Pregnancy, weaning, anxiety, oh my!

[Italiamom]

I have a 22 month old nursling who is rapidly approaching a non-nursling.  When I found out I was pregnant, we night weaned (something we had been talking about for many months).  I was getting to a place where I was desperate for rest, and the pregnancy pushed that need over the top.  I needed it to be a good mama!  The night weaning actually went very well for DS, so much better than expected, but after doing so my supply decreased pretty sharply.  Nipple soreness set in a few weeks after night weaning, and as such, the frequency of daytime nursings ended.  We are down to about 3-4 nursing sessions per day, which for DS is NOTHING compared to his almost round the clock nursing.

There are ways in which I am so relieved that DS is getting close to weaning.  Our nursing relationship past 1 year was never very pleasant.  But, I'm also having some really strong feelings about it.  I had intended to nurse my child until age 2 or 3...  DS is rapidly approaching 2 (gasp), but he seems so... so young to me to be weaning.  Before having kids I never thought I would feel that way...  I have nursed longer than anyone else I know IRL.  But DS still feels like such a baby to me.  I feel so guilty that he isn't nursing, so... helpless?  Like my super-power has gone away.

And I'm having some pretty severe anxiety about him getting sick, and what to do when he is sick.  In his 2 years, he's only been sick for more than a day or two on one occasion.  I've always just power nursed him, and magically, he gets better quickly.  Fevers never last more than 12 hours, colds don't go past a day or two.  I'm just so anxious about him getting sick and really getting sick!  I don't even know how to comfort a sick child without my boobs!

I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster with all this, and don't know what to do about it, or how to feel.

[kamikazismom]

Hi, Italiamom!  I have a 20-month-old nursling and I am 38 weeks pregnant, so I understand a little of what you are going through.  A month ago my milk changed to colostrum and now he only nurses about once every other day.  He got sick last week and I felt so helpless.  I didn't know what to do for him without my magic milk, but thankfully he recovered without it.  Your body, breasts, and milk will probably go through many changes while you are pregnant, but you and your little one will get through it!  There are two books that I really like about toddler nursing, nursing while pregnant, and nursing two.  One is Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner, and the other is Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower.  Good luck to you!!

[D_McG]

Soon you'll develop new superpowers. Your relationship will evolve and you'll see your DS' relationships with other people evolve. You'll see his self-soothing capabilities improve. All that. Just give it time!

[Italiamom]

Originally Posted by kamikazismom 

There are two books that I really like about toddler nursing, nursing while pregnant, and nursing two.  One is Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner, and the other is Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower.  Good luck to you!!

I've read both...  Adventures in Tandem nursing is more or less the reason I started leaning toward weaning in the first place.  I figured a LLL publication would be more... encouraging, I guess.  I read through it the day after I found out I was pregnant, and it was such a big slap of reality to me.  It just made me cry and cry.  The realization that tandem nursing would not be for me was a hard one.  I'm certainly grateful for the book, that it was honest and helped me to look at a lot of myself and my nursing relationship to know that I couldn't be that mama.

I'm just terrified of DS getting a serious illness because we waited to vax him.  I guess I just always assumed that he'd have mamas milk until that point, and now it's gone.  I know it will come back, but until then, I'm so paranoid.