keeps).  He actually has said no one in the parish is a major sinner, so why go frequently (during First Reconciliation prep)?  This priest came in a year or so after I converted and it has been really difficult for me.  In my former evangelical life, if you don't like your pastor, you find a new church.  But our Church is bigger than this pastor, and I am enduring until God makes way for us to leave.  

post #253 of 293

Glad to hear you're doing well, P&L! Praying for your situation.

post #254 of 293
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mylilmonkeys View Post

Our diocese neighbors the Madison diocese.  We did try a few of the closer parishes, but it is extremely hard to feel in a community with a parish you do not live close to.  We are rather involved at our own parish, dh taping Mass for shut-ins every other week and I do the parish scheduling.  But because of dh's work/school schedule, adding travel for Mass on the weekends on a regular basis is just too much.  We do make a point to attend a more traditional parish for Reconciliation as frequently as we can manage, since another of our priest's quirks is not being very committed to Reconciliation.  It's only scheduled every other week and even then is often canceled for other commitments.  He thinks confessing twice a year is plenty enough for anyone (and is the schedule he keeps).  He actually has said no one in the parish is a major sinner, so why go frequently (during First Reconciliation prep)?  This priest came in a year or so after I converted and it has been really difficult for me.  In my former evangelical life, if you don't like your pastor, you find a new church.  But our Church is bigger than this pastor, and I am enduring until God makes way for us to leave.  



I shall pray for you and for your endurance.

And good for you and your DH for sticking to your commitments with your parish, despite the issues with your pastor!

 

post #255 of 293

Are there any Catholic mamas out there that are in 'limbo' for a lack of a better word about babies, having more, preventing, or just deciding?  We have 3 kids that are great but there have been some strain with me and I am not dealing with stress very well.  I fear another child joining us and at the same time I mourn not having another.  I was deciding on some more preventable birth control just this week when I hear the neighbor has a little girl and my mom calls and asks if I am pregnant...so she can tell me of the cousins that are newly prego. 

 

I have so many feelings going around that I can't seem to figure anything out.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

JennP

post #256 of 293
Thread Starter 

*hug*

Sorry you are in such a place.

I would recommend sticking with NFP and closely following the rules- no playing loosey goosey.  Keep praying with your husband about postponing for now. The Lord will move you when the time is right to bring a new blessing into your family.

Have you talked to your doctor about the stress you are feeling?  Is it stress or is it depression?  It's important to know either way, because treatment is different for both.  You can't be a good wife and a good mama if you aren't getting any treatment you might need.  I know that, until I started to get treatment for my depression, I was in a sorry sorry state and couldn't do the things I needed to, nor be the person I needed and wanted to be.  After finding the right medicine and getting a counselor, I was able to really start living my life.

post #257 of 293

JennP - hug2.gifI think having three was probably the most stressful for me.  If your kids are closely spaced (mine are about every 2 years, more or less), then you are still doing so much for each of your children and they can't do much for themselves.  But, it won't be long before that oldest child will be big enough to start taking on little tasks on a regular basis.  I really encourage you to train your children to do household chores up to their capability.  If you are at all familiar with Montessori, she really emphasizes how children thrive on having useful tasks to accomplish, and they may be capable of more than you realize.  By the time #4 came around, #1 was finally able to handle fetching snacks or making a sandwich for his siblings, reading them books, entertaining them, or even sweeping up a spill.  I have always felt that raising my oldest two (B & G) is the most stressful because each new stage they go through is new to me, too.  By the time the younger ones get to those ages, I am more relaxed and familiar with what to expect and can deal with it without so much stress and drama. 

 

As far as birth control, I highly encourage you to reflect on the Church's teachings about why ABC is not acceptable.  There is a world of wisdom in this teaching, from the physical side effects, to the spiritual and psychological side effects.  The book "The Good News about Sex and Marriage" was helpful for us.  There is also "Theology of the Body for Beginners" and of course the primary documents of the Church, Humanae Vitae and Pope JPII's actual Theology of the Body addresses which have been collected into a volume.  Pray for the Holy Spirit's wisdom and be open to learning what a great gift and responsibility our fertility is!  

post #258 of 293

Hugs, JennP.  I think the call to responsible parenthood is one of the most difficult to live out.  So, we're supposed to be generous, not selfish, but so often, it is so difficult to determine what is generous and what is selfish.  We often think of having children as generous and holding back from creating more life as selfish, and that is sometimes the case, but sometimes the opposite is true.  Sometimes, it's generous to acknowledge your limits so that you can give generously or selfish to just want to hold another tiny baby or to not wish to use sexual self-control.

