She's never said it, but I can tell and I've been able to tell for years. There were a couple of times that I said or did something that offended her, and I called and apologized, but I kinda resented having to make the apologies. She misunderstood things I said (that were passed on through other people) and flew into a rage without speaking to me first. But those instances happened years ago and there's been a growing gap between us for a long time. She's great with my kids and I'm glad they have an aunt who is loving and interested in their lives, but she treats me like chopped liver. As my kids get older they're going to become more aware of this strange contradiction. At least my dd will.
I skipped out on a family get together at SIL's house last year and dh got several calls and texts from various family members about why I wasn't coming. He ended up getting really angry about it. Next time I know not to tell anyone ahead of time that I'm too busy and stressed to go out of town. Our baby ended up being sick at the time of this get together so I had to stay home anyway and I wished I had just stayed silent in the first place.
My niece's birthday party is coming up and I feel a little sick to my stomach about going to SIL's house. I wish I could just send the kids with dh and that would be acceptable. I want my kids to see their cousins because they have a great time together and dh enjoys being with his family (up to a point.) Why do I have to go? Dh's parents are nice to me, but I feel uncomfortable the whole time. From the moment we walk in the door it starts. SIL greets my children each personally and she doesn't even say hello to me as I stand there with them. I'm just sick of it. She doesn't need to like me, but I wish I didn't have to be subjected to spending a day or two at her house.