Baby Number 2...

[newlyminted]

I'm not there quite yet. My son is almost 8months but I'm not going to pretend it hasn't been on my mind.

Before having children, I thought I wanted to wait until my first was about 2 before getting pregnant again. Now I am less sure. Ever since getting my cycle back at 4mo postpartum, despite EBF, my body has been baby crazy. Mentally and emotionally I don't think we're ready yet but I'd like to hear from others.

How old was your first when you had your second? Was the adjustment easy/hard? Would you do it differently/did you do it differently the next time?

Thanks!

[Disco Infiltrator]

DS was a month short of 3.5 y/o when DD was born. I'm happy with the timing. The adjustment has been hard and 3.5 y/o is REALLY hard. I think timing is a very personal choice. I know people who have kids very close in age and they have a great relationship, but it was VERY challenging to have them so close, but they're really happy with the closeness. I don't think DD and DS won't play together being 3.5 years apart and DS is so much less needy than when he was younger, which is good because DD requires a lot of our focus. Also I have to say that at eight months you have no idea what lies ahead. Eight months is so wonderful and the toddler/preschool years are amazingly challenging. I personally am glad that we had those 3.5 years just with DS. He's an intense and sensitive child and he needed everything we could give him. Yes, I fall heavily on the side of WAIT. Unless you're close to 40 it shouldn't make a huge difference. I also think having kids a little further apart has allowed DW and I to maintain our parenting values, which is important to us.

[MaddieMay]

My first is 18 months and I have a newborn.  It was a planned surprise, if that makes sense.  Things are chaotic and crazy right now, but I do like it.  They are close in age, we still have all our baby gear, and it will be nice when they are older.  The only thing that was hard was being pregnant, nursing, getting pregnant again, and now nursing again.  It's been hard on my body, I think.  So a little more space between #2 and #3 might be nice.

[Peony]

DD1 was almost 4 when DD2 was born, that spacing was planned and then it wasn't. We started TTC when she was 2, and it just took that long. I've build up wiggle room for every child since then for extra TTC time, only to get pg the first time.  Anyway, it was wonderful. DD2 ended up getting seriously ill as a newborn, we spent months in and out of hospitals, it was rough, really, really rough. We barely managed and I don't know what we would of done had DD1 been younger, she was old enough to pawn off on anyone that would take her and that is literally what I had to do for months. They are 8 and 4 today and play every day. DD2 and DS are 2y6m apart. It was fine, both cried more then I would of wanted because a 2 year really is just a big baby. DS and new baby will be 2y3m apart, that one I am dreading. He is delayed so actually acts younger then his age. 

[bdoody11]

My girls are 3 years and 4 months apart. We somewhat planned it that way since I had two miscarriages between them. I really wanted to have 3 years between my kids and DH wanted 2 years. I did agree to start trying when DD#1 was 18 months since in took 5 months to get pregnant the first time. I ended up getting pregnant the second month each time we tried. If my 2nd pregnancy had stuck they would have been 2 years 3 months apart, which put me in a panic. The 3rd pregnancy would have resulted in a 2 year 8 month separation which I was more ready for. Still, I love the 3 year spacing. DD#1 is high needs. She nursed through my pregnancies and just weaned a few weeks ago at the age of 4. She also just started sleeping through the night in her own room. I can't imagine having a newborn and dealing with the multiple night wakings she was still having around 2. Also, by three she was potty learned (daytime) and could help me with simple chores around the house and with her sister. I don't know if it made a difference, but DD#1 is in love with DD#2. I think being old enough to really understand my pregnancy, watch birth videos, and ask questions got her attached to DD#2 before she was born. 

Now DD#2 is a totally different creature. She is mellow and very chill. She sleeps well and I'm hoping she will STTN sooner than DD#1. We plan on having one more child and I would like to start trying next summer when she turns 2. Obviously, they will not be any closer that 2 years 9 months apart and, most likely, a bit farther apart depending on how long it takes to get pregnant. The people I know that had their kids less two years apart said it was really hard. My friend with 3 under 5 looks like she might not make it on a daily basis :)

Good luck with your decision and enjoy your adorable, squishy 8 month old. It really does go by too fast!

[caseykn]

My girls are 3.5 years apart and I love it.  DH and I initially wanted our kids closer but then he was laid off and out of work for a while so we waited until his job was stable again.  Many of my friends with 2 kids warned me that 2 was a lot more than twice as hard as one child and I just haven't felt that at all.  I realized that the people telling me that had kids way closer in age than mine.  DD1 was SO excited to be a sister, watched birth videos, saw her sister be born at home and really loves the baby.  She slept through the night in her own room for a long time before DD2 came along, she's potty trained, feeds herself, plays by herself a lot and all that makes it so much easier for me to deal with a newborn. 

