2 year old taking things from other children

[LeighPF]

My son just turned two and takes toys out of the hands of other children. Not children he knows are bigger than him, but ones with in a year of him or younger (but not real babies).  At church retreat this weekend one little girl (4 months younger) would not go near him. He was taking things from another (almost one) and then not playing, so it is mostly about possession. "Mine" is a popular word. When they cry, he hugs them to make it better, but unlike me, they tend to get crushed which only makes things worse.

I know that developmentally it is where he is.

I have really worked hard to break my habit of taking things he should not have out of his hand and instead ask him to give them too me. I trap him if it is really important he not have it for safety, but try to let it be his choice to give it back.

I am looking for long term wisdom and short term ideas.

[Shaki]

We had a rule that you do not take toys out of another person's hands. So if X took a toy from Y we'd say "X, Y was playing with that. We don't take toys out of other people's hands." Then we would make sure the toy was returned or (depending on the emotional pitch of the situation) offer a few options. We offered options when it seemed as though the kid who had the toy taken from them wasn't too upset and might be open to a compromise. For example, "You can ask Y if she is willing to trade this toy for that one." But the expectation was that whoever had the toy taken from them, called the shots. If they were fine with a trade then all X had to do was provide them with the traded toy. If they were not fine with a trade than the toy had to be returned.

In any case negotiating the return of the toy went like this:

Mom: We don't take toys out of other peoples hands. Please give it back. You may have a turn when she is done.

if the kid hands the toy back, great. If Not:

Mom: Can you give it back on your own or do you need help?

If kid does not return toy

Mom: Ok, I am going to help you.

Then gently take toy back and return to the other child.

I know some folks may feel that this goes against "we don't take toys" because then the parent is literally taking the toy out of someones hands, but my feeling was always they know the rules, they've been given a chance to do it on their own, the toy needs to be returned and if they can't/won't do it on their own then it's my job to intervene and do it for them. Like I said I know not everyone on this board will agree with this approach, and I respect that, but it worked for us

[eloise24]

We do a very similar thing- get down to eye level, remind DD that we don't take things from other people and ask her to give it back.  If she doesn't do it on her own, we help her give it back, while quickly scanning for another item for her to play with.  We've done this from the beginning of "taking" and she knows it's routine.

It might be harder to start it with a 2 year old, but he'll get the idea eventually.  Like any other parenting thing, lots and lots of repetition, practice and consistency, it will build a pattern or habit in him that he doesn't take things from others or mommy will help him :)

[sweetiebird]

Another big thing here is to give him the words to say. I do this all the time with my DS. "Oh, it's not nice to take toys from your friends (whomever), when you want something you can ask for your turn when they are finished" "Friend, can I play with that car when you're finished?" and I find something else for DS to play with and help DS give the taken toy back. Their language skills are still so new, so we need to help and give him the words to say in almost every situation. And rinse and repeat again and again and again. HTH

[Fuzzy Bee]

This is what I do: When my daughter takes another child's toy, I give the other child one of my daughter's toys. If that is not an option or if the other child does not desire my offer, you have to ask your child to give you the toy or return it himself. For some reason, people don't like taking toys from children. They think it teaches them to take toys. However, if you are in a grocery store and your child starts picking things from the isle, what do you do about it?
 

The property of children should not be treated any differently. Don't forget to add "you have to ask first."