I do not think I could birth in a hospital setting. I would not feel safe there, personally. If you are going to do the hospital birth I 100% recommend having a doula at least. She can advocate for you and provide that needed support.
Good luck!
I do not think I could birth in a hospital setting. I would not feel safe there, personally. If you are going to do the hospital birth I 100% recommend having a doula at least. She can advocate for you and provide that needed support.
Good luck!
Hi Mama... I wonder if maybe you should hire a doula. I know you feel safe around your hospital team, which is a huge benefit. But maybe a doula would be able to help you assert your needs and have people leave you alone once your baby is born?
Personally I think it may make it more difficult that you work with these people. If they start calling you non-compliant and they are your co-workers you may either a) completely freak out on them b/c they know you and why are they trying to order you around (and then have to work with these people again) or b) just give in when they tell you for the 3rd time you need some intervention you don't want. They also may use it to their advantage like you know me, I wouldn't hurt you or the baby, you need x,y,z. We do this everyday it is safe. ect ect
Even if they would bend over backwards for you, I also worked in the medical field as an aide and I know how fast someones personality can change once a patient becomes a "PIA" (which is always that they are just specific in what they want/need ect) for some reason it seems the medical field worker does not feel comfortable unless they are "in control"
Do you know what I am saying?
If you want to give birth their that is awesome and 100% do it, but watch out for the above and definately get a doula! Since it is your last baby I would esp be more inclined to have a home birth so you can get that experience, but if it isn't doable then that is ok too.
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I would 100% request a different back up MW and have my home birth.
If you are going to have a co-worker be their during your labor, choose wisely, b/c she comes from a hospital and may want to take charge and be hands on, or make suggestions you don't want/need.
I also highly recommend the hypnobabies at home kit. I think it will help calm you and you seem like you really need that. I had a hypnobirth and it was awesome (although not completely pain free)
I would 100% request a different back up MW and have my home birth.
If you are going to have a co-worker be their during your labor, choose wisely, b/c she comes from a hospital and may want to take charge and be hands on, or make suggestions you don't want/need.
I also highly recommend the hypnobabies at home kit. I think it will help calm you and you seem like you really need that. I had a hypnobirth and it was awesome (although not completely pain free)
We're going on vacation so I figured it'd be a good time to get a good start on it.
Perhaps you should talk to Anna about having a different back up in case you do go into labor while she is on vacation. I think that it was incredibly rude of Mary to refuse to meet with you. There's a decent chance she would need to attend you with Anna being on vacation in July so I really don't see a meeting to be an unreasonable request.
What specific things are you worried about in the hospital setting? (Sorry if this was previously addressed toward the beginning of the thread ...) You said that you would feel safe at this hospital because you work there and you would know your nurse, but it also sounded like knowing your nurse could be part of the problem ... do you have any colleagues who would/could come in just for you who you would feel comfortable being your L&D nurse, and who would work with you on whatever things that are "standard" that you will be doing differently? Since you said your OB will totally be on board with your birth plan, which is super important, it sounds like you are worried about L&D nurses and/or postpartum, but it would be helpful to know which things you plan to decline that you think people might give you s**t about. Also, how is your DH in terms of sticking up for you? Is that a job he could handle? If not, the doula idea is a good one. I don't actually need emotional or physical support during labor, but I hired a doula to help me make sure that my wishes are respected (I think they will be, but just in case, for my peace of mind, I wanted a second person there).
Your midwife situation definitely sounds complicated. It's too bad that Anna is going to be on vacation during some weeks when you could potentially give birth, otherwise it would be a no-brainer. It's also too bad that Mary doesn't sound like she's going to work out as a backup. Maybe she's great for others, but after two negative interactions with her it's obvious that you aren't clicking. If you've really exhausted all your midwife options, maybe there is a way to make the hospital work for you? It's probably not a good idea to choose UC out of desperation rather than because you really feel that it is right for you -- ideally if you were planning to do that you would engage in a lot of preparation in terms of learning what to do in case of emergencies. Perhaps as an L&D nurse you already have a lot of this knowledge, though.
I hope things come together for you in one way or another pretty soon -- keep us posted!
Hi!! I only read the first few posts, so I apologize if I repeat what someone else said. I just wanted to answer your question about the birth center. I wanted the in between the hospital/home birth experience, so we also chose to deliver at a birth center. However, the closest one is an hour away. We definitely received quite a few raised eyebrows on that, but we made it no problem! We left right after my water broke and the car ride was suprisingly tolerable! I felt really confident in our decision after reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and the countless stories of women in labor for hours and days. Hope this helps!! Much love to you for a beautiful delivery on YOUR terms!!
