Anyone elses finances this bad?

[Babina's Mommy]

Not looking for judgement please...I know it's bad, believe me and there's not a lot I can think of that can be done about it...not looking for a scolding or anything...I just want a place to get this out...

Once upon a time I made money and had good credit. In 2005-2006 I was struck with an illness that took a year to diagnose and kept me in bed...I tried numerous times going back to work and I was just too ill and kept feeling too sick to work. We were living in an apartment over grandmother in law's house, and only had to contribute to the electricity bill. We were in the process of getting a building loan that turned into a mortgage...during my illness that went through and the house was made. End of 2006 I was feeling better from my illness...before I could go back to work I became pregnant with child number one. I tried working while pregnant and having said illness and was too tired to continue and was let go from both jobs I tried. We were just moved into the new house in early 2007 and it was a huge shock to husband to have to pay mortgage along with all other bills. Credit cards fell behind. We each had a couple and they had reached their limit...his was used mostly for house building stuffs, mine for regular things to get by while I was out of work sick. We struggled a lot, and when daughter was around a year old, I thought maybe I could work just a couple days a week. Completely by surprise and accident, I was pregnant again. During this whole time we thought that the best thing to do would be to file for bankruptcy, chapter 7. Husband had started the process when daughter was first born, and paid the lawyer half the money. Then the mortgage fell behind a little...and a lot...and you cannot keep your house if it's behind on the mortgage and claim chapter 7 simultaneously. He always had big plans to get caught up on the mortgage and do the chapter 7 and just be done with it. It just does not happen. It has been 4 years since the process was started. The creditors still call. One made a court date and we just couldn't prolong it anymore and have had to start paying that one back to the lawyer. I told husband if we cannot claim bankruptcy we have to just pay them all back. There is practically no wiggle room in our budget. For a couple of the credit cards, but not all (5 altogether, though a couple were very low limits, others were medium). Around my son's first birthday I thought about the possibility of doing some work, (taking care of a person that I took care of back in 2005, even just a day a week or so, but it's very physical) and I found myself pregnant again. Completely by surprise and by accident. Of all the people who shouldn't be having a third child....also having a relapse of my illness...Husband thought possibly he could take the income tax return and pay up the mortgage then our lawyer but he cannot...he has to pay our property taxes (not included in the mortgage). We can currently pay the mortgage but we are still steadily behind two months. Don't have any idea how to get caught up. Husband is talking about getting a second job but isn't right now because baby is coming soon.

New baby is due probably any day and I drive a compact car and have two toddlers. Three carseats will not fit in the backseat...not even my two fit that well, my car is so small! We recently paid off that car (surprisingly, right?!) and thought we could maybe go see about getting a little bit older minivan. We went to a place that guarantees financing to just about everyone...bad credit, no credit, no problem. And we picked out an 8 year old van. They couldn't finance us because we're just too far gone with the credit....well they could, but they need $1300 more dollars than we could give and including our trade-in. I have no way to transport my kids together now. I live way way out in the woods and walking anywhere is not a possibility. We really only have the one vehicle. Husband has this work truck that's all smashed in and it's not street legal and his borrowing his grandfather's truck temporarily to go back and forth to work. The guy at the dealer was just baffled because he said most people are approved seamlessly. I wanted to die.

We were on WIC but I'm sick of being humiliated...I don't know if it's any better on FS but we've applied and have a meeting in early March, could be around my due date..

Anyone ever just experience this and feel despair and hopelessness?

I feel like such crap. I feel like I'm snappy at the kids because of it. And just disgusted being around husband. Whether it's his fault, my fault or no one's fault, I feel resentment toward him about it. I am sick of living this way. I cannot stop crying today.

[insidevoice]

It sounds like you ae simply over your heads with the house. In your position, I would file, and accept that the house would not be ours anymore as we were unable to afford it.  I would save up (and save the tax return) and plan to move into a rental while you get back on your feet.

It would be a blow, obviously, but you wouldn't be under that crushing pressure, and your health might actually begin to recover. 

Going forward, you will need to decide if it is likely that you will be able to work, from the recent history, it sounds like it would not be wise to rely on you for income until things are more under control. 

Additionally, childcare for three children is a LOT.

