Anyone elses finances this bad? - Page 2

[SundayCrepes]

You've gotten some great, practical advice.

I'd like to focus on your husband. You sound frustrated with him. I wonder if it would help to look at this through his eyes. 

You, understandably, sound frustrated. My guess is he does too. He's got a lot on his shoulders--a wife and three kids to support. Teetering on the verge of losing a beloved property. A sick wife that he cares for and worries about. Then there's that male thing about needing to be a good breadwinner. Maybe he feels awful that he hasn't been able to just wipe away all the problems. Maybe he is just too overwhelmed to do more than go to the job he knows. 

As an example, my kids are 2.5 and 5. I have been so overwhelmed by the workload of caring for them that I have not been able to brush their teeth in the mornings. Now that my little one is just a bit older and a bit easier, I am starting to brush their teeth most mornings. I am appalled at myself that I have not been brushing their teeth in the morning (though they do get brushed at night.) We are not wealthy, but we pay the mortgage and we have enough grocery budget that I can buy my kids as much fruit as they want. Our marriage is strong. We live paycheck to paycheck because we choose for me to be a stay at home mom. If I worked, we'd be living the life of Riley. SO, we have very little stress in our life beyond caring for two little kids. And I've been so overwhelmed that I haven't been able to brush my kids' teeth in the morning. It sounds like your husband has a million times more stress than we do so I can see how he would be too overwhelmed to change his work situation.

I bet if every time you started to get frustrated with him you empathized with him and turned from frustrated to concerned that you both would feel tremendous relief. The circumstances of your life wouldn't change (or maybe they would,) but at least you'd both feel better about each other. And that would be HUGE.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes 

You've gotten some great, practical advice.

I'd like to focus on your husband. You sound frustrated with him. I wonder if it would help to look at this through his eyes. 

You, understandably, sound frustrated. My guess is he does too. He's got a lot on his shoulders--a wife and three kids to support. Teetering on the verge of losing a beloved property. A sick wife that he cares for and worries about. Then there's that male thing about needing to be a good breadwinner. Maybe he feels awful that he hasn't been able to just wipe away all the problems. Maybe he is just too overwhelmed to do more than go to the job he knows. 

As an example, my kids are 2.5 and 5. I have been so overwhelmed by the workload of caring for them that I have not been able to brush their teeth in the mornings. Now that my little one is just a bit older and a bit easier, I am starting to brush their teeth most mornings. I am appalled at myself that I have not been brushing their teeth in the morning (though they do get brushed at night.) We are not wealthy, but we pay the mortgage and we have enough grocery budget that I can buy my kids as much fruit as they want. Our marriage is strong. We live paycheck to paycheck because we choose for me to be a stay at home mom. If I worked, we'd be living the life of Riley. SO, we have very little stress in our life beyond caring for two little kids. And I've been so overwhelmed that I haven't been able to brush my kids' teeth in the morning. It sounds like your husband has a million times more stress than we do so I can see how he would be too overwhelmed to change his work situation.

I bet if every time you started to get frustrated with him you empathized with him and turned from frustrated to concerned that you both would feel tremendous relief. The circumstances of your life wouldn't change (or maybe they would,) but at least you'd both feel better about each other. And that would be HUGE.

This is great advice as well. I do feel badly for your husband. He is under a mountain of stress and his wife is chronically ill. My SIL has lyme's and she had major back surgery years ago that still plagues her (they had to install 2 rods running the length of her spine, major scoliosis). She is much as you described, just too tired sometimes to pull herself out of bed. She is alone though so she has no choice but to drag herself out of bed each day and good to work. It is tough, she has lost a few jobs over the fact that there are days she is physically not capable of doing it.

How is your care management for your Lyme's? She has found some great help with certain treatments, just tweaking her diet etc. She doesn't have kids so she doesn't have that added stress but she has been able to work fairly consistently since she was diagnosed several years ago. I am not implying that you are capable of working and simply aren't, I am saying that doing some tweaking to your management plan could help you get a little more energy, feel a little better you know?

Really, try to go easy on your husband, it is NOT going to help him to know his wife is resentful and annoyed with him. Unfortunately those feelings often just breed reciprocation in the other person. 

[Logan]

Is your place in an area it could be rented out? If you have any family you could stay with temporarily this could be a huge help. Just to let you get on top of the mortgage payments enough to catch up. I can understand wanting to keep it with the real estate market as it is, but if you did have someone to stay with for 6-12 months then it could be worth it to take the loss on sale price and actually just sell the place. Then you can get back on your feet with living expenses. There will always be nice homes to buy. But otherwise, let a renter pay your mortgage for now while you can't.

If you moved in closer to town as well you could alleviate the car issue. Otherwise sometimes car seats can go in the front seat. Its not ideal but better than nothing. I know its legal for them to be like that here in Australia in utility vehicles, as long as there is a car seat anchor available. And we have just introduced some very strict car seat laws. Just a thought. 

[redvlagrl]

Originally Posted by Logan 

Is your place in an area it could be rented out? If you have any family you could stay with temporarily this could be a huge help. Just to let you get on top of the mortgage payments enough to catch up. I can understand wanting to keep it with the real estate market as it is, but if you did have someone to stay with for 6-12 months then it could be worth it to take the loss on sale price and actually just sell the place. Then you can get back on your feet with living expenses. There will always be nice homes to buy. But otherwise, let a renter pay your mortgage for now while you can't.

If you moved in closer to town as well you could alleviate the car issue. Otherwise sometimes car seats can go in the front seat. Its not ideal but better than nothing. I know its legal for them to be like that here in Australia in utility vehicles, as long as there is a car seat anchor available. And we have just introduced some very strict car seat laws. Just a thought. 

Just to translate - a utility vehicle is a pickup truck. :)

Seeing as you said your family down`t all work - could one of them take care of your kids while you do work? I know pumping is just awful, but really, you're in a bad spot and you need to do all you can to bring in some extra cash.

If your DH took an after hours job at a store it would help. Just remember that it would only be temporary. Also definitely do the FS and WIC and whatever you can.

I don't really know how to gently say this, but once this new baby comes, it would probably be wise to think about using contraception. You cannot afford to have another surprise pregnancy.

i think the key here is that you need to supplement you income and lower your expenses. Perhaps if you posted details the board could help you out?

[Logan]

Originally Posted by redvlagrl 

Just to translate - a utility vehicle is a pickup truck. :)

 They used the term 'utility vehicle' in the ads for the new legislation and they were referring to both vans and Utes (pick-up trucks) so that is the only reason I used that term- but yes a utility vehicle is a pick-up truck, but we call them Utes - Aussies are way to lazy to use a term as formal as utility vehicle. What do you call vans there? LOL 

[redvlagrl]

you mean a panel van? They don't have the classic panel van here, just as they don't have the classic ute (i.e. car-sized and shaped vehicle with a flat bed). Isuzu type vans are just called vans but they aren't very common either, really. the cars are just a lot bigger.