or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Special Needs Parenting › Does she "seem" like she has Aspergers? (Video)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Does she "seem" like she has Aspergers? (Video) - Page 2

post #21 of 81

Could the recently-discovered gluten intolerance have anything to do with the scratching?  And from other posts, I know that you have several family issues going on.  I would not be surprised if that "tic" is related to anxiety over the unstable home environment, to be honest.

post #22 of 81

Asperger's tends toward getting diagnosed late because as a preschooler the usual differences seen in certain areas of development have barely departed from their peers if at all.  I have a child with Asperger's.  He is eleven and there are a few ways in which he is still like a three year old.  Well, obviously when he was three and four and five those particular areas did not seem out of step--yet.

 

I do not think that you can tell anything from this video.  So many people thought there was nothing wrong with ds until he was a few years older.  If I did a video now you would probably be able to tell easily FWIW, but not when he was three.  At three we had no idea, but there were just a few odd things.  I think people also look for particular typical "autistic" traits when they think of Asperger's and those ones are not always obvious and each child has a different mix--some you might expect may be entirely missing but not rule out the dx.  Affectionate and talkative children don't come across as autistic but my ds was a very friendly preschooler overall.  Our ds is also very imaginative and plays pretend--although it is in a rigid way and he attempts to control the play of others when he plays with them.  His diagnosis actually mentions his creative and eccentric "deviant thinking" that is quite unusual for Asperger's but his dx is still solid.  I wish there were a reason to doubt it--it's been tough.

 

I believe strongly but have no proof that girls are a little better at compensating socially.  You might not be dealing with actual Asperger's but what I am suggesting as I think a PP has also done is that it can be harder to tell with girls.

 

If the casual dx you have received is wrong, I think it will become clear over time.  If it is right, I similarly think you will see it confirmed, gradually, as peers develop socially at a very different pace and the gap gets quite dramatic. 

 

ETA about the high IQ:  A child can have a high IQ and also have Asperger's.  A PP I saw made it seem like a high IQ is another option for explaining these traits and I do not particularly agree.  Whether your dd needs a dx or not, she could still have a high IQ.  Although gifted children often do have a "hint" of some qualities on the spectrum and your child could be gifted in addition, I don't think giftedness itself could be an explanation.  I am biased, though, as that is something I really, really wanted to believe about my ds.  He is shockingly smart about math and science and some other things and I would have loved to be able to write the rest off as the quirks of a genius.  Sigh.

post #23 of 81

your dd is ridiculously cute!!!! I love her name also btw.

 

My ds is also three and is even MORE animated and conversational than your dd and still they are looking at a dx of Asperger's for him. So while I wouldn't have looked at your video and thought Asperger's I wouldn't say that her behavior in the video is reason to say she DOESN'T have it, either. If that makes sense. I thought ds was just hyper and/or exhibiting anxiety (we are also dealing with family issues right now). If you want me to post a video of how he acts I can and you can compare. I think you would see a lot of similarities with the jumping trains of thought, sporadic eye contact and so forth. HE also has weird and motions which come and go, and a lot of sensory issues. Where your dd scratches and pulls her hair, my ds picks at his skin and chews his arm. The main difference between my kid and yours is that your dd is much calmer than my ds. I bet they would look worlds apart at first glance but really the underlying similarities are there.  It's really interesting to me what they classify as Asperger's that imo could easily have been written off as something totally different.

post #24 of 81

Do you feel the video accurate reflects how she typically speaks to you? My dd will chat away like anything and then get all reticent and avert her eyes and such as soon as there's a camera.

 

 

Re: picking at yourself, in a child development book I read about 3 year olds, it specifically mentioned picking behaviors as something typical of 3 year olds, but that it should fade out by 3.5-4 years. (Just in case someone reading this thread is freaking about their picking 3 year old with no other symptoms =D )

post #25 of 81

I will add my voice to the chorus and say that your daughter is adorable!  My son has "something" - have never gotten a definite dx but has been dx with ADHD, SPD, Asperger's depending on which doctor we have been to.  Anyway, he was not nearly this engaging at 3.  He was not able to carry on a conversation like that.  She seemed to have normal eye contact (kind of hard to tell for sure), her voice had inflection, she used gestures, her conversational skills seem pretty normal for a 3 year old to me.  Of course, it is hard to tell from just a video clip.  I have not heard of diagnosing AS at 3.  Usually it is not diagnosed till at least 5-6 and often later than that.  However, having said that, I undertand that girls with AS present differently than boys.  She is quite bright, that is obvious.  Good luck!