Please apply for WIC and FS, and follow through, you don't have wiggle room right now to be worried about feeling humiliated. I would take a look at why you resent your DH as well. I don't think he wanted to go down this path any more than you did. It's time to work together to pull yourselves out of it and that will either mean losing the house or his miraculously finding a second job in a tight economy- if that will provide enough. 

[Babina's Mommy]

TY, for the advice...I'm fighting back tears even writing now...

We've thought we were going to lose the house sometimes and even now husband says he thinks selling isn't even an option with the economy the way it is, we wouldn't get anything, but also, we're on 7.5 acres of land right now that is ours, right near 93 other acres of woods, but it's land that has been in his family for generations and houses and houses with land are so hard to come by in our area if we gave it up, we may never get anything like it again, it's been hard for those reasons, know what I mean? I love that we live far away from traffic, pollution from cars, businesses and right in nature just where we want to be...

I do a little working from home right now, but I mean little...after all is said and done it might come to $1000 a year.

Feelings toward my husband, and I know this isn't fair or rational or nice or loving at all...but it's just that it's been 4 years now and I thought we would've fixed it by now...or found a better job...he always knew that his job wouldn't be one that he could keep for the long term, meaning it could not support a family or pay for a house, but it's like he's had no drive to do anything. He does have skills but chooses to try nothing. Once, my older brother offered him a job through his work making more, but husband had a zillion reasons he couldn't take it. He's been at the same job since he was 14 years old. That was 15 years ago. It is a job through extended family. There is no corporate ladder. He doesn't seem to know how to work anywhere else and is afraid of people and lacks confidence. I've tried so many ways to up his confidence...

I'm grateful for what I do have. I feel awful that I'm envious of other stay at home mom friends who don't have any money worries. I know it's terrible...

[Babina's Mommy]

Also, as crazy as it sounds, our mortgage isn't that much more than renting an apartment! And less than some rents. Because it was a modular and our land was given to us. Taxes are a little on the high side.

I feel like husband and I both are short with eachother lately. He's been very very snappy and that doesn't help. When that happens I cry...that's all I've been doing is crying, crying, crying, lately.

[mommariffic]

You poor momma 

Okay I don't have any really good advice but I couldn't not reply. Don't feel ashamed to need help in terms of food stamps or WIC -- that is why it's there and you need it. You are hard working and not taking advantage of the system or anything like that, so do it! Anything that can help 

Is there any family members that could help you out? Short term even at least for money with the van? 

[Babina's Mommy]

Thank You!

Our parents are almost as poor as us, it's so scary, so many people seem to be in this situation...or maybe it's just where we live...it's like either people are really struggling or doing really good. Husband's younger brother has a lot of money but husband already owes him several thousand dollars. Other than that...no ideas....

With WIC, I didn't go to my last appointment because I was just fed up...we really like getting the cereal, cheese and whole grain bread especially, but many times we end up not getting the stuff at all (husband makes special trips for WIC stuff because we hold up lines and it's too crazy at the stores during peak hours and when we do shopping) and I felt so bad for my daughter who cried at the last WIC appt when her finger was pricked, I had to climb 3 flights of stairs to get to the WIC office, all while being very pregnant, holding my one year old in my arms and holding my three year old's hand in an old building that reeks of cigarettes. I was just like ehh, no thanks. Plus being at the store, the cashiers having no idea how to do WIC and holding up lines while people look at you like you're evil. And I know this shouldn't make a difference but I feel so much older than the other girls I see at WIC and one of the people there who does my info and checks sometimes is way younger than me and I just feel ridiculous. So I guess we're going to try the foodstamp card thing...I need to call though and see if I can get switched to a phone interview which they do for people with reasons like medical, living far away or in a rural area, etc.

I wish I could get my wedding rings off right now, I'd sell them so I'd have money for the down payment that van. In this economy and this life we're living the one joy we get is getting out of the house a few times a week to go meet some other moms at the park, go on a walk or go to the library for storytime. Now we'll be stuck at home. And we have had a really really long and hard winter and it's been so cold, and I'm so large and haven't been able to do a lot outside and am just not really feelin the snow, ice and mud and I'm having this baby probably as soon as the weather breaks and spring will be upon us and I just am getting cabin fever and stir crazy and feel the need to be out, you know?

