Toddler baths....Help settle this between me and DH. - Page 2

[Beauchamp]

We have the Sassy rinse cup. Similar, but not the same exactly. She doesn't like to tip her head back though. Hmm... Last night I did the dry washcloth trick and she fussed a tiny bit, but I was able to quickly dump two or three cups of water over her head to rinse. I will hopefully get to show DH, if he is agreeable.

[happysmileylady]

What if you come at it from a totally different angle and just out of the blue one day ask "Why do you like to make dd cry?"  That could just stop him in his tracks and get him to really think about how what he is doing is affecting her.

Of course, it could just fling him on the defensive and make him angry.  Only you will be the best judge of which route he's most likely to go.

[justKate]

OP, how about one of these bath visors: http://www.amazon.com/Dry-Eyes-Shampoo-Visor-Pack/dp/B003BGRDKU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1298483502&sr=8-2

You could have someone give it to DD as a "gift."  Is your DH big on independence?  If so, maybe you could ask him to teach your DD how to hold the washcloth on her face while he pours the water. 

Just my two cents.  I'm sorry that this is causing stress for you.

[mamalisa]

Honestly if my husband was insisting on doing something a certain way only because "that's the way he does it" I would take over bath duty.  It's ridiculous that he won't stop pouring water in her eyes, who the heck likes water in their eyes??  There's no reason to do it as far as I can see except to exert power and I would put a stop to it immediately.  

[miami mommy]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp 

Yeah, the dry washcloth is probably the best place to start.

I've been thinking about this and I think what is bothering me at the root of the problem is that DH has a lot of idiosyncratic behaviors. He is proud to call himself "parallel and perpendicular", he likes to create elaborate routines for himself (when there is usually a (to me) more obviously easy way to get to point B) and he can be fairly negative about things and creates stress for himself (and others) And really, I've come to realize that is fine for HIM, but I do NOT want that stuff rubbing off on my DD too much.

For the longest time he didn't want me to feed her any solids (as a baby) because it was messy. (Can't you just BF her?!?) He was paranoid about mess and wiping things up. He would wipe her face and mouth after every. single. bite. Even now, if she gets food in her hair it's "oh no!! Her hair!" (which makes her touch and rub her hair more, LOL) or even worse...she gets sauce on her shirt and "it's RUINED!! Oh NO!!! Oh, great. THAT'S gonna stain!" And he is lamenting this in front of DD, and she picks up on it and starts to get upset. That's what sets me off, because IT'S JUST A SHIRT, and by the way, most of her clothes are hand-me-downs anyway!



So now she does things like freak out when she notices dirt on her hands when playing outside, and I blame my DH for giving her these ideas. I don't want her to feel like that.
 

I may be totally off base here, but these behaviors sound like OCD to me. It sounds like he has serious issues about keeping things clean and that is why he won't use bubble bath, needs to do a total body soap so often, rinses her hair his way even if it makes her cry, and does all the hair fluffing. Just a thought...  
 

[Agatha_Ann]

I think men and women view baths very differently. It seems men see it as a time to get clean and get out, where as women see it as a time to relax, settle from the day, and get clean in the process. I can see the bubble bath issue...for me I just have my kids stand up when we are done, I turn on the tap and pour a couple cupfuls on them to rinse off. Maybe you could get some special bath toys for when your DH gives her a bath to make up for the bubbles? We take baths everyday with bubbles, but we only scrub down and wash hair a couple times a week depending on how dirty they get.

If your DH does have excessive issues with being clean and stain free, I might decide to take over this duty completely, rather than have these tendencies passed on to your DD.

[Summersquash]

DH usually does DD's bathtime, too.  I think the other posters have covered some of the issues really well, so here's just what we did to fix the basic water-in-the-eyes problem. Neither DH nor I are comfortable holding a washcloth over her face with one hand and pouring with the other.  Maybe we are uncoordinated!  I personally feel like I don't have enough control when holding 2 things to be able to react quickly if DD were to move or slip - for me, I need to have one free hand, which I usually have right in front of her. 

We knew we had to get DD to look up.  But that is really counter intuitive for a little person because the water is coming from up - so why would they want to look up?  We started by having me stand over DH making funny faces and playing peek a boo with her while DH sat next to the tub doing the water pouring.  He would pour really slowly and gently to best direct the water toward the back of her head and we kept a washcloth handy to wipe in case she got some drops in her eyes or even near her eyes.   Then after she got used to that I would stand and we would "count the rings" - count the rings that go to our shower curtain.  I would point to each one and say the number.  She would follow along with that as DH rinsed.  These got her accustomed to looking up high and the sensation of looking up while water poured off her head.  After about a month of that, she was comfortable enough so that DH was able to just encourage her to look up on her own and she would, and I no longer need to be in there to help with rinsing.  In fact I bathed her tonight and she definitely needs some reminding between rinses to keep looking up but now it's not fear or anything, it is that she wants to grab different bath toys or gets interested in a bubble or something in the bath and wants to look down rather than up.

Anyway, I know there is more to your post than this, but I figured I would share what worked for us.  Good luck!

[babymommy2]

 What is your opinion on the bubbles/rinsing, the hair washing, drying, etc? This is bugging me, and DH won't listen to me about it at all.  

  It is a bath, there will be much bigger disagreements on parenting as time goes on. Pick you battles. My opinion is that you should bath her your way, and he should bath her his way. If it bugs you shut the door and find something else to do. My husband and I bath our kids in completely different ways, I have no intention of changing what I do to suit him, so I can't expect him to conform to mine either. I look at is as 1 less thing I have to do tonight.

[thedenverduo]

I am sooo guilty of trying to get dh to do things 'my way' when it comes to caring for ds, but I have really made an effort lately to let it go.  He is a good dad, and if he needs help he'll ask for it.  I also don't get what the big deal is about water in the eyes?  I think buying special equipment or holding them a certain way with a dry washcloth is just going to escalate.  I've seen a lot of kids whose parents take a lot of special care to avoid water in their eyes, but to a kid I think this is just validating that water is bad and could hurt.  Which comes back to haunt them when they put their kids in swimming lessons or try to transition to a shower.  She may not like it, but it is definitely not going to harm her to get water in her eyes.

It sounds like there are bigger issues going on here than your dh just wanting to do things differently, though.