post #26 of 81

I know many children on the spectrum and nothing on that video would concern me. That said, there's a reason why diagnoses this complex should be made after thorough evaluations by trained professionals rather than by random strangers viewing short video clips. And, even, when it comes to evaluations by trained professionals I would tread very cautiously at this age. Sensitive + anxious can look a lot like Asperger's when it isn't. Introverted + sensitive can look like a social skills disability when it isn't.  Bright plus anxious can look a like Asperger's when it isn't. Untreated sensory problems can make a kid really anxious and look like they have big problems. A sensitive child with a medical disorder like Celiac's can be more anxious, and behave more oddly than she might at an older age. So, there are a lot of possibilities there.

 

I think your best bet at this age would be to focus on symptoms that are actually bothering her and try to find specific ways to help her with those. Certainly if she has sensory sensitivities, getting an OT evaluation and implementing changes to her home environment is a great idea. Reading about anxiety and understanding methods that can be helpful in helping anxious preschoolers is a good idea too.

 

One thing I would really urge you to be cautious about is the kinds of language you are using to describe her behavior and how that may be creating a reinforcing bias in what you are seeing. Tread carefully with words like obsession and fixation. Yes, she talks about colors in the video. Color is a big category for a lot of kids that age and really three year olds aren't particularly great conversationalists. And, if you think about it many adults talking to three year olds aren't great conversationalists either. I know I've had many conversations about the colors of things with preschoolers. If she is sitting chanting names of colors for an hour - that may be a concern. If he couldn't engage in conversation but just said names of colors, again that would concern me. Simply wanting to go through a laundry list of the colors of stuff at a big occasion seems like very typical (to advanced) three year old conversation. This kind of conversation is often reinforced by media, books, conversations with adults so it may actually reflect that she's picked up on social cues that she thinks this is on target for a conversation.

post #27 of 81

No input on the aspergers front, but wanted to comment on that second video. This looks like a sort of defensive/shielding thing for her.  My ds1 (2.5) has sensory problems and this is totally something he will do.  It's like he can extend his space bubble a little bit further in these uncertain situations.

 

Has she had any treatment for the sensory problems? I would almost wonder if that would be a good starting place (assuming you haven't already) and you could move from there based on improvement/happiness.

post #28 of 81
Thread Starter 

I don't have time to comment on every (top o' the mornin' to ya...!) post but briefly..

Roar- Thanks so much!   I agree, sensitive+introverted could mirror asperger's.  That doc, in his opinion, said Asperger's, which is why I'm scratching my head now, lol.  He seemed pretty certain and he named a bunch of different things (symptoms she has) and why but I was obviously nervous and should have brought a pen and paper with!  Also, she DOES get fixated and obsessed with colors.  Really.  In addition to her making tons of little circles, she'll make tons of little color marks.  Last night (DH keeps all of her drawings in a portfolio) he was showing me some of them and I noticed that there were more drawings like this than I had thought (where she makes the color marks over and over and over.  when she does drawings like this, she will be talking nonstop about the colors for a good 30-45mins, sometimes longer, and does tie in the stuff about balloons, etc).

 

chellebee- we're going to see the OT for the eval and I guess then from there we'll figure out our path for the sensory issues.  and thanks for the input on the second video!

 

 

 

 

 

I was trying to catch DDs social anxiety on video yesterday at a birthday party but my 14mo kept trying to rip the camera out of my hands.... lol.  we'll see if I can find a clip later on.  Anyways, I do intend to show these videos to the OT and whatever professional we see in the future.  They don't see a lot of what she does (since she shuts down) and it's probably hard to evaluate from just me telling them so I think videos could be beneficial.

 

 

post #29 of 81


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
I just wish that he could have had a conversation with her, since so much of Asperger's is social and not just lining things up

 

Refusing to have a conversation is ALSO an indication. But like a lot of this stuff, it means less at 3 than it will if she is still refusing to talk to others when she is 6 or 7. My DD went for 2 years without speaking to anyone outside our family after she was school aged.