[insidevoice]

*hugs*

I really a sorry you are going through so much turmoil. It sounds like you simply need more money coming in the door.  If your husband isn't willing to make the changes he needs to to support the family, you may have to restructure things.  I had a similar situation with my husband, and so I became the primary 'breadwinner' while he was with the kids.  My health fell apart, and he needed to return to work. 

A couple years later, he did realize that he needs to make more, and that in order to do that, he HAD to step outside his comfort zone.  And he did.  I still have to nudge him sometimes, but it is much better.  It did take hitting bottom to begin the uphill climb. I hope things improve for you soon. 

[Babina's Mommy]

Yes, exactly. That's exactly it. I was going to say, "I wish I could "Like" your post" and then, apparently I can. Haha. Yes, I do feel like it's all about the comfort zone. I feel like he hasn't even tried to improve his job or our situation. I hate to put it all on him but as of late there hasn't been a whole lot that I've been able to do to contribute at all.

[34me]

I'm assuming your illness is chronic.  Have you ever thought of applying for SSDI?  It seams as though whenever you try and work (irregardless of pregnancy) it exacerbates your illness.  That could potentially help a lot if you qualify. 

[GirlBoyGirl]

Originally Posted by Babina's Mommy 

Thank You!

Our parents are almost as poor as us, it's so scary, so many people seem to be in this situation...or maybe it's just where we live...it's like either people are really struggling or doing really good. Husband's younger brother has a lot of money but husband already owes him several thousand dollars. Other than that...no ideas....

With WIC, I didn't go to my last appointment because I was just fed up...we really like getting the cereal, cheese and whole grain bread especially, but many times we end up not getting the stuff at all (husband makes special trips for WIC stuff because we hold up lines and it's too crazy at the stores during peak hours and when we do shopping) and I felt so bad for my daughter who cried at the last WIC appt when her finger was pricked, I had to climb 3 flights of stairs to get to the WIC office, all while being very pregnant, holding my one year old in my arms and holding my three year old's hand in an old building that reeks of cigarettes. I was just like ehh, no thanks. Plus being at the store, the cashiers having no idea how to do WIC and holding up lines while people look at you like you're evil. And I know this shouldn't make a difference but I feel so much older than the other girls I see at WIC and one of the people there who does my info and checks sometimes is way younger than me and I just feel ridiculous. So I guess we're going to try the foodstamp card thing...I need to call though and see if I can get switched to a phone interview which they do for people with reasons like medical, living far away or in a rural area, etc.

I wish I could get my wedding rings off right now, I'd sell them so I'd have money for the down payment that van. In this economy and this life we're living the one joy we get is getting out of the house a few times a week to go meet some other moms at the park, go on a walk or go to the library for storytime. Now we'll be stuck at home. And we have had a really really long and hard winter and it's been so cold, and I'm so large and haven't been able to do a lot outside and am just not really feelin the snow, ice and mud and I'm having this baby probably as soon as the weather breaks and spring will be upon us and I just am getting cabin fever and stir crazy and feel the need to be out, you know?

I totally know how you feel about the WIC. It is humiliating! They don't treat you very nicely in the office and then using those checks in the store is a nightmare (to me anyway). Of course, you do what you gotta do to feed your family but I absolutely REFUSED for them to prick my kids' fingers. It is completely ridiculous IMO. They should get all the info they need from the doctor and leave the poor babies alone. I used WIC the first year of my twins' lives b/c their formula was $25/can and lasted 2 days. But when they turned a year old and I knew the pricks would begin, I stopped going. We do however get FS and I have to say it is MUCH better! For my state at least, you don't have to go into any office ever - I even applied online. No one really notices when you use your SNAP card so it isn't as embarrasing, although I always choose a kind, forgiving looking cashier hehe

Anyway, so sorry about your situation. I would try to do whatever you can do to save the house if rent is going to cost the same as your mortgage because with your bad credit, you may not even be approved for an apartment/rental and then where will you be? If you want to test the waters you could go ahead and apply for rentals and see what happens, but likely you will get turned down so definitely try to save the house. Call the mortgage companies again and see what you can do. Also, DH has to man up and get more work. Yea, working for strangers may suck but it is what he has to do to support his family. Maybe you can take in a kid to watch during the day? Sorry, I know it is hard. Hang in there!