[CBEmomma]

My kids are 2 years 9 months apart. I really like the 3ish age gap. Having ds2 wasn't a hard adjustment, it was pretty easy and natural. But being pregnant with a toddler was a little hard. My belly got big fast and my pelvis always hurt from the position ds2 was in.

[Ruthie's momma]

DD and DS are 3.5 years apart.  The addition of a second child has been amazingly "easy."  I attribute this to the fact that there is that 3-5 year gap that DH and I had long since hoped to achieve.  

DD has been wonderful!  She is totally smitten with her baby brother and he is completely in love with her.  We have really enjoyed seeing DD blossom as an older sister.  She takes so much pride in helping out with her brother.  She gently reminds other family members on how to properly care for her brother, as well...

DD has also been quite independent for some time (sleeping well on her own, feeding and dressing herself, potty learned, proficient at self grooming, playing very well on her own, helping around the home, etc.).  Of course, all of DD's skills have made it possible for me to more easily focus on the needs of a newborn.

DH and I don't plan on having any more children.  But, if we did, I would most definitely again plan for a 3-5 year gap between child #2 and child #3.

[newlyminted]

Thanks for replying ladies!

Before having kids I was sure that I wanted the 3-ish year gap and I'm pretty sure I still do. I am pretty happy that I am saved from  my biological pressures in my moments of weakness since DH is in charge of our birth control.

I've only been rethinking it because suddenly there are babies EVERYWHERE! I know several people who just had little ones and my best friend thought she was pregnant for a few weeks and it just spurred on the baby love!

I am loving having this time with DS and I do think I would feel a little....guilty? about getting pregnant so soon again. I do want to enjoy it being only the three of us for a while and I LOVE the idea of DS being old enough to understand a bit what is going on. And hopefully 3 years would be a big enough age gap that jealousy would be less and that DS could be excited about his little sibling.

[Yaliina]

I have had children at 19, 27, and 31.  My first DC passed as an infant, so I don't know about the age difference of 6 years between the first two, but my other two children are 4.5 years (exactly) apart, and I LOVE it!!  I will also tell you that the difficulty of pregnancy increases each time (or did for me).  Don't know how much of that is the multiple pregnancies and how much is the age difference (I think 19 is much easier than 31, though), but I do highly recommend giving your body a minimum of one full  year to recoup before getting pregnant again.  I have noticed that bouncing back from the pregnancy/birth experience has been more difficult each time, inconsiderate of the age of your children, though I imagine that having kids very close together would be difficult (and is, according to my mom). 

Personally, I found that I was so enamored w/ DS1 that I wasn't interested in even thinking about another one until he was about 2.5 (when he stopped nursing, actually, lol).  Now, with DS2 8 months old, I'm starting to think of another one, but a lot of that is that I'm getting older and don't want to deal with "at risk" pregnancy, etc., and don't want to be an "old" parent either.  I think we'll probably think about getting pregnant again when he's about 1.5, so I'll get to deal with the "terrible 2s" while pregnant and with a newborn; FUN!!  But ideally I'd rather space them ~3 years.   I think having an older child will make a difference, too, so the two closer together will be slightly easier because of DS1's help.  He's such a helpful big brother!!

[mckittre]

One comment from the other side.  I have a 24 month old and a 2 month old (so a bit less than 2 years apart), and it's actually not that bad so far.  No jealousy, an increase in chaos but not an overwhelming one, etc...  My 2 yr old is fairly mellow and communicative for a toddler.  And I wear the baby whenever I can. 

[skyewriter]

I think its all about how you parent.. Mine are spaced a little over three years apart, and 7 for the youngest (DS 9/10) and they are all so in love with the next one down... DS 2 is bummed not to have a boy closer in age.. but I did try! But the way you all get along as sibs has a lot to do w/ how you are parented.. like my family (read my parents and their sibs) was big or comparing and stuff like 'someday he'll be bigger than you, faster, stronger...' which hardly makes you closer to that baby brother!  But we're really into loving each other, AP, and sort of fan clubbing each other's talents and qualities... so its a different dynamic. Envy can pop up, but just healthy passing envy... and the same goes for ease of parenting -we co-sleep BF on demand and hold baby worship sacred.. so a new baby has been like a party or a vacation! But a regimented family with schedule goals might be in hell right now....  so what is your family like? That will answer how you'll deal with a new babe... to me the spacing wasn't a choice.. I'll take em when I can get 'em! But thats my theory above, hope it helps!