Would you say anything to this girl's mom? - Page 2

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by choli 

If I had a martini for every time I changed my clothes out of my mother's sight I could throw quite a party It's harmless.
 

Me too.

My mom made me wear a hat to school.  I use to stuff it in the mailbox on my way to school.  Picked it up on the way home.  Thankfully, I got the mail and the mail carrier never told on me.....totally harmless.

FWIW, it sounds like this family has issues of some sort, but disobeying your mother on these type of issues does not automatically mean you are going to have a wild teenage-hood.

I stuffed my hat in mailboxes but was an easy teenager.

Edited to add:  I do think grade 4 is a little early for this sort of behaviour (makeup outside house) but I still would not tell.  I have had to tell on kids before over behaviour, it is never fun, I would save it for far larger things.  

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by frugalmum 

Yes I would definitely tell her! 

Why?

[HollyBearsMom]

I don't see the benefit of telling the mom.  What do you or the mom get out of it?  We know that the girl will get in trouble and based on your description of the family it could be pretty bad trouble and the girl then does a better job of hiding.

If the makeup and clothing were *that* bad /inappropriate wouldn't the school be saying something?

[kawa kamuri]

I wouldn't tell. 

[MusicianDad]

I wouldn't tell. As been mentioned many times in this thread, there is really no reason to tell. The child is not doing something dangerous or harmful to herself or others, and when the mom finds out (and she either will or she is living in La La Land) it's just going to cause a huge rift between them.

[LynnS6]

I think the standards I give my kids about tattling could apply here too:

Are you telling to get this child into trouble or out of trouble?

IMO, telling her mom she's wearing 'good' shoes, make-up and skimpy sweaters = getting her into trouble, and not out of it. If she were engaging in dangerous behavior, then yes, tell mom.

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I think the standards I give my kids about tattling could apply here too:

Are you telling to get this child into trouble or out of trouble?

gorgeous! 

[CarrieMF]

If she is doing this down the street where her mom could see if she looked out the window the mom probably already knows.

What does a skimpy sweater look like?

Wanting to wear nicer shoes, not a big deal. She will get caught when the nice shoes no longer look nice.

Makeup, chances are she isn't removing it all anyhow.  Unless the mom is buying it for her, she is either taking it from her mom or her older sisters.  Older sisters will rat younger ones out.

Our school has a no makeup policy due to 1-2 girls starting to wear very short skirts & a tonne of makeup to school in Grade 4.

[karne]

I saw a group of 4th graders come into one of my kid's school last year with makeup obviously applied on the bus (think eye shadow that hasn't quite made it all the way to the eye lids), and smelling of perfume.  It was clearly a case of clandestine beauty.  The girls thought they looked beautiful and cool, and didn't quite know how badly they reeked.  The staff handled it pretty matter of factly.

FWIW, in my jr. high, you would have to fight your way to a mirror to apply the Bonnie Bell lip smacker and blush that was forbidden by every parent and the school.

I wouldn't say anything unless there was a clear safety issue involved.

[emelsea]

I wanted to come back and thank everyone for their responses. 

I also wanted to explain where I was coming from before you all think I'm some nosey neighbor, LOL.

When I first saw the girl doing these things, I ignored them.  Like all of you, I said to myself that kids need to rebel a little, and everything did (and does) seem innocent enough that I didn't pay it any attention. 

By now, I've been watching this go on every school day for almost 6 mos. 

I think that the day I wrote my original post, I had some crazy, caffeine-induced, wild-hair idea that if I said something to her mom, maybe my neighbor would wake up and start paying attention to this girl and what she's doing and maybe take some steps to prevent this daughter from going down the same path as her sisters.  About 30 seconds after I hit "submit" I came to my senses and remembered who I was dealing with.  This is the woman who said to me as she watched her 13 year old go off on a date with her 18 year old boyfriend, "She'll be knocked up by Christmas, just like her sisters", and then laughed about it.  (Christmas has come and gone, and I haven't heard about any new grandbabies, so let's all keep our fingers crossed!).  I guess I was having an "it takes a village!!!" moment, LOL.

Like I said, I didn't want you all to think I was the buttinsky of the neighborhood.  I just makes me sad to see this little girl doing the same things her older sisters did, and no one doing anything to guide her in another direction. 

[karne]

I understand. I didn't mean to make light of your concern at all.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by emelsea 

 .... I guess I was having an "it takes a village!!!" moment, LOL.

Like I said, I didn't want you all to think I was the buttinsky of the neighborhood.  I just makes me sad to see this little girl doing the same things her older sisters did, and no one doing anything to guide her in another direction. 

I sometimes have difficulty knowing whether to say anything or not.  Some things are in a grey zone.

I do think you are right that it takes a village.  In this case, though, I think the village (i.e you) will serve this girl better by role modelling appropriate female behaviour in an area where her mother might be failing.  Anytime you can slip in that she is a smart girl with a bright future and you are confident she will make good choices, you will be a small part of the village she needs.