P.S. please excuse typos as I hear a kid waking so I must run!

[crazyms]

I'm sooo sorry you are feeling bad! I know how you feel. This economy is hard and is taking more of a toll on people everyday. If it is possible for your dh to get another job I'd try to raise the income if there was a way. I agree with the above suggestion for you to try to get SSI or something if you have a chronic illness. That could be a major help. Also try applying for state insurance if you can. You mentioned the situation leading to this and the problems with the house but I wonder if there is anyway you might could lower other expenses in the budget? Having WIC and applying for FS is good and can take groceries off your load. Are there other ways to possibly save some money though?

[Babina's Mommy]

Thank you guys, I wasn't expecting so much good advice and understanding when I posted this...I was pretty nervous when I did it...

I did get temporary disability benefits for awhile but it had run out, and it was easy to get approved for that...because temporary disability is pretty much just your own money (I don't know if they have temporary disability everywhere?) but as for SSI, oh lord I know I'd never qualify. I have Lyme disease which can present itself in many ways. I've been infected three times in 5 years, but you only need to be infected once for it to be chronic. It starts out flu-like, then a lot of arthritic symptoms, then neurological. Another drawback to where we live, my dog has had it twice and almost died, my neighbor had it six times, my mom has it and hasn't worked in awhile either (hence the reason they are poor too) and my best friend has it and she works but has a really tough time day to day. It seems only in Lyme laden communities is it recognized as a chronic disease...and mostly not by regular doctors, though it is by my Lyme doctor obviously. I am on a medication for it that is $30 with insurance, every ten days. We can barely afford that so I stretch it out and only take one a day and make it last almost twenty days.

As for saving, the best and only way we could save is with that grocery money. But hardly...beccause there's bills not being paid right now. There is not a lot to save even though we really really should be saving. We don't do cable, cell phones or any extras. Internet is our big thing and that's been shut off a couple of times. My internet is how I do my little bit of work from home. We have just regular landline phone with our internet. We don't go out, don't get to shop much for things like clothes...husband has one pair of shoes that are beat up and have huge areas that are open. When we do buy clothes it's usually child stuff. When husband does have money, like extra forty dollars, he'll want to blow it on going out to eat. Money burns a hole in his pocket. I feel like he's always hoping someone will bail us out of this mess..as he's always counted on that. His grandmother gave us money for our property taxes as one point...a year before she passed...our mother inlaw paid our taxes at one point, she did it as a surprise for us. My mother has bought us things too, or his brother lets him borrow money. I feel like he's been babied for so long he cannot figure out how to do it by himself. I mentioned my parents and his parents, they are almost as bad, any time they have money they'll blow through it, including giving some to us. I feel terrible. I don't want to come off as trashing my husband here, as in this thread I'm only listed the things I'd wish to change, but it helps to get it out somewhere, because I cannot talk to anyone abou tit, least of all him. He becomes very defensive and will list reasons why he cannot look for a new job....for example he'd be looking for construction work, and the economy is so bad that no one is hiring for construction, so he doesn't have a chance. But he's never really tried to look for anything else. He admitted once that his father (who wants him to stay at his current job all the time for the extended family) tries to make it seem like he shouldn't do anything else and it's killed his confidence. A side job after the hours of his current work would probably be some job like being at a store...which he says he's going to do sometimes, but he says it's also not worth it, and that he'd be sad being away from the kids so much. We both agree that it's ridiculously hard for me to work hours because well, one, daycare is too expensive, and there's working at night, when he'd be home, but usually I am not away from new baby for very long for almost a year, with nursing, and just the thought of pumping ever again gives me anxiety. And like some of you have said, I know I sound witchy when I think things like I'd just like him to man up and find some better paying work, but I can't help that's how I feel. It's like he expects the world to do things for him. Some of this is probably my hormones gone crazy and the fact that I'm 14 months pregnant right now...

