New here and need advice for night waking!

[Emelee]

Hello! I am a new poster although I have lurked for a while now. My dd is 11.5 weeks old and we co-sleep. Ever since 6 weeks I have been able to swaddle her and get her to sleep (finally) by herself in bed by about 8 pm so I have some free time to go about the house. She would sleep for 4-6 hours before she would want her first nursing session then sleep another 2-4 hours until she's up for the day. This has worked every single night until 2 nights ago. She refuses to sleep and fights us for about an hour before she passes out. Then she wakes up every 45 minutes to 2 hours ALL NIGHT LONG! She fusses, won't let herself be swaddled, and wants to nurse/snack. I can't put her down and I can't sleep through the nursing because she has a shallow latch and falls off if I don't hold the breast for her. This is very frustrating as I'm not ready to sleep so early plus I don't get any real rest all night long. Even if I try to give her a larger feeding she'll still wake up as often.

Please help a very tired and frustrated mom out here! Is this a phase or am I doomed to her new sleep schedule? I'm even holding her now because she refused to stay in bed by herself. Thank you for any advice or tips!

[NEastMomma]

Dear Mama,

First of all, hugs to you!  Parenting a new baby, especially during the night can be sooo hard!  I have an 18month old son, so I don't have ALL the experience in the world, but what I can tell you is this: The only consistent thing about the sleep/eating habits of the 11.5 week old is the INCONSISTENCY!  The moment you think you are in some type of routine (good or bad), it changes. 

Also, I can't quite recall, but this might be just the time they go through a growth spurt when they want to nurse 24/7 for a week or so.

In my opinion, this is way too early to expect baby to be able to do anything on her own.  All she wants and expects (rightfully so) out of life is to be in arms as much as possible, nursing on demand (even if she just nursed 10 min ago).  To smell human skin, to hear human heartbeat next to her ear, etc.  I found that wearing my DS (I used a Moby wrap) was super helpful.  I could almost go about my business.  I could definitely do rudimentary sweeping, typing, wiping of counters.  I could easily eat, chat on phone and relax while wearing baby. 

I TOTALLY can sympathize with the holding of the breast during nursing.  My breasts are a G (yes, G!), so for the longest time I had to hold breast for DS.  It doesn't exactly make for mindless snoozing while nursing.  In addition, I was too nervous to cosleep with DS at first, so he slept in a basinette pushed right up against my bed until 5mos (when he came into bed).  Until 5mos, I got out of bed and nursed him in a rocker every... single... time... he awoke.  And he woke lots.  It is SO HARD!

I have some daytime advice for you which might also work at night.  When I found myself so tired and overwhelmed this is what I'd do (Especially for those growth spurt times). For the next couple of days, let go of all expectations of your baby, yourself and a clean house (haha).  Hunker down in front of tv, in a comfy arm chair with a stool under foot so that your lap is propped up.  Wear a zip up sweatshirt, pajama pants and slippers.  Surround yourself with snacks and plenty of water.  Have the clicker nearby and latch that baby on.  Nurse, nurse, nurse.  When she's done, don't get up to change her diaper - let her doze off and YOU doze off too.  If you can't seem to doze, please just rest your body and your mind.  Watch some brain candy tv.  YOU NEED A BREAK. 

Hang in there Mama.  You are doing a great job!  Hugs!

[Emelee]

Thanks so much for responding. I didn't mean to say I was training her to sleep but it was so nice to have a couple hours to myself before I went to bed. I hope that like you mentioned this is the 3 month growth spurt and we can resume our normal routine soon! Even if she has a new routine, as long as I can figure it out it would be better than this! She has been nursing much more frequently day and night and I'm resisting the temptation to supplement with formula even though it would be nice to have a break from the constant nursing.

I found that when I wore her in my wrap today she takes longer naps (meaning more than 15-20 minutes) but I do have to be moving constantly for her to stay asleep. I'm ordering a mei tai and I hope it will be easier to pull her in and out of all day! Now I just have to get some sleep so I'm not a walking zombie Thank you again for your response!