Hi!! I only read the first few posts, so I apologize if I repeat what someone else said. I just wanted to answer your question about the birth center. I wanted the in between the hospital/home birth experience, so we also chose to deliver at a birth center. However, the closest one is an hour away. We definitely received quite a few raised eyebrows on that, but we made it no problem! We left right after my water broke and the car ride was suprisingly tolerable! I felt really confident in our decision after reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and the countless stories of women in labor for hours and days. Hope this helps!! Much love to you for a beautiful delivery on YOUR terms!!
What specific things are you worried about in the hospital setting? (Sorry if this was previously addressed toward the beginning of the thread ...) You said that you would feel safe at this hospital because you work there and you would know your nurse, but it also sounded like knowing your nurse could be part of the problem ... do you have any colleagues who would/could come in just for you who you would feel comfortable being your L&D nurse, and who would work with you on whatever things that are "standard" that you will be doing differently? Since you said your OB will totally be on board with your birth plan, which is super important, it sounds like you are worried about L&D nurses and/or postpartum, but it would be helpful to know which things you plan to decline that you think people might give you s**t about. Also, how is your DH in terms of sticking up for you? Is that a job he could handle? If not, the doula idea is a good one. I don't actually need emotional or physical support during labor, but I hired a doula to help me make sure that my wishes are respected (I think they will be, but just in case, for my peace of mind, I wanted a second person there).
Your midwife situation definitely sounds complicated. It's too bad that Anna is going to be on vacation during some weeks when you could potentially give birth, otherwise it would be a no-brainer. It's also too bad that Mary doesn't sound like she's going to work out as a backup. Maybe she's great for others, but after two negative interactions with her it's obvious that you aren't clicking. If you've really exhausted all your midwife options, maybe there is a way to make the hospital work for you? It's probably not a good idea to choose UC out of desperation rather than because you really feel that it is right for you -- ideally if you were planning to do that you would engage in a lot of preparation in terms of learning what to do in case of emergencies. Perhaps as an L&D nurse you already have a lot of this knowledge, though.
I hope things come together for you in one way or another pretty soon -- keep us posted!
Perhaps you should talk to Anna about having a different back up in case you do go into labor while she is on vacation. I think that it was incredibly rude of Mary to refuse to meet with you. There's a decent chance she would need to attend you with Anna being on vacation in July so I really don't see a meeting to be an unreasonable request.
yeah it was definately rude I'm sure I would have went off on her
Yeah. Mary's response was totally out of line. You probably handled better than I did, I would have said some sort of smartass remark like "Yeah, I kind of like to meet people who are going to see my vagina, it's this strange quirk I have" Maybe you should the midwife that you like if she has a better backup for you.
Well, I totally understand this concern ... dealing with declining newborn stuff is among my least favorite parts of being in the hospital. But, at the end of the day, you know you can decline anything you don't want, or ask them to delay it -- you just have to be firm. You know best how much grief they will give you for doing so, but I would think that they might be more amenable to accommodating a coworker's request than that of a random patient they don't know, especially if you are well liked, which it sounds like you are. I just found out today that I will probably have to give birth at a different hospital from the one I thought I was going to, and one of my two choices has a "mandatory separation" policy where at the time the mom is transferred from LDR to postpartum, they take the baby to the nursery for the first bath and then probably time under the warmer and supposedly parents are not allowed to accompany ,,, um, not. gonna. happen. I mean, even if we have to bodily hold them off, it is not going to happen. How much grief they are likely to give us about this will probably determine which of the two hospitals we choose, as they are the same distance from our house.
If your OB is willing to give baby straight to you after birth, then all you have to do is either ask or have your DH ask the nurse politely to hold off on doing any newborn stuff ... though at most hospitals here it is standard for baby to go right to mom and not be weighed until after having a chance to nurse and bond.
Well, I totally understand this concern ... dealing with declining newborn stuff is among my least favorite parts of being in the hospital. But, at the end of the day, you know you can decline anything you don't want, or ask them to delay it -- you just have to be firm. You know best how much grief they will give you for doing so, but I would think that they might be more amenable to accommodating a coworker's request than that of a random patient they don't know, especially if you are well liked, which it sounds like you are. I just found out today that I will probably have to give birth at a different hospital from the one I thought I was going to, and one of my two choices has a "mandatory separation" policy where at the time the mom is transferred from LDR to postpartum, they take the baby to the nursery for the first bath and then probably time under the warmer and supposedly parents are not allowed to accompany ,,, um, not. gonna. happen. I mean, even if we have to bodily hold them off, it is not going to happen. How much grief they are likely to give us about this will probably determine which of the two hospitals we choose, as they are the same distance from our house.
If your OB is willing to give baby straight to you after birth, then all you have to do is either ask or have your DH ask the nurse politely to hold off on doing any newborn stuff ... though at most hospitals here it is standard for baby to go right to mom and not be weighed until after having a chance to nurse and bond.
wow. I hardly knew places did that anymore! Yikes. No way no how!