 

Her social anxiety is pretty severe. ....  DD always raves about gymnastics and tells me how much she loves her teacher and the class and she does all of the things they do in class at home... she just doesn't seem to do well IN the class.

 

That could be social anxiety, but it could also be sensory overload.  I think it sounds like your DD has some pretty intense sensory issues.  

 

We have decided that these activities are just too stressful for DD and are planning to take her to the nature center for a nature walk and picnic after gymnastics instead of going to the McDonald's playplace (she doesn't and now CAN'T eat anything but apples there anyways because of the gluten issue).  It doesn't seem fair to her to bring her into situations that are uncomfortable for her.

 

We plan all outings and vacations around what will work for DD.

 

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post

That said, there's a reason why diagnoses this complex should be made after thorough evaluations by trained professionals rather than by random strangers viewing short video clips. And, even, when it comes to evaluations by trained professionals I would tread very cautiously at this age. Sensitive + anxious can look a lot like Asperger's when it isn't. Introverted + sensitive can look like a social skills disability when it isn't.  Bright plus anxious can look a like Asperger's when it isn't. Untreated sensory problems can make a kid really anxious and look like they have big problems. A sensitive child with a medical disorder like Celiac's can be more anxious, and behave more oddly than she might at an older age. So, there are a lot of possibilities there.

 

I think your best bet at this age would be to focus on symptoms that are actually bothering her and try to find specific ways to help her with those.


This is a super post.

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

 That doc, in his opinion, said Asperger's, which is why I'm scratching my head now, lol.  He seemed pretty certain and he named a bunch of different things

 

I'm wondering why you were at the doctor's, and if there is part of you that doesn't want the dx to be right. I'm wondering if denial is a factor. A developmental ped said that your child has Asperger's, you are considered that he didn't see everything, and yet you really seem to doubt the dx. 

post #30 of 81
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

 

I'm wondering why you were at the doctor's, and if there is part of you that doesn't want the dx to be right. I'm wondering if denial is a factor. A developmental ped said that your child has Asperger's, you are considered that he didn't see everything, and yet you really seem to doubt the dx. 



I just feel kinda all over the place gloomy.gif  There are times where I feel that YES she's def. got Asperger's, but there are times where I'm not so sure and I want to make sure that a) the docs are seeing everything so they can make the best possible diagnosis that will help her greatest in the end (today is a particularly rough day for her, she had a meltdown shortly after she woke up because the toilet paper wouldn't tear along the lines and it was leaving the pieces "funny", and it's been all downhill from there).

 

We went in for the eval initially because of her sensory issues and her dermatillomania (our family doctor wanted her seen by psych for that).  

 

I just got off the phone with the lady from OT and we have an appointment for March 22nd :) An entire month away, but an appointment nonetheless.  They had an appointment today 2hrs from now, but DD isn't really prepared for that (going to playgroup today) as she doesn't like changes in routine and needs to be prepared for things coming.

post #31 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post


I just feel kinda all over the place gloomy.gif  There are times where I feel that YES she's def. got Asperger's, but there are times where I'm not so sure and I want to make sure that a) the docs are seeing everything so they can make the best possible diagnosis that will help her greatest in the end (today is a particularly rough day for her, she had a meltdown shortly after she woke up because the toilet paper wouldn't tear along the lines and it was leaving the pieces "funny", and it's been all downhill from there).

 

I don't know if it is possible to be "sure" with a 3yo--ds' doctors aren't sure with a 6y11mo because his issues can be caused by other things and the one issue that puts him furthest into the spectrum may improve with maturity and therapy, so they want to reevaluate ds in a year. But having this detailed evaluation now will be helpful for comparison as she grows and changes.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post

That said, there's a reason why diagnoses this complex should be made after thorough evaluations by trained professionals rather than by random strangers viewing short video clips. And, even, when it comes to evaluations by trained professionals I would tread very cautiously at this age. Sensitive + anxious can look a lot like Asperger's when it isn't. Introverted + sensitive can look like a social skills disability when it isn't.  Bright plus anxious can look a like Asperger's when it isn't. Untreated sensory problems can make a kid really anxious and look like they have big problems. A sensitive child with a medical disorder like Celiac's can be more anxious, and behave more oddly than she might at an older age. So, there are a lot of possibilities there.

