19 month old won't sleep unless someone is always in bed with her

[Refuging]

I need advice on how to help my 19-month-old cosleeping toddler understand that it's okay to sleep by herself until mom and dad are ready for bed. Right now I am with her from the time she falls asleep until she wakes up in the morning, which means my partner and I have no time to ourselves, I don't have time to exercise, and we've become a very cranky couple.

I don't nurse her to sleep; we nurse for awhile, then talk, sing, and cuddle. She does nurse during the night still. Would night-weaning enable her to sleep longer stretches without us there? Right now she wakes up within 15-20 minutes if someone leaves the bed. I'm at the end of my rope, mentally, and I really need her to let us have time together at night.

Any advice?

Oh, I should add that this summer she was sleeping for 4 hour stretches at a time in our bed by herself. I thought maybe she was cold, but no matter what she wears at night, for the last six months or so she wakes up immediately without us there.

[mamaforever]

Hmmm not much advice here.  DS is 25 months old now and used to wake up a lot during the time of putting him to bed and when I went to bed.  He used to cry for me every 30 minutes (on bad nights it was probably every 15 minutes).  I would quickly go in there and lay next to him.  He would normally just fall asleep again once he sensed I was there, and then I would sneak out of the room again.  Something I used to do (and continue to do) is to lay a couple pillows where my body would be laying if I were there in bed with him.  It actually seems to help because he always wants to snuggle right up to me (and him feeling the pillows there I think comforts him).  Have you tired that at all?  Or have you tried giving her a "lovey" to snuggle with when you're not there- like a blankie or stuffed animal?  Sorry I can't be more help.

[Refuging]

I've tried pillows, and then a heating pad (covered by blankets, wrapped around pillows), but she isn't fooled. As for a lovey, she has a few toys she likes to nap with--she naps in her stroller--but we haven't brought them to bed with us. I guess it's worth trying!

[Oka-san]

What does she do when she wakes up? Is she fully awake and alert and everything, or is she still sleepy but crying? I ask because my DS does this practically every night, much like traci447's DS -- I nurse him down, put him down, leave the room, and usually within 30 minutes he wakes up and starts crying. But all I have to do is go in the room and let him know I'm there, touch him, and talk to him softly, and he usually goes right back to sleep. Sometimes he does it 3 or 4 times before I come to bed myself. I do get tired of going up there every 30 minutes, but it's better than staying with him the whole time. He's 20 months now and it's getting better. Hope this helps!

[Refuging]

After she falls asleep, she sleeps like a rock for 15-20 minutes, then cries if I'm not there. I go back in and comfort her, but then if I leave again, she senses it immediately and wakes up. She won't fall asleep solidly like she did the first time. I can't even creep out to go to the bathroom without her waking up crying, yelling "mama!" She's definitely still half asleep, but much more sensitive to my movement after the initial waking.

I wouldn't mind going in to let her know everything's okay, but it's the fact that I can't leave again without her noticing that's so hard.

[mamaforever]

Maybe you need to stay with her longer until she's fully asleep on those other times you go back in.  I remember reading Elizabeth Pantley's Sleep Solution book talking about the sleep stages....Stage 1 (drifting off/very light sleep) lasts 5-15 min, Stage 2 (light-moderate sleep) lasts 5-15 min, Stage 3 (deep sleep) lasts 5-15 min.  Hopefully each stage doesn't last the maximun 15 min each for your DH, because I know that's a long time to just lay there.  I always end up falling asleep myself if I have to lay there with my DS for a long time.  Just a thought...I hope you find something that works. :)