I called our mortgage company and explained almost this whole story to them and why we are steadily two months behind and asked if they do anything where you can have the payments put on the tail end of the mortgage...we did that with one of our car loan payments at one point. The lady was like okay, I'm going to send you paperwork on it and fill it out, etc send it back. It was a lot of info, and a couple of weeks later, we were almost done working on it and called back because we had another question, and we got another lady at the bank and she said she doesn't know why the other woman said that they do that, because they do not do that. She said what they do is have a thing where if you're behind, they'll let you pay just your interest for a couple of months...or wait...was it pay no interest for a couple of months...I don't know...they say it's supposed to let you get caught up on mortgage or other bills...Husband wasn't too sure about the whole thing or if it was just a waste of time or just didn't care and put the papers away and nothing has happened since...that was a few months ago.

[HeatherAtHome]

I can sense the despair in your post and it's giving me flashbacks. We were in a bad place for a while (not quite so bad, we didn't have a house at the time) and I think what changed is that DH went back to school to learn a trade and ended up with a better paying job. 

Budgeting:

My advice... would be to lay it all out on the table. Hide nothing. Even if the big picture is bad, it feels better when you know exactly where you stand with everything. Make a budget. Figure out how much you're short. Brainstorm on ways to make up the difference. If money burns a hole in your DH's pocket, YOU should hold onto it. I am aware of the 'spend money fast while you have it' mentality. I have family members like that, and grew up in a town with a lot of similar people. With actual budgeting where everything is all out in the open, you'll see very clearly where each dollar could help. Without a budget, debt looks like a big, black, bottomless hole that you toss money into or keep and spend on fun things. 

Look around, reach out, you may have local groups who help low income families, either helping them budget, fill out income taxes, childcare/playgroups, clothes/baby items, or just knowing where and how to get help (like with mortgage paperwork etc). We have one here and they do all this and more. Heck, I noticed a paper in our LIBRARY announcing a free clothing swap. Libraries are great for connecting with local people/organizations etc. 

Income:

One thing I really like the idea of is instead of looking for a capital JOB, look for multiple streams of income. Yes, your DH could keep his job and/or find another but also look at ways both of you could add extra, even if it's temporary: babysitting, selling crafts, planting a garden to save money or sell extra produce, selling firewood, making things out of wood, handyman for others, selling farm fresh eggs... I believe there is/was an unjobbing thread in Find Your Tribe that talks about this. 

On food:

Yes, apply for foodstamps!

DH has a BIL who's family regularly raised meat animals with other people. There was some sort of trade off, I know BIL supplied the land, the other people supplied the food and BIL butchered? I can't remember the details but I think they ended up with free/nearly free meat in the process.

About gardening. You say you have land. I just planted my first garden last year and I'm a total convert. Especially now, mid winter, still eating from it! :) I put a lot of work into this garden, but I also think that you can plant a garden in 'set it and forget it' mode. Prepare the soil by adding whatever goodies you can (composted manure, compost 'tea', old leaves etc and other organic material). Plant in wide rows (3-4ft wide) with everything fairly close together too keep out weeds. Lay cardboard covered with straw or other similar materials in walkways (to keep out weeds) and then just leave it. Let it grow crazy. I mean, check it once in a while, see if it needs water etc, but you won't be out there every day weeding! I am a lazy gardener so I love this method. Check out the gardening forum!. I suggest this because it's a big help food wise, with very little money and some work. You might have your hands full with kids but your DH could do it, maybe have some family over to help get it started etc.

Vehicle:

Where to you really need to go? I would keep what you have and decide to just stick around the house, come up with your own fun, invite people over to visit you etc. Do you have friends or family with bigger vehicles who could loan them or give you a ride if you all have to go somewhere? In our family it's common for us to grocery shop together. I take my carless sister who lives nearby, it helps her and it's more fun that way. The rest of our family lives an hour away and my parents often bring other siblings with them to do a big grocery shopping in our little city where food is WAY cheaper  and then visit us afterwards. 

[mamaofprincesses]

Are you eligible for any medical assistance? I wonder if you could take your meds as prescribed, if you might be able to work. . .or at least feel better!

I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation.

[crazyms]

I would talk to your doctor about the disability or medical assistance. The doctor or his office should be able to point you towards medical programs that can help you. They can also tell you what is possible as far as disability and can help with the paperwork.

