Should I encourage dd to stop doing babyish things?

[ilovemygirl]

My dd will be four in a couple of months. She still likes me to rock her to sleep and sing Twinkle Twinkle. She would rather play with the infant/toddler toys I have for babysitting than her preschool ones. She goes to the board book section whenever we are at a library or book store. She will not watch/read anything that is beyond really sweet baby type stuff like Max & Ruby and Miffy the bunny. If a storybook or show has the slightest bit of conflict or uneasiness in it she will start to cry and run off. Long story short, she is terribly sensitive and doesn't seem to have any interest in progressing to anything more difficult or intense. 

I admit I'm very much a helicopter mom. She's never been in daycare or babysitting and mainstream moms have made comments about me spoiling her  

I want to let her grow at her own pace but I'm starting to get a little concerned. I don't know how much of it is because we are a little different (attachment parenting, gentle discipline) or because she isn't exposed to a lot of things because of being at home instead of preschool or if she's a late bloomer or if something could possibly be wrong. If I had to guess I'd say it's a mixture of all those things. 

On the one hand I think it's great and sweet and I'd much rather she want me to sing her twinkle twinkle than justin beiber, but on the other hand she's getting so far behind the social "norm" that we are starting to get comments from both kids and adults about it. 

Like the other day at the library she picked something babyish and the librarian pointed out to her that "this is for babies". Dd was confused and just said back "no it's not for the baby it's for me". I was really happy dd put her in her place but it had more to do with dd not catching on that the librarian was judging her than dd being tough.

So anyway, do you think it's an issue? Would this bother you if it was your child or am I being ridiculous? Even if it is a "problem" what if anything can I do about it? 

[Mosaic]

Don't worry. My DD is 4.5 and in full-time daycare, loves being a "big girl", etc., but she also enjoys her little sisters infant toys, cries and gets very upset at pretty much everything on tv, etc. I indulge her acting like a baby for fun (e.g., playing around the house, at bedtime, etc.) but not to avoid doing something she doesn't want to do (e.g., brush her teeth, put on her shoes, etc.). I do praise her when she does something out of her comfort zone or encourage her to keep trying when she gets frustrated with more difficult things, but I don't think that what you're seeing is related to AP/helicoptering at all.

[asraidevin]

Highly Sensitive Children by Elain Aron comes to mind.

[nextcommercial]

If she has both older kids toys/books available to her and still prefers the baby toys/books, I wouldn't worry too much.  You might want to expose her to older kids if she's going to school in the next two years.  But, otherwise, I don't see how these things can harm her.

At her age though, you and she can do some fun older kid things together.  Read fun chapter books about kids in school, or do crafts that are meant for older kids.  

If she is playing on her own, and still chooses younger toys I wouldn't think anything of it.  Who knows what pretend things she's thinking.    I read "The Foot Book" over and over again as a kid.... years past when I shouldn't like that book anymore, but for some reason it was my favorite book.

[Dandelionkid]

It doesn't sound like there is anything to worry about! Your definition of helicopter parent is not mine. Just because you are with her 24/7 does not make you helicopter. What would make you a helicopter parent is trying to protect your dd from all imagined danger, not letting her explore her world unless you are intimately involved. Sometimes it seems kids who are helicoptered stay in little anxious baby bubbles but from what you are saying your dd just prefers more innocent reading and viewing material.

Honestly it seems like a personality thing to me- maybe just more sensitive than the norm. My son is exactly one year older than your dd and he grew up SO much this past year: potty-trained, almost weaned, first activity without me right at his side, going to Sunday School without me. I would never have believed it a year ago! Your dd is still so little- you'll have those judgmental parents eating their words in a few years :)

Also that comment from the librarian was beyond rude. I didn't realize that older kids weren't allowed to look at picture books past a certain age 

[sparklefairy]

The things that you've mentioned wouldn't concern me.

And I really liked what Mosaic had to say; I was having similar thoughts.

[D_McG]

I think as long as she is getting enough exposure to/time with children her age it's OK. It's not clear how much of that is going on. My DS sometimes does more baby-ish things. But he's in preschool 3x week and a gymnastics class that he does without me, too. In those environments he's exposed to kids his own age and can learn/grow there in ways he can't with me.

I know my mom really held me back socially (am not saying you are doing that. it's not clear) and so it's something I'm hyper-aware of with DS.

[LynnS6]

I wouldn't worry about it. I WOULD get a copy of "The Highly Sensitive Child" for yourself. Justin Bieber is not age appropriate for a 4 year old. Being rocked and sung to IS.

My dd was in daycare 3x a week from 15 months. She is 6 now. She still can't watch TV shows with a lot of cello music because it sounds too sad. We haven't done Disney movies because I KNOW she can't handle them. Like your dd, she simply could not handle conflict or drama in stories. I remember once when she was about 3 1/2 or 4, she wanted me to tell her a story. So, I started something like "Once upon a time there was a little fish. She went to fish school with her friends. One day at fish school, the teacher taught them about the mean shark" "NO!" my daughter cried, "there are no mean sharks in this school. Only nice ones." She simply could not handle the least little bit of drama. Last summer, when she was 5 she really wanted to read the Rainbow Magic series. Other than the fact that they are pap for the masses, they are NOT scary stories. There's a mild amount of drama when the goblins steal something, and then bumble their way into letting the girls help the fairies get the stolen items back. It's the same bleeping plot line in every blasted book. It took dd 3 weeks to be able to up enough courage to read the first one. Even this last month, she got a new Rainbow Magic book and had to come into the living room to read it (when she should have been in bed) because the pictures of Jack Frost (leader of the  goblins) were too scary. Jack Frost was in bed, with a teddy bear with icicles on it! Scary?

You might want to let her pick out her own books and then introduce a few gentle longer picture books to read to her. There was a great older series that we read once about a little terrier dog. One of my absolute favorite books (and my kids) is: Bark George! The Clifford books are pretty gentle. Don't forget about non-fiction either.

[hopefulfaith]

Honestly, my 4 yo dd does a lot of those same things.  I have actually offered to make a large endowment to the library if they take her favorite board book out of circulation...that's how tired of it I am.  :)

I agree with the pps:  I wouldn't worry about it.

However, I have (like a pp mentioned) begun encouraging her when she does things that are out of her comfort zone:  my dd is a sensitive sort, as well, and we talked all day about how awesome it was when she took our books up to the librarian yesterday and put them on the return shelf all by herself *and* said hello to the librarian when she greeted her!  (This was big for us:  dd doesn't always like to talk to other people and has even been known to start babbling nonsense when she's feeling confronted or uncomfortable by people she doesn't know.)  I don't think she's atypical, honestly.  She hasn't been expected to step up and Behave Like A Big Kid too much, and I'm hoping that by encouraging her to do it in little ways (zip up her own coat, return her own library books), that she will gain confidence to do the big things as she grows.