 

I think your best bet at this age would be to focus on symptoms that are actually bothering her and try to find specific ways to help her with those.

 

yeahthat.gif

post #32 of 81

So a pediatrician diagnosed Asperger's in a 3 year old through discussion with parent and observation of a mute but present child?  Without using standardized measurement instruments?

 

I have a few concerns with this.  In no particular order:

 

-subjective parent report as main input.  Even parents who work professionally with SN kids can miss the signs in their own child, and for other parents who have limited exposure to same-age kids they may not recognize how typical behaviours may be.

-what is the funding criteria where you are?  In most jurisdictions, there's no funding unless standardized tools are used by a multi-disciplinary team

-3 year olds are a quirky bunch and "developmentally typical" is a huge range

-most clinicians will not definitively diagnose within the ASD spectrum after one meeting and at such a young age.  Many children have changing diagnoses through their childhood, often started at PDD-NOS. 

-My other thought is that it's strange to me that this ped went to Asperger's distinctly in a 3 year old when the new DSM-V ASD diagnostic criteria that is now in testing is actually less delineated than the current spectrum.

 

This is a good summary, although the list of possible instruments is incomplete:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnosis_of_Asperger_syndrome

 

There's a lot of good insight in this thread.  Roar's points are well made.  I know it's hard when you know something is up with your kid, but it's really powerful when you pathologize everything.  I used to regularly remind myself, and say to family and preschool teachers, 'yeah, and sometimes he's just being 4."

 

(for context, DS has SPD, anxiety, dysgraphia, motor planning and other alphabet soup and has been through multiple diagnostic processes.  This is complicated and confusing stuff.)

post #33 of 81

Quote:

Originally Posted by joensally View Post

So a pediatrician diagnosed Asperger's in a 3 year old through discussion with parent and observation of a mute but present child?  Without using standardized measurement instruments?

 

I have a few concerns with this.  In no particular order:

 

-subjective parent report as main input.  Even parents who work professionally with SN kids can miss the signs in their own child, and for other parents who have limited exposure to same-age kids they may not recognize how typical behaviours may be.

-what is the funding criteria where you are?  In most jurisdictions, there's no funding unless standardized tools are used by a multi-disciplinary team

-3 year olds are a quirky bunch and "developmentally typical" is a huge range

-most clinicians will not definitively diagnose within the ASD spectrum after one meeting and at such a young age.  Many children have changing diagnoses through their childhood, often started at PDD-NOS. 

-My other thought is that it's strange to me that this ped went to Asperger's distinctly in a 3 year old when the new DSM-V ASD diagnostic criteria that is now in testing is actually less delineated than the current spectrum.

 

This is a good summary, although the list of possible instruments is incomplete:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnosis_of_Asperger_syndrome

 

There's a lot of good insight in this thread.  Roar's points are well made.  I know it's hard when you know something is up with your kid, but it's really powerful when you pathologize everything.  I used to regularly remind myself, and say to family and preschool teachers, 'yeah, and sometimes he's just being 4."

 

(for context, DS has SPD, anxiety, dysgraphia, motor planning and other alphabet soup and has been through multiple diagnostic processes.  This is complicated and confusing stuff.)

 

This is what confuses me, as well. I was always under the impression that Aspergers was usually diagnosed at a much later age and over several observations/testings with an evaluation team. IMHO, it seems a bit reckless for one doctor to diagnose a 3 year old child with AS after one meeting. 

 

With that said...

 

OP: This is not your fault, and I know you're just doing what is best for your daughter at this time. I'm sure you're already confused enough about the situation, but I would definitely seek out a second opinion down the line, if still needed. I would also focus on your daughters sensory and dietary issues now, and less on a 'label'. Your daughter very well could be AS (time will tell), but it doesn't change who she is and her immediate needs.

post #34 of 81


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
 There are times where I feel that YES she's def. got Asperger's, but there are times where I'm not so sure


For me, part of being on this path is making peace with the not knowing. Even now, with my DD being 14 and pretty much as figured out as she can get, we really don't know what the future holds.