I think it will actually be fine to deliver at the hospital. I just swing so widely from day to day- one day I'm happy at the hossy as long as I'm a little bossy (hehe) and others I really want to just be at home. We'll see... I'm going on vacation tomorrow where there isn't much to do besides relax and maybe explore a little if it's not too hot so I'm hoping to have some time to reflect. I'm bringing hypnobabies on my MP3 and as my in flight reading. I do not post much but really felt the need to reply to you. I am a NICU nurse turned SAHM so I completely understand your concerns over the "what if's." I had a hospital birth with #1 and a home birth with #2. I LOVED my homebirth but those concerns constantly were in my mind because of some things I would see at work. I'm pregnant with #3 now and I'm not sure what we are going to do this time. You really have to decide what YOU want and not listen to anyone else. I do want to say that even with my training I would have not been able to do a UC birth with an emergency. My nursing skills went out the window when I was in labor and I can't imagine doing that on my own especially if there was an emergency. Good luck with your decision.
I do not post much but really felt the need to reply to you. I am a NICU nurse turned SAHM so I completely understand your concerns over the "what if's." I had a hospital birth with #1 and a home birth with #2. I LOVED my homebirth but those concerns constantly were in my mind because of some things I would see at work. I'm pregnant with #3 now and I'm not sure what we are going to do this time. You really have to decide what YOU want and not listen to anyone else. I do want to say that even with my training I would have not been able to do a UC birth with an emergency. My nursing skills went out the window when I was in labor and I can't imagine doing that on my own especially if there was an emergency. Good luck with your decision.
Okay, here's a thought I had about your situation. Could you switch to Anna as your primary provider and continue to see your OB at the same time? Tell Anna that you want to work with her, but that you are uncomfortable with her backup. Explain that you will continue to see your OB and that you will not work with Mary during July, just your OB. If you deliver early, you will use your OB as backup and go to the hospital. Don't know if that would work or not, but it's an idea anyway.
These decisions are so hard - UGH!
Okay, here's a thought I had about your situation. Could you switch to Anna as your primary provider and continue to see your OB at the same time? Tell Anna that you want to work with her, but that you are uncomfortable with her backup. Explain that you will continue to see your OB and that you will not work with Mary during July, just your OB. If you deliver early, you will use your OB as backup and go to the hospital. Don't know if that would work or not, but it's an idea anyway.
These decisions are so hard - UGH!
What I learned from my homebirth, and the time leading up to it, is that this is the time to listen to your gut and intuition. Sifting through fears is part of the process, but eventually, it's time to own your power as a birthing woman and stand in your truth. That doesn't mean you necessarily have to tell the truth of all the details of a homebirth plan to others. On the contrary, it might mean little white lies to get the result you want. But make your intentions clear to yourself at least, and the baby, and obstacles may start to clear the way for what you want. Don't let your decision come from your hubby, as important as his feelings are, he needs to trust YOU on this one. I think many men are uncomfortable about birth no matter what the circumstances, simply because they can't relate and can't control it. They are better able to understand and trust the machines in the hospital than the 'mysterious' forces of a woman's body.
This time last year, I knew 100% that I wanted a homebirth, but had almost zero confidence that it was going to happen because it was a VBAC. So the approach I took was what I'd call 'non-attachment': to plan for the best, but stay prepared for any direction the birth might take with an open heart. I literally walked every day and said to myself, 'I am open to everything this pregnancy and birth has to offer.' So NOT TRUE when I first started saying it, but eventually my mind started to accept it the more I did it! I would also say to the baby, 'I'm doing everything I can to give you the most natural birth possible. Please help me do that for you.' I proceeded planning for a homebirth AND and left myself the option of the hospital should I want or need it. I had parallel visits with my CPM and OB (without telling the OB), did intensive yoga, hypnosis and Birthing From Within classes to release my fears, massage and chiropractic care, and kept the hb plans a secret from all unsupportive family and friends to protect my emotional state (I always had vague answers and then changed the subject). I thought I didn't need a doula, but after interviewing the first one, I loved her so much I hired her right there. She was worth the money just to have someone to talk to who was positively giddy excited about my birth! ICAN meetings were also a great place to talk to successful homebirth mamas.
In the end, I could not have imagined a more perfect labor and birth. 9 hours total, and I thought the first 6 were Braxton HIcks. My son was born under water in the bathtub, and I was surrounded by love and the most amazing energy I've ever felt in my life. Afterward, I was so happy to not need to fight for my rights or worry who was asking to take my baby to nusery this time - I could just be in my own bed. By the way, I was also GBS positive, but my midwife explained that doucing with Hibiclens was more effective than the IV antibiotics.
Sending you positive, happy birthing thoughts...
Laurie
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