I understand how you feel even with the feelings toward hubby. We had a house that we ended up losing after lay offs and such a couple years ago and it was a real stress for us. I didn't blame dh for the situation with the house but the time following that when I was working and trying to get us in a better situation I blamed him and fought with him about a lot of it because he was looking for work but didn't seem to be experiencing the push I was. He was looking but only for certain types that he wanted, had excuses why this won't work, had a reason to wait on this before trying that, etc. I was just ticked that he wasn't doing just anything that could be done because I sure was. The spite lead to the fights where I basically was miserable and despised him for not doing more and started pointing out more and more of what I was having to sacrifice and making him as miserable as I was. Not a good thing for our marriage. We actually ended up splitting up a year after losing our house from all the stress and fighting that came (we normally never fight). We stayed separated for a while before reconciling and recommitting to making things work. I just say that to let you know I understand the stress and feeling like dh isn't doing his part or the most he could do and the stress that causes.

My dh also works in construction (or did) and the economy has been awful on him. That's what lead to our situation. He was an equipment operator until all the companies and jobs started tanking around here. He finally just transitioned to driving a truck (had his CDLs already for driving dump trucks/hauling equipment) and then that got awful this past year or so with law changes and mill shutdowns. He was barely making anything and it was getting worse by the day. Tons of people were working even less than he was and that company has now shutdown over half the departments and laid off most of the employees. He's doing a different type of contract work now and even that is starting to lay off now. I don't know what we're going to do next when that happens.

Sorry not trying to spill our situation out here but I know how you feel. It is hard. I can understand having an already tight budget with not much wiggle room to even cut. Look into all the mortgage programs and options you can. Our experience didn't lead anywhere with it but maybe you'll have better luck. Also and this won't be a popular suggestion but if there are investments or payments to things that aren't necessary to live (life insurance, retirement, etc.) then I'd cut paying into that stuff. I know most people would argue with that and those things are good to have but when you're broke you're broke and it might help a little to cut that stuff and try to get on your feet better then reassess later.

[Mylie]

Try not to feel bad about getting help..I am 39 years old and am getting WIC for   my little girl.I hate the appointments but trudge through them..Also tell them no finger pricks...I just tell the "ladies" that she just had that done recently at the peds office and it was fine..Works for me...

Loosing your house is a big one..I lost mine when I took custody of L and had to choose what was most important to me...I needed a lawyer and had to pay them..I let the house go...I cried for weeks but I know it was for the best...That was 3 years ago and she is 3 1/2 now and still safe in my arms and I intend to keep it that way...No house is worth that to me..Now what you have to decide is what is most on your "important" list...Then go from there...I am still struggling..It isn't fun and sometimes you just cry and want to scream at the injustice of alot of things...but then I just go on...Tommorow will be there soon and hopefully it will be a better tommorow...I can't offer you anything but a chin up and a cyber hug and tell you that you will get through it...

I hope you feel better tomorow

[Ldavis24]

I think you've received some really great advice here.

Just another mama here who also is on FS. Where we live we didn't have to do anything more than a brief phone interview and faxed them the paperwork. DH went into the office one time only, to ge the EBT card which looks just like a debit card. The only downside is that we didn't get nearly the amount we were expecting. It helps supplement our grocery budget but it in NO WAY covers even 1/3 of it. DH just makes a tiny bit too much money to qualify for a decent amount.

I totally get what you mean about WIC though, we qualify for it but I refuse, flat out refuse to use it and put up with the BS that I know occurs at our local WIC office (other mamas have told me about it)...The difference between you and me is that we are living with my MIL (not thrilled but it is what it is) and have very few expenses overall. We are not on the verge of losing our house. 

It truly sounds the like the home and land are incredibly important to you! I would feel the same way. So if you feel the same way why are you not doing EVERY SINGLE THING you can do to keep them? I don't mean to sound harsh but swallow your pride and get WIC again. Just do it. Demand no finger prick and drag yourself through stinky hallways and know that you are doing it to help save your home! No excuses it will just be done. It isn't every day although it is still too often that they make women go imo.

As far as saving money goes, I have been thinking about this since you posted. Where I grew up a lot of families with land sold lumber to local mills and made some decent extra cash. You could opt to have as much or as little as you wanted cleared. Maybe only 1/2 an acre or 1 acre, which you then could work toward using for a garden or even keeping a couple chickens for eggs and meat or something. You are truly lucky as you said to live in such a rural place with no neighbors, why not take advantage of it!?