 

Not knowing is really hard. Having peace and finding equinimity in spite of not knowing seems to be part of *my* lesson this life time. With her, all I can really do is focus on what makes sense next, what I need to do next, etc. I cannot see the whole path in front of us, I can only focus on the next step, which is usually fairly clear. I still do not know what it really means for her long term that she is on the spectrum.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by joensally View Post
 I used to regularly remind myself, and say to family and preschool teachers, 'yeah, and sometimes he's just being 4."

 

 
Yeah, and sometimes my DD is just being a teenager! Sorting out what is her ASD stuff from just sensory stuff from just being a teenage girl is tricky. She and I spent some time in therapy together last year working on it!  
post #35 of 81
Thread Starter 

Thank you thank you thank you!

 

Doing a bit more reading I am feeling that the ped may have jumped the gun.  He was an older gentleman (late 50s early 60s maybe).  He basically just asked me questions, and he had a list in front of him of questions that he wanted to ask me and things he wanted to go over with me.  We sat down at a table and chairs while DD was to play with the train table next to us.  There was another woman present, who didn't introduce herself, and she sat behind me on another chair.  The doctor asked DD various things, which she didn't answer.  When we first got there, for about the first 10 minutes, he'd every so often say "HI." to her and see how she'd respond.  She didn't.  He tried to engage her a little, talked about Thomas (she doesn't know who Thomas is, I told him that and got a weird look) and he made a train whistle sound with his hands which frightened DD a little.  That was really the extent of the interview/eval.  I had my list of concerns and he read them and asked about a few things.  He also asked to see and feel her belly because he noticed it was pooched out when she came in and he was happy to hear that she was having bloodwork done. 

 

 

And hoping for some advice here... I don't want to start a new thread...:

 

Today at playgroup DD had a rough time.  The class starts with free play. then an art activity, then they run, then they play with balls, then hula hoops (sometimes a parachute), then sing songs and then we leave.  DD hid behind me for most of the free play, but went over to the play kitchen and stood over there for awhile and came back.  The art activity was coloring.  The teacher had laid a huge piece of paper (from a roll) onto the table for multiple children to color.  DD didn't take that too well, but the other kids at the table weren't very interested in coloring anyways and left to resume play after about 5 minutes.  DD sat there and colored for the remainder of the time period and it was difficult to get her away, the teacher was trying to encourage her to come and play but it didn't work.  DD ended up coloring the entire paper (except for what she couldn't reach).  She was also sorting the crayons as she colored into broken w/ no paper, broken, and whole.  The teacher came and DD muttered quietly "These are broken crayons." and the teacher showed her how she melts the crayons into heart crayons, which DD really liked.  I offered DD a snack and some water and she followed me into the main play space where her water bottle was.  The kids were done running by then (she never runs, just stands there withdrawn staring into space picking at her sides) and the teacher was passing out balls.  N is the only child who the teacher has to personally take a ball to.  DD wants a ball but doesn't go up to the teacher (who she raves about at home).  DD lost interest in the ball when a little boy came close to her and showed her his ball.  She dropped her ball and backed up ever so slowly to the wall.  After that it's kind of a blur but she didn't participate at all and just stood there the entire time.  Oh, when they sang songs, which she usually likes, she sat curled up hugging her knees staring into space, and refused to sit next to me.  It just makes me sad for her.  Her little sister really enjoys playgroup and is very social and has two little friends that she plays with (or next to, lol).  There are children who are introverted in the class, but they don't just shut down like DD does :(  Does anyone happen to have any advice?  Not just in this playgroup setting, but all social settings?

 

DD also begged me to start her in ballet classes, and we're going to try swimming as well (both were very inexpensive at our local park).  She starts the last week of March.  I don't expect her to participate much, but she is *really* set on the ballet class.  She's very excited. It's tap and ballet, and I found a pair of tap shoes at the thrift store (new!) that she adores.  Is there any way I can make it easier on her?  

