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Would you say anything to this girl's mom?

post #1 of 32
Thread Starter 
Everyday I pick my son up at the busstop, which is about three blocks from our home, and not visible from our house. My next door neighbor's daughter (grade 4) also gets off this bus. Everyday, she stops before she gets to our street (and would become visible to her mom, if her mom is watching for her) and does things like change her shoes (I've heard her mom yell at her for wearing "good" shoes to school instead of her "school" shoes), or wipe off makeup or switch a skimpy little sweater for her jacket that was stuffed in her backpack.

On the one hand, I'd want to know if my son was breaking rules I'd set, and I feel like I should say something to my neighbor. On the other hand, I think it's really none of my business and I don't want to be a busybody.
post #2 of 32

I would tend towards minding my own business.

post #3 of 32
I also would mind my own business. You haven't witnessed anything that looks criminal or that puts anyone in danger. I don't envy either of them for what they will go through during her teenage years if this type of behavior continues. But their relationship problems with each other don't directly affect you and your son.
post #4 of 32
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kythe View Post

I don't envy either of them for what they will go through during her teenage years if this type of behavior continues.

Yeah, she has 4 older girls who are all WILD, and the screaming matches can be heard all the way over at our house.
post #5 of 32

Then I would absoutly mmob.  LOL! Wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of one of THOSE!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by emelsea View Post


Yeah, she has 4 older girls who are all WILD, and the screaming matches can be heard all the way over at our house.
post #6 of 32
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Then I would absoutly mmob.  LOL! Wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of one of THOSE!

 




I was thinking more like I don't want to cause one of those.
post #7 of 32

Sounds like you wouldn't be telling her anything she doesn't already know, or could guess about her daughter. So really, it wouldn't be helpful.  

post #8 of 32


This was all I meant, really.  Like the screaming matches are going to happen whether you cause them or not.  KWIM?
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post

Sounds like you wouldn't be telling her anything she doesn't already know, or could guess about her daughter. So really, it wouldn't be helpful.  

post #9 of 32

I'd probably keep to myself. It's probably only a matter of time before her mom looks into her backpack one day and sees the make-up, clothes, and shoes. You don't want a kid to feel like they're being spied on all the time, so I think this way of getting busted is much more productive. 

post #10 of 32

I would absolutely MYOB, unless there was some sort of serious safety issue going on, which this is not.  If the kid is swiping makeup off her face, her mother will find out as she's bound to miss some.  She'll eventually find the clothing and shoes.

 

My 13yo once tried to sneak a pair of very short shorts to school (dress code is mid-thigh), and she was busted immediately by me, and it will not happen again.

post #11 of 32

Another vote for MYOB. I used to do the SAME thing when I was that age. Especially with the makeup. And I wasn't very good at putting on makeup back then either - like blue eyeshadow up to my eyebrow.

 

If were my daughter, I'm not sure what I would do with the information, or how I would feel about the person telling me about it. You telling the mother might put her on the defensive.

 

My mother figured it out because I was an idiot and taking (duh!) her makeup to school. It actually resulted in her buying some of my own stuff (very basic items), showing me how to apply etc. IHer thoughts were that I was going to wear it no matter what she said, so I may as well learn to do it correctly and not run around school looking like a clown.

post #12 of 32



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sdm1024 View Post

Another vote for MYOB. I used to do the SAME thing when I was that age. Especially with the makeup. And I wasn't very good at putting on makeup back then either - like blue eyeshadow up to my eyebrow.

 

If were my daughter, I'm not sure what I would do with the information, or how I would feel about the person telling me about it. You telling the mother might put her on the defensive.

 

My mother figured it out because I was an idiot and taking (duh!) her makeup to school. It actually resulted in her buying some of my own stuff (very basic items), showing me how to apply etc. IHer thoughts were that I was going to wear it no matter what she said, so I may as well learn to do it correctly and not run around school looking like a clown.


If I had a martini for every time I changed my clothes out of my mother's sight I could throw quite a partyPeace.gif It's harmless.
 

post #13 of 32

Yeah, she isn't doing anything harmful... make up, a tight sweater, and nicer shoes might not be what a mom wants her young teenager doing, but it isn't harmful to anyone and means nothing more than a teenager trying to find her own place.  Based on the fact that there are other kids in the family who are also wild with plenty of fights, they probably feel like the rules in the home are too strict and are rebelling against them.  If the only way she rebels is by sneaking make up then so be it.

 

Now, I might talk to the mom if I saw her doing some hard drugs... but that is a real concern.  make up and a sweater aren't.

post #14 of 32
Totally MYOB
post #15 of 32

wow, 4th graders feeling they need to wear makeup to school and hide it from their parents. 4th grade is not a young teenager to me. As far as telling the parent, it would really depend on how well I know them and why this is happening.

post #16 of 32

Hehe...I still remember in jr. high, it was the fashion to have the top *two* buttons undone on your shirt.  Every morning, my mom would make a point of doing up my second button before she kissed me goodbye.  As soon as I got out of the house, I simply undid it. :)  I agree with not telling the mom.  Would it maybe be helpful to say something to the kid, though?

post #17 of 32

I would MMOB on this one.  Nobody is getting hurt, and the family sounds like they my have bigger fish to fry.

post #18 of 32

Yes I would definitely tell her! 

post #19 of 32
All people ought to be allowed their own identity outside the dictates of their parents (or society...as long as they are not hurting anyone). I cannot see any positive outcome to you "tattling" on this poor girl. For anyone. All it would do is reinforce an already often unfair, unequal, often arbitrary power dynamic...that adults have more power than kids. No good imo.
post #20 of 32

I don't see the benefit of telling the mom. Maybe if the two of you were really close, or if you saw the girl getting off the bus and doing lines of coke, but I don't think this is that big of a deal.

 

I had a friend in 4th grade who wasn't allowed to wear shorts to school because of the family's modesty standards. She would wear shorts underneath her pants almost everyday. Her mom did find out when she was in the front row of the class picture! lol.gif

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