Emotional Support Requested

[RachelC]

Hi,

I am new to this forum, but have been reading the posts (lurking) for a little while. My EDD is May 18.

Here's the situation: I am in the process of moving from Lake Charles, LA to Houston (Sugarland), TX. I am 8 mos. pregnant and have two little boys (Jak & Ryan). We have found a house, but haven't closed yet. I'm praying that we can close and move in before the baby comes.

We're living out of a hotel room right now. My husband's new job makes it so he has to leave at 6:00 a.m. and doesn't get back until about 6: or 6:30 p.m. The kids get out of daycare/kindergarten at 3:00 p.m.

I'm exhausted, tired, depressed, lonely and half-crazed. I want to have a VBAC (which would be my second), but am amazed to find out that most every doctor I've talked to won't "allow" it.

I've had two abdominal surgeries (nothing to do with my uterus) since my second son was born and I'll be DAMMED if I'm going to let anyone cut into me again for no good reason!

Right now, I'm mostly ranting. I'm looking for a doula (because I need an advocate) but I'm amazed that my "small town doctor" and "small town hospital" that I've moved away from is so much more progressive than the 4th largest city in the country!

Thanks for the opportunity to rant. I'm terrified to go to a hospital right now (because they don't "allow" VBACs and have indicated that if I went in without a doctor's "permission" they would automatically do a c-section!)

What's really making me crazy though, is that the people I meet all have advice for me and or doctor referrals. But every time I call them, they "don't do VBACs." I finally found one that does, but his attitude is not ideal - in other words, he says "I'll support you in doing whatever you want," BUT he also says "why would anyone want to go through the pain of labor?"

People seem to think I'm crazy because I WANT to labor to bring my baby into the world! I didn't get to with the previous two, and I feel like I missed out.

(Okay, this is getting way too long... any moral support would be welcome). Thanks.

[mcsarahb]

Wow, Rachel, sounds rough. Welcome to you.

Have you looked at DONA's website for a doula (www.dona.org)? I would recommend that and ask any that you call for OB referrals. Sorry I don't know more about the area.

I wish you luck and comfort in this trying time...please let us know if you get anything figured out.

Sarah

[Sarah'sMama]

I really don't have anything helpful to say to you. Sounds like you sure are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just wanted to offer you my and support. You sure have a lot to get a handle on in the upcoming weeks.

Take care.

[merpk]

Nothing useful to say ... though in thinking about it, could you contact the nearest LLL leader, see if maybe they'd be familiar with any local "natural-minded" doctors or doulas who could help?

Wow. You've really got it all happening at once, don't you.

Sending you strength & light ...

[RachelC]

Thanks & keep sending!

Thanks for the support and suggestions. I have already contacted all four LLL leaders in the area, and downloaded a list of doulas from dona.org.

But I haven't yet talked to them all. I'm really looking for a doula who will not only support me, but someone who I can feel "protected" by. I've got the calls out. I'm just stressed, and appreciate the hugs, support, like-mindedness, and a place to rant where people don't think I'm crazy.

Thanks again!

[Defenestrator]

Hi Rachel --

I know that this must be an incredibly stressful time for you. I found myself living in my parents' basement while waiting for housing during the end of my first pregnancy. I can only imagine how stressful it must be to have two boys as well.

One other resource that you might contact would be the Houston chapter of ICAN. There is contact info online at ican-online.org. I am sure that they would be able to point you in the right direction.

Would you consider using a CNM? Both CNMs and direct-entry midwives are well-established in Texas. CNMs have birth centers, work in hospitals and do homebirths there. The direct-entry midwives have birth centers and do homebirths. I think that you might find that the CNMs are easier to work with re: VBACs. I know that when I am working as a doula, I have a lot higher VBAC success rate in the hospital with CNMs than with OBs.

Good luck getting settled. I hope that you are able to move into your new home before the baby comes.

Take care,

Stacia

[Defenestrator]

Hi Rachel --

I would also consider posting in finding your tribe for help. We are but a small gathering of women here. I bet there are several MDC mamas in Houston. You may even find a few friends!

Good luck, and hang in there.

Stacia

[KKmama]

Hi Rachel--

I'm going for a VBAC, too. I totally understand your frustration about the lack of support for VBACs and the low availability of care providers who are willing to do them...

Is there any way you can stay in LA with your current care provider until you have the baby? (Postpone moving to TX until after the birth.) I have no idea of the distance between Lake Charles and Houston... I suppose it's too far to drive back to LC in labor, too? *Have* you found a dr. in Houston who will do a VBAC?

Good luck on the doula... I really think it can help. We've hired a doula, too, and she's wonderful, and she's been so incredibly helpful in listening to my frustrations and fears about my care etc. (My drs. are good for the most part, but I really have no other options because they're the only ones in town who'll do VBACs, and I don't want to do a homebirth.)

I second the rec on looking for a CNM. I wish I had access to one here, but I don't.

You can rant and complain here, and in the VBAC area of Birth and Beyond, and in the cesarean support circle thread in Birth and Beyond... believe me, there are a lot of us who are right there with you... hugs to you!

[PattyCakes]

Wecome and Hugs Rachel. I have not had a c-section but I second the advice to either stay where you are for a bit longer if possible and/or find a CNM.

Hang in there Mama.

[RachelC]

I've talked to two CNMs. Both say that they are no longer "allowed" to do VBACs. I.e., their backup doctors will no longer support them, and their insurance won't cover it. (Belive me - that's the first thing I tried!)

I HAVE found a doctor who will do it. I'm just not enamoured with him. My husband says, "let's just try to not be in the hospital for very long." Which is good advice. (Which is why I need a doula). Why aren't they calling back? I left three messages yesterday!

We have thought about having me go back home for the delivery -but unfortunately, we can't plan for the time, and I don't want to drive for three hours in labor! It is a possibility - but there are so many negatives as to make it not very realistic.

[KathySkes]

Go directly to ICAN!!

Hi Rachel,

ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network), at www.ican-online.org should be able to help you. If there in no chapter in your area, join the e-mail list and you will be connected with women all over the country and hopefully some in your area who can advise you as to vbac-friendly docs, hospitals, cnms, etc.

I am 37 weeks pg with my second and thanks to my local ICAN chapter I know which providers are truly going to help me get the vbac that I want. Otherwise it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Good luck!!!

Kathy S.

[RachelC]

Thanks for the post, Kathy S.

With moving (yay - I'm finally in my house!), and settling in, I have basically decided that I'm too tired to search any more. I have a doctor that's "willing." I have a doula that I like (though the back-up doula is now going to be out of town at the same time as the primary, so I have to find yet another one), and now I have a house. I'm a lot less stressed out, and mostly exhausted. I think I'll be okay. Thanks again for the support.