foster parents and adoption rights

[mommy_mini]

I've only posted here a couple times, I'm more of a lurker type than poster but I'm in a confusing situation and had some questions for the more experienced foster parents. We've been licensed about 9 months. Our first FD we had from birth to six months and then she went to live with her dad. We got a phone call a week before she left about another newborn who had been in the NICU for two weeks due to being premature and the amount of drugs and alcohol he had in his system when born. We've had him for two months so far. He's had a very rough start and is constantly seeing different doctors and is on methadone to help with his many drug withdrawals. Needless to say he's kept us very busy (not to mention his 2 yr old sis was placed with us last week). We've been through a lot with him in these short two months. I was informed yesterday by the social worker that the mom plans to give up her rights very soon and is not at all interested in getting him back. We're not sure how long that will be but I imagine we'll have him for a couple more months. They have located family who wants to adopt him. The baby's step grandma (his grandpa got divorced and remarried) has either a sister or a daughter (can't remember which, who are foster parents in a different state and they want him. Is this type of family always chosen over the foster family? I totally understand reunification with birth parents and adoption through aunts, uncles, etc. but Step family who isn't really related is a little confusing to me. What if the grandpa were to divorce this step grandma? That side of the family would no longer be considered family to him. Do we have rights or a chance in this situation? We would love to be able to adopt him. Another thing to add is that all of his doctors and special services are here. If he were adopted out he would have to start all over with a team of doctors in his new state. I would love any feedback or comments. Thanks so much!

[marsupial-mom]

If you can afford it and you really want to adopt him, I suggest you hire a lawyer.

Let me just say this: case workers don't always tell the truth. And the fostercare system doesn't always follow the law.

[mommy_mini]

Thanks for the reply! We've talked about hiring a lawyer I just don't know at what point would be a good time to do that. And I feel like we're in such a good place in our fostering community with all the social workers and higher ups, I hate to jeopardize that. I wonder if hiring an attorney will give us a bad name...? Does that make sense. I'm so torn right now, but we really love this little guy and I just need to know that he will be in good hands, he needs so much extra love and care and has been through so much.

[Polliwog]

I would NOT consult a lawyer at this point. You have had the child for two months and have no legal legal standing over kin at this point. And sharing the details of the case with a lawyer could be considered a violation of confidentiality.

[marsupial-mom]

It's not about going to court or legal battles or anything like that... it's about knowing and protecting your rights, which is the specific thing mentionted in the title of the original post.

Regarding "sharing the details of the case with a lawyer could be considered a violation of confidentiality. " I don't think so. You can share details with a therapist or a lawyer. Both are required to keep things confidential. And if you're really woried and you just want legal advice, then just change the names of the parties when you're discussing the situation with your lawyer.

Regarding "jeopardizing" the relationship with case workers and whatnot: Everyone else in the process is legally represented. The bio parents get a lawyer, the kids get a lawyer, but the foster parents are just trash that get used up and thrown away. Our rights are not protected. If anyone is threatened by you getting a lawyer, you have to wonder why. What are they hiding?

Lawyers exist to protect people's rights. That's their number one duty.

Added later:

The only reason I might not have a lawyer to call with questions would be the cost. If you don't have a family lawyer or a friend who is an attorney then you'd probably have to pay quite a bit. And at this stage in the game it probably isn't worth the expense because even in the best case scenario, adoption is months or years away. But... any lawyer worth his or her salt will be able to give you good advice at any stage.

What if... bio mom is willing to relinquish rights to you instead of to the state? Hmmm...?

[Polliwog]

Knowing her "rights" is one thing but it's really premature unless the birth parents do a conditional relinquishment (which isn't allowed everywhere.)

[heatherdeg]

I would absolutely show up at EVERY HEARING and make a statement.  I would give a general run-down of all the appointments since the last hearing, the results, the therapies and their progress, etc. and then end with making it clear that your family would be very interested in adopting this child (and his sibling if that's true).  Also, the child's GAL and/or lawyer and hopefully CASA should interview you.  Make all of this clear to them, too.  But most important, make that statement in court.  Make sure the judge knows all of what is going on with that child because until you've sat through those hearings in a state/county where that's legal--you will be absolutely STUNNED at what they DON'T know.  As a result, you may be strongly pushed NOT to be at hearings, but it is your FEDERAL right to at least make a statement at every hearing.

Every state's law is different on who gets legal standing and when.  And even that's subject to a judge's decision-making--so to say someone doesn't yet have standing may not really be true.  And if these people are not biologically related, that's worthy of challenge.

And I don't care how well tied-into your local resources you think you are.  They will do what they want.  Period.  And they will lie to you.  Period.  If not on this case, then when it works for them.  At the end of the day, they're not going to blackball you for long: they need the homes.  Sad, but true.

[marsupial-mom]

Another thing I would do if I were you (looking back at my experiences) is to get as much in writing as possible. If you can, have them correspond with you in email instead of on the phone. Twice now I've had case workers tell me "The judge ruled XYZ" and it turned out that the judge NEVER did any such thing. The case workers just thought it would be easier to get us foster parents to go along with a crazy plan if they said a judge thought up the plan than if they admitted that they or their supervisors came up with the plan. So if you can get it in writing it encourages them to be more honest and if they do lie, then you have some evidence that they lied and that might help you or your kiddo out in the long run.

Also, if they're rushing something, there's a chance they want to pull something over on someone. There's no good reason to rush a transition. Unless a child is in danger, transitions between homes should go slowly so the kids can feel comfortable and safe. But if case workers are rushing things and trying to have major events happen over a weekend with only a few days notice, they might be doing that becaue a judge, DA, or other lawyers are not easily avilable to stop them on a weekend.

[Smithie]

It sounds to me like the first step is to talk about your desire to adopt with the worker, and see how she reacts. It may well be that adopting the baby and toddler into your already-vetted home in her state is EASIER on her, and something she'd be strongly inclined to pursue. I wouldn't assume that she is gung-ho to deal with this fictive kin in another state. 

In your shoes (and I hope to be in your shoes someday soon!), I'd retain a lawyer to get another perspective on the process, and to to get my jargon straight so when I asked questions about the case, the workers (and the GAL, and the DA) would realize that I understood the specifics of the process.