Nightweaning, nursing to sleep and transition to big girl bed

[Wendlynnn]

Hi Mamas, We partial co-sleep with our almost 3 yr old DD. She starts off in her own crib and comes into our bed between 12-2am. I nurse her to sleep (though there was a period like 4 months ago that she was nursing and then laying down in her crib to go to sleep with me next to her on the floor - this took a LOT longer than nursing). During the night there is a nursing blackout until about 4am and then I nurse her off and on until about 6:30 when we wake.

Now she is getting too big for her crib and we're contemplating getting her a big girl bed. I'd love to use this time to transition her to regularly falling asleep off the boob and in her bed and also possibly ending all the night nursing as well. Not sure if I should keep a morning nursing, will probably keep a before bed one - just don't want her to fall asleep that way.

DH and I would like her to spend more of the night in her own bed. I also would like DH to be able to put her to sleep sometimes. Any advice on how to make these transitions?

Am I trying to do too much at once or is this a good use of a new situation?

Thanks!

[abm79]

Although I know some people would advocate doing it all at once to get it all over with, I think you may be very right that it's a LOT for your little girl to take in.  Each one of those changes is a pretty big adjustment in a toddler's life and you want to make sure she remains comfortable and feeling secure during these transitions.  I would start with weaning her off the boob to fall asleep as that will make the other transitions easier.  You could start by letting her feed, but as soon as she starts to doze, take her off the boob and try rocking with her to sleep.  And slowly start taking her off earlier and earlier.  And once she's off the boob, it may just be lying down with her in her bed for a bit will help get her used to sleeping in her own bed (and with a big girl bed that should be more doable).

Most of all, just make sure she knows you're always there for her during this time because it will be stressful for her :)
 

Good luck!

[LizzieRed]

We are doing all at once: new room, big girl bed, and no more night nursing.  My DD is 2 1/2 and VERY attached to night time nursing, anytime that we have tried to set limits on night time nursing we've completely failed.  With her temperment, age, and my sheer exhaustion we are just hurling ourselves headlong into this and hope that we get a positive result in a week or so.

I say you have to gauge the number of changes on the individual child, some will manage, some wont.  My daughter is very active and intense, she can't understand limits, so we're just going all or nothing (in this case nothing). 

[LCBMAX]

First step for us was total nightweaning, at 25 months. Then I moved out of the bed and daddy moved in. He's still not sleeping totally separately but daddy has been putting our 3 yo son to sleep for about 7 months. We started in early summer with mama milk in the rocking chair ONLY, then an ergo walk with daddy, and daddy would do a slow excruciating transfer. Mid summer he began rejecting the ergo, so daddy started reading him to sleep. This is still pretty much what happens, but glory of glories, I can actually also read him down without milk (!!!) if daddy needs to be away, or if we're travelling separately, and even sometimes just for fun. For my guy, personality-wise, slow and steady wins the race.

[dancinganya]

Hi Wendlynnn,

I am wondering what you decided to do and how it went?  My daughter is 2.5 plus and I have been battling with nightweaning, getting her to fall asleep with Daddy, and the like.  Did you find some success?

Thanks!

dancinganya

[msspellingbee]

  Oh yes, we are just now working this transition with our 26 month old daughter.  We co-bedded from the beginning and if we had room for a bigger bed might still be three tucked in, but oh my, she is NOT a sharer of covers or space or mama!    I was very happy to find one of those Ikea extendable beds that is as wide as a twin (an actual twin bed would have been too big, did I mention the smallest apartment in the world?).  That gave us enough room for me to lie down with her and nurse her to sleep.  We did that for afternoon naps in the beginning and then began to start our evening there.  The first night she was so thrilled with the novelty and spent most of the night there (until 3am) but wanted to spend the next two nights "in our big big-bed mama!" before she slept in her "little big-bed mama!" again.

  I think it was important that she knew she was always welcome to come back and sleep with us. Next, I nursed her to sleep and then about 4am she would call out and I would either join her in her bed or pull her into ours.  Now she is sleeping through the night (6:30-6:00) and I realized that we have night weaned as well.  I go and join her about 1/2 an hour before we actually have to get up so we can nurse (and I can doze a little more!)  I think having those nursing sessions before she goes to sleep and before she wakes up helps bridge the change-over.

  What's really changed is the daytime nursing.  She is nursing more than she has in the past year and seems VERY attached to me.  She spends the day with me as I care for my nephew so I wasn't expecting separation issues this late in the game but here we are.  I think that she is still working out how to feel connected with me, which involves LOTS of boobs?  I don't think that she needs/wants to come back to our bed full-time so I'm just rolling with it (nursing with it! ) but I wonder if there is anything else I could offer her?

  Sorry this is a little disjointed, I'm working it out as I type as it's only been a couple weeks since we started.  Overall it's been easier at night than I thought (I had so many contingency plans) and harder during the day (no contingency plans at all).  Isn't that always the way! 

[dancinganya]

We are not exactly nightweaned but the nights when my husband takes over more (the last two nights for example as I've been battling a rough cold), my daughter is definitely more clingy during the day.  I had tried to institute special time with her twice a day and I think it works well when I actually do it (I time it for 10 minutes and do whatever she wants and announce it as special time).  It does reduce some clingyness as she knows she has me to herself during those times.  Just a suggestion for msspellingbee, as you mentioned clingyness during the day.  The theory is that if you do it routinely (preferably twice a day for 10 minutes each), they will know to expect that time with you.