post #36 of 81


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

then they run, then they play with balls, then hula hoops (sometimes a parachute), then sing songs and then we leave.  DD hid behind me for most of the free play, but went over to the play kitchen and stood over there for awhile and came back. .... The kids were done running by then (she never runs, just stands there withdrawn staring into space picking at her sides) and the teacher was passing out balls.  N is the only child who the teacher has to personally take a ball to.  DD wants a ball but doesn't go up to the teacher (who she raves about at home).  DD lost interest in the ball when a little boy came close to her and showed her his ball.  She dropped her ball and backed up ever so slowly to the wall.  After that it's kind of a blur but she didn't participate at all and just stood there the entire time.  Oh, when they sang songs, which she usually likes, she sat curled up hugging her knees staring into space, and refused to sit next to me.  It just makes me sad for her.  Her little sister really enjoys playgroup and is very social and has two little friends that she plays with (or next to, lol).  There are children who are introverted in the class, but they don't just shut down like DD does :(  Does anyone happen to have any advice?  Not just in this playgroup setting, but all social settings?

 


Some thoughts -- a bunch of kids running around with balls and stuff would be completely overwhelming to my DD. Completely. PE was the first regular school subject she got opted out of because it pushed ALL her sensory buttons. I would talk to the teacher about an alternative activity for your DD during  that time -- staying in the art space, or sitting with you in a quiet area reading a book. But try to figure out what would be a happier thing for her and just stick with it. To me, it sounds like by the time they got to the songs, she was already overwhelmed and had checked out. May be if you figure a way to opt of of the running around part, she could go back to enjoying the singing.

 

I think it's great that you are trying some new activities with her. You never really know what will be a big hit until you try. Swimming was my DDs big thing for YEARS. She competed for awhile, and has lots of ribbons and trophies. It was GREAT for her sensory issues.

 

My DD is kind of emotionally flat. She doesn't get really happy and excited about things. Rather than feeling sad for her, I just focus on making her life work for her. She is wired completely differently from me and from her sister, so it isn't reasonable to compare. My question is whether her life is working *For Her*, and what I could do to make it work better for her. Part of it is just a shift in thinking for me. A lot of parents say that they just want their child to be *happy.* With my DD, it's more reasonable for me to just want her to be *ok.*  It sounds a little sad at first, but it isn't sad *to her.*  For her, it's just accepting that she's different. Me being hung up on that fact that she doesn't experience emotions the same way just puts pressure on her to fake being different than she is (she's old enough that we've been able to talk about it).

 

Does your DD have a special interest? Sometimes focusing on what does make our quirky kids engaged is a more fruitful than attempting to figure out how to keep them happy in social situations, which they really just aren't wired for.  I think that exposure to other people is VERY important and that the more people in her life who work at engaging her (like the teacher did with the broken crayons) the better. I think those kinds of interactions are super valuable. 

post #37 of 81
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post


 


Some thoughts -- a bunch of kids running around with balls and stuff would be completely overwhelming to my DD. Completely. PE was the first regular school subject she got opted out of because it pushed ALL her sensory buttons. I would talk to the teacher about an alternative activity for your DD during  that time -- staying in the art space, or sitting with you in a quiet area reading a book. But try to figure out what would be a happier thing for her and just stick with it. To me, it sounds like by the time they got to the songs, she was already overwhelmed and had checked out. May be if you figure a way to opt of of the running around part, she could go back to enjoying the singing.

 

I think it's great that you are trying some new activities with her. You never really know what will be a big hit until you try. Swimming was my DDs big thing for YEARS. She competed for awhile, and has lots of ribbons and trophies. It was GREAT for her sensory issues.

 

My DD is kind of emotionally flat. She doesn't get really happy and excited about things. Rather than feeling sad for her, I just focus on making her life work for her. She is wired completely differently from me and from her sister, so it isn't reasonable to compare. My question is whether her life is working *For Her*, and what I could do to make it work better for her. Part of it is just a shift in thinking for me. A lot of parents say that they just want their child to be *happy.* With my DD, it's more reasonable for me to just want her to be *ok.*  It sounds a little sad at first, but it isn't sad *to her.*  For her, it's just accepting that she's different. Me being hung up on that fact that she doesn't experience emotions the same way just puts pressure on her to fake being different than she is (she's old enough that we've been able to talk about it).

 

Does your DD have a special interest? Sometimes focusing on what does make our quirky kids engaged is a more fruitful than attempting to figure out how to keep them happy in social situations, which they really just aren't wired for.  I think that exposure to other people is VERY important and that the more people in her life who work at engaging her (like the teacher did with the broken crayons) the better. I think those kinds of interactions are super valuable. 