As a last resort if you were literally going to lose your house in the next month I would look into selling maybe an acre or 2. If it meant the difference between keeping most of the land or losing everything.

I really hope you can manage to keep going, it sounds like a terribly hard situation. My own family (DH, DD and I) are not doing so well. I know the feeling that you are never going to make it out of the mess you are in, I've been there, we are only just starting to pull ourselves together in this family.

[Lucy Alden]

I'd forget about getting a mini van and instead get different care seats.  You can fit three Sunshine Kids car seats in the back of a Ford focus.  I'm not sure what you drive but it can't be much smaller than that.  They don't have them in any of the stores near me so I had to order mine online.  Google and you can find some decent deals.  They're a little over $200.  Not cheap but definitely more doable than a new vehicle loan.

And please, don't feel bad about getting assistance right now.  Your family needs to eat.  Have you looked into Angel Food Ministries?  I know they can really help lower food costs, plus they accept food stamps.

Another little thing I do to get extra money is to use Swagbucks as my search engine.  Its not the best search engine, but you get points for searching.  Instead of going straight to a website I "search" via swagbucks to accrue more points.  You can use the points for gift cards and things.  450 points = $5 Amazon gift card.  I seem to get about $10 a month in gift cards to Amazon.  Again, not a huge budget helper but it's nice to have a little extra money to order food, gifts, etc.

Lastly, we listen to Dave Ramsey.  He's really helped my husband and I get a better hold on our money.  We are finally on the same page and that has been the biggest help.

[Momsteader]

If your house is the same or less than rent, you need to focus on keeping it!

Go and apply for absolutely everything you qualify for. This is an emergency to keep your HOME. Anything you can save from your budget can go to saving your home. Once you are caught up, then you need to do the bankruptcy if you honestly cannot pay those bills reasonably. This is what bankruptcy is for IMO. 

Apply for Foodstamps, Medicaid (even if you have other insurance through hubby's work...this can be secondary), WIC, Energy Assistance (called LIEAP here not sure if that is the same all over), etc.  There might even be programs to help you get caught up on your mortgage to keep your home. Go and ask. Be kind and forthcoming and thankful. You will get a good worker--they are out there! These extra programs will probably be as much as a second job for dh or a job for you minus childcare. They could also work with you on starting paperwork for disability. You may as well try! Especially with a long-standing history of not working due to illness. 

Using WIC and foodstamps....just ignore the people around you and be kind to the checkers. Have your order together and separated out to match the checks. Cook things that you can use these items. Also look into getting medical assistance. If you are pregnant, you will automatically qualify for full medical if you are within the income limits. You can probably get your medication cheaper or free. This will also help the budget. You can also talk with them about having no vehicle for your family to get to appointments, etc.  Where I live, it's very rural and FS and WIC can be done over the phone if needed due to car issues or weather. You do need to go in sometimes, but not as often. Also, there are sometimes programs you can be referred to for getting a vehicle (here Good Samaritan ministries does it).

All these measures are just temporary. If you can get caught back up, you will feel less stress. In a few months, perhaps you can look for a vehicle that will work for your family. I needed a mini van at one point for my daycare and I found one on Craigslist for $1500. It needed another $200 of mechanical work (we did it ourselves). It wasn't the greatest car out there, but it was reliable enough and insurance was cheap! I used it only a few times a week and it lasted me 3 years.

Definitely other good suggestions for budgeting, Dave Ramsey, etc. But for the short-term you need to treat this an emergency situation and get all the outside help you can!

[CameronsMama]

Hugs to you, and best wishes, I hope something gives and you can start working your way back up soon. You've gotten a lot of good advice, I don't really have much to add. I just really wanted to agree with this:

Originally Posted by CrunchyClark 

If your house is the same or less than rent, you need to focus on keeping it!

...

Definitely other good suggestions for budgeting, Dave Ramsey, etc. But for the short-term you need to treat this an emergency situation and get all the outside help you can!

 There's no shame in taking a little help when you really need it, that what it's there for, and when you're back on steady feet and look back at this time of your life, I'm sure you will see clearly that it was all worth it, anything that helps you get back on track is worth looking into now.