[NEastMomma]

Oh, of course you're not sleep training, I didn't think that.     And yeah, a few hours would do you a world of good.  Even psychologically - to know that if you can just power thru 'till such-and-such a time, then you can count on a few hours.  Good for you for trying the wearing and trying again w/ the mei tai.  Eventually you'll be able to carve out a few hours somewhere as you work towards finding what works for baby and makes sense for you.

2 additional ideas:1)  A Swing?  I never suggest this as my guy didn't like his, but my sister has a 12week old who LOVES his swing.  She puts DS in for naps and she folds laundry, plays with her toddler etc.  Maybe worth looking into?  2) Do you have a DP who could take baby every night after the 7pm nurse (or you pick the time).  DP can cuddle with baby while you do something for you?  I used to resist this idea b/c I'd think, "Wow, 1 stupid hour, what difference will that make?"  But I recently have become a convert to forcing myself to relax for any snippet of time that DH takes my guy.  And i've noticed it does help my morale. 

Anyway, you are doing such a great job!  I think the first several months are like bootcamp.  Of course they are filled with adoration and love for baby, but they're also very, VERY hard.  Most days you're just putting one foot in front of the other.  Esp at night - can be so lonely. I used to find comfort knowing that all over the world there were mothers up at this very same moment as me, nursing their babies as well. 

Keep up the good work Mama!  Your baby is very lucky to have such a wonderful mom. 

[sacredpresence]

I don't mean to discourage you, but I went to bed at the same time as my DD until she was about 6 months old.  That was partly because she would not sleep unless I was next to her and partly because I was so tired from her nursing every hour or two all night that I felt I needed as much sleep as I could get.  Around 6 months I started putting her down in her crib to start the night and bringing her in bed with me at her first or second waking depending on what time it was.  If you are really not ready to go to sleep when your baby does, maybe you could lay in bed and read (with a book light if needed) or do computer stuff? 

It was really hard for me, but I just got it in my head that doing stuff around the house was not that important and this is just a phase.  I keep reminding myself that all the time and DD is 10 months now!

[Jayden'sMom]

It could also be a developmental milestone. Children reach mental developmental milestones around weeks 5, 8, 12, 17, 26, 36, 44, 53, 61, and 72. At these times, the children become more fussy, sleep less, nurse more, and usually cling to mom a lot. And, they have a much harder time going to sleep. There is much more information in the book The Wonder Weeks, and there is also an iPhone app. The blog Askmoxie also has some really good information on sleep regression. I did not find any of this out until my first born was 9 months old. After tearing my hair out about his sudden lack of sleeping at 9 months (the 9 month sleep regression was a DOOZY!) and after getting no help at all from his pediatrician, I stumbled upon the askmoxie blog with info about sleep regression and a great review of The Wonder Weeks. Explained a LOT and saved my sanity! Good luck, and if it is a developmental leap causing the poor sleeping, I'm afraid it's a stage you just have to get through.

[Emelee]

Thank you all for your advice and help! DD is sleeping a little better at night but still won't go down unless I'm holding/nursing her which I'm fine with (even if it's WAY later than she's been going to sleep). I obviously want her to be happy and secure which she seems to need right now. I had no idea that a baby of her age could be so clingy even grabbing my clothing and arms! It's kinda cute but she really doesn't seem to want the DH to help much.

Sacredpresence-I admire you for going to bed every night with your babe for so long! I sure hope mine lets me have a few nights to myself since I'm a HUGE night owl but absolutely hate mornings! She doesn't seem to mind the lights on so I guess I could always catch up on my reading! Haha!

NEastMomma-I've definitely taken over the couch for the last few days since that's where our internet is. DH is rarely any help since he can't calm down DD and gets easily frustrated with her. I keep telling him it's better to hold her while she cries than to leave her somewhere. That's when I have to step in since I don't believe in letting a child of any age to CIO!

Jayden'sMom-I think that this could definitely be a growth spurt/learning spurt. She's just nursing so much but also starting to grab everything in sight and putting it in her mouth! She's also trying to roll over more often when she does let me put her down. I will have to check out that blog! Thanks!