 

Thank you for a great post!  I think you're onto something.  I think the reason why I do try to keep her in social situations is because everyone tells me to.  My MIL, my husband etc.  For awhile, members of the family would tell me "You made her like this!".  My MIL tells me every time DD gets like that that it's my fault because I take her inside (after playing in the back yard with bad-influence violent swearing cousins) when it's getting late.  I'm told DD is too sheltered (because of things like dietary restrictions, car seats, bedtime, yet I'm the only one who sets their child free to explore outside almost every day).  Sometimes the comments just get to me.  I'm always told that DD isn't socialized and when everyone hears the plans of homeschooling (unschooling, really, which would be best for DD as she doesn't do well with structure) they tell me that she's going to turn into a hermit and the crazy cat lady down the street because she's not being "socialized".  It just hurts and I get worried.  I want my DD to have friends and enjoy her life- but maybe friends just aren't for her.  Maybe I should just accept that.

 

The thing is DD really enjoys the classes she goes to.  She raves about Miss C at gymnastics and about Miss J at playgroup.  She doesn't play on the play place at McDonalds because she tells me it's too scary (but she WILL play at the park and she will also play on a much larger play place at a chuck-e-cheese type thing IF we go on a not-so-crowded day).  She doesn't like being approached by anyone (children OR adults) and doesn't like noisy settings.  She doesn't participate in her classes unless someone actively helps her do it (and even then sometimes it's a no-go).  At gymnastics *sometimes* she'll run with the other kids but then she stops after she's run 10ft and starts the picking and blank staring.  At playgroup, the teacher really has to engage her which is often hard because half the time she just gives you the blank stare.... * BUT* when she gets home (sometimes even once we get back in the car!) she raves about her class and tells me how much she likes the teacher (doesn't mention the other kids.  she has a cousin in her gymnastics class and he has sensory issues but is sensory seeking which is the total opposite of DD so they don't mesh well, though she adores him, but doesn't mention him either) and all she talks about are the teachers.  She even made Miss J a valentine all on her own.  She gets really excited to go to her classes and will talk about them with great joy.  I would hate to take them away from her... it's just hard to get her to express her feelings overall about the classes (and not just the teachers).

 

She really enjoys drawing, singing, and dancing.  I might talk to the playgroup teacher (Miss J) about letting DD color for the rest of the class period.  The thing is, the art room is connected to the main space by a small hallway where we hang our coats.  My 14 month old and my 2.5yo nephew won't sit still for that long, and need to be watched (nephew can get violent when he doesn't know how to express himself) and I don't know if they'll let me leave DD by herself (DD won't mind that, she prefers it).  The art activities sometimes only go so far and are sometimes not extremely open-ended (gluing fish in a fish tank, etc) and DD doesn't have much fun in those situations.

 

And do I mention these issues to her teachers?  Do I mention the possibility of Asperger's and SPD to her teachers (since one doctor said she had them), or wait until (IF) we get a set diagnosis?  Do you think the teachers know something is up, or should I speak to them about this?
 

post #38 of 81

Socializing in playgroup or McDonald's playland is like the kid version of going to a nightclub or cocktail party. You probably wouldn't suggest an adult who was shy or didn't like a lot of commotion would learn to socialize in a nightclub, right? So, I would avoid drawing too many conclusions about her social ability based on how she does in those kind of environments. Also, if she has unresolved sensory issues those environments may be totally overwhelming to her. If she's not miserable I certainly wouldn't suggest that you stop giving her these kinds of experiences. I would just be realistic in your expectations and how you define success. At that age for an introverted kid with sensory issues, if they aren't crying most of the time and they are saying they want to go back I'd call that a success. I would not give the playgroup leader an unknown general diagnosis. If you have something specific you want to communicate like "please allow her to color" or "please don't force her to do x" then I'd share that along with perhaps a more positive general explanation "she likes to take her time to warm up", "she finds it easier to be in quieter environments" or something like that.

 

I would also start to keep your eyes open for a potential friend for her. Look for a bright seeming introverted kid who doesn't have a particularly high energy level. If you can find one maybe you can set up some one on one playdates to encourage that to develop into a friendship. She may really open up to playing with another kid if it can happen at home and not in the middle of the nightclub (aka playgroup).