 

One thing that is abundantly clear in our Catholic faith is that we always maintain an openness to life.  We are called to try our best to discern and follow what we believe to be God's call for our family, and usually he cooperates with us, creating children with us in the fertile time and not in the infertile time, but sometimes, he has other plans for us, and we need to seek to be open to that.  Some couples struggle with unplanned pregnancies, and others struggle with infertility.  It's not all in our hands, and we shouldn't pretend that it is.

 

What does God want for your family?  Family planning is a part of our vocation, not something we just decide on our own.  Is God calling you to have another child?  Are there some things in your life that he is asking you to work out first?  Is he telling you that you have a lot going on right now and need to wait for some things to change before you can even consider having another child?  Is he asking you to just raise the three children that you already have, and that is all he is calling you to have?  It takes prayer and openness to try to answer these questions.  Then, it takes trust and self-control to seek to follow God's will while maintaining openness to life.  Then comes the need to be open to things changing.  You may find that God isn't calling you to have another right now, but some months or years down the road, that changes, or you may find that over time, he takes away your feelings of wanting one more and gives you more of a sense of peace with the children you have.

 

That is one of the great things about Natural Family Planning.  It's not doesn't have to be permanent or even long-term, and it is always open.  Your discernment is really only for right now (though you may have an overarching plan); you can always change later if you feel a call.  It's not set in stone.  If you haven't considered the Church's teaching on Natural Family Planning, I would encourage you to look into it.  I think a lot of times, our culture focuses on the negatives of NFP when there really is a lot positive about it that we don't hear about very much: health for us and any children we conceive and nurse, spiritual openness, self-control, communication between spouses, environment, and more.  It's not just the Church trying to tell us what we can and can't do, but really, our Holy Mother Church seeking our best interests in so many ways.  If you haven't ever considered it this way, I encourage you to take a look.

post #259 of 293

Our baby girl is here!!!

Saphira Arya June!!!

10/16/11 8lbs 10 oz 20 inches long.

I am in love and so relieved although not as relaxed as I had hoped. Really really hard to trust Gods plan when it is in regards to the lives of your children.

 

As far as family planning dh and I have really really struggled with this. I am hoping that my breastfeeding amennoriah (sp?) will last a yr as is typical for me and give us some time. My dh has some issues (that he is aware of but not really working on) that make abstaining very challenging. Using NFP has not proven to be very good for our marriage and causes a lot of stress, etc. I absolutely will not do anything permanent to my body, it is so hard. I am hoping the lord will really speak to DH and help him with his challenges and frustrations with NFP. 

We really do have grave reason to avoid adding children to our family so it is just about figuring out how to prevent pregnancy (at least at this time). Dh is disabled so doesn't work outside the home, his work in the home is limited to how he is feeling, we have found it is the best for our family for me not to work outside of the home so that leaves very very little money to live on. Dh is exhausted and in pain which gives him very little patience and energy and we have 5 children so that is definately a challenge.  I have appreciated this thread and the support that I have gotten in the past on this matter.

 

 

post #260 of 293

Just quickly asking for prayers: Our short term foster baby might be moved with parents soon, and it is not a good thing. Parents seem to have no intention of not using substances, so I think baby would be back in the system within weeks of months. Bios truly seem to think there is nothing wrong with their parenting (or lack of it). We really need a miracle here, either for the parents, or that the parents will be given the chance to make a mess of things before getting the baby, instead of with the baby. Thank you!

 

After years of secondary infertility, I am shocked to say that I am pregnant. I am doubtful, grateful and confused, but mainly just feel like something watching a story with interest, seeing God's plan in action. As DH put it, we might have one child next summer, or 3, depending on the pregnancy and the fostering situation.

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