 

I think it is good you are trying to different activities. I would try to be clear in your own head where you are setting the bar for success. If she's saying she is happy and she wants to go back that's good. Also, sometime, you may want to look at anything by Stanley Greenspan about floor time. You might try some of these techniques as you play with her at home. The goal would be to encourage communication and to very gently nudge her boundaries a bit. Maybe she could incorporate coloring into some imaginative play, etc.

post #39 of 81

Im chiming in from a total simpletons perspective.  But I was watching Shamless last night, and there was a scene where Sheila, the agoraphobe, tried to go out the front door, (because the two year old she was babysitting wondered out and was standing 10 feet away.  The way they emphasized her panic attack made me stop and think.  And I had to wonder.  Do children with SPD experience something like that when they are in a very loud, chaotic situation like a Play Place or playground, or in playgroup?  Cuz if they do, no wonder they appear to withdraw or shut down.  What an awful feeling that must be. 

post #40 of 81
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post

Socializing in playgroup or McDonald's playland is like the kid version of going to a nightclub or cocktail party. You probably wouldn't suggest an adult who was shy or didn't like a lot of commotion would learn to socialize in a nightclub, right? So, I would avoid drawing too many conclusions about her social ability based on how she does in those kind of environments. Also, if she has unresolved sensory issues those environments may be totally overwhelming to her. If she's not miserable I certainly wouldn't suggest that you stop giving her these kinds of experiences. I would just be realistic in your expectations and how you define success. At that age for an introverted kid with sensory issues, if they aren't crying most of the time and they are saying they want to go back I'd call that a success. I would not give the playgroup leader an unknown general diagnosis. If you have something specific you want to communicate like "please allow her to color" or "please don't force her to do x" then I'd share that along with perhaps a more positive general explanation "she likes to take her time to warm up", "she finds it easier to be in quieter environments" or something like that.

 

I would also start to keep your eyes open for a potential friend for her. Look for a bright seeming introverted kid who doesn't have a particularly high energy level. If you can find one maybe you can set up some one on one playdates to encourage that to develop into a friendship. She may really open up to playing with another kid if it can happen at home and not in the middle of the nightclub (aka playgroup).

 

I think it is good you are trying to different activities. I would try to be clear in your own head where you are setting the bar for success. If she's saying she is happy and she wants to go back that's good. Also, sometime, you may want to look at anything by Stanley Greenspan about floor time. You might try some of these techniques as you play with her at home. The goal would be to encourage communication and to very gently nudge her boundaries a bit. Maybe she could incorporate coloring into some imaginative play, etc.


 

Thanks!  There is one other kid who has a pretty low energy level, but DD has been freaked out by him a couple of times (stood too close to her, touched the house she was playing with) and won't go near him :( He seems like a really sweet kid (his father is a little odd, and hothouses him through the whole playgroup.  I know we live in the same neighborhood though).  Everyone else is younger or has too high of an energy level for DD.  Also, she's 3, and there are no playgroups etc in walking distance that accommodate 3 year olds because everyone is in school.  I've got the only one- everything else is 18-36 months and this one she's in is a group of 12-24 month olds and 2-3 year olds... so she won't age out of the class until December.  I've looked... there is nothing else unstructured enough for her. 

 

I understand the nightclub analogy- that's a great way to put it.  She has cousins she plays with and is the same way around them (except for my nephew.  she has always taken well to him).  She takes a LONG time to warm up to people.  She has JUST started talking to my DHs grandmother and still won't talk to his grandfather.  We've been living with them and seeing them daily and sharing meals with them a few times a week since she was 6 months old.  It's not always a "nightclub" setting for her.  Sometimes it's a calm setting, like having lunch with just myself, her and her great-grandma (who is only in her 50s- not really an old lady) for the umpteenth time.  DD still hides in her shell.  

 

Sometimes she's almost okay.  I have another video of her in the playplace.  I'll see if I can post a link.  She was doing amazingly well, but at the end of the video gets overwhelmed and runs back to our table (I shut off the camera at that point, and followed her over there.)  She sometimes seems to *try* to come out of her shell, but rarely succeeds.  

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Special Needs Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Special Needs Parenting › Does she "seem" like she has Aspergers? (Video)