Having a really hard time

[suddenlyamama]

No...at times I would even go so far as to say how much I "hate" being a SAHM.

I have a colicky 7 mth old. A DH who commutes 2 hours. And I have been diagnosed with PPD.

I had all of these plans as a SAHM and I feel like I can't accomplish anything during the day. It is a miracle when I don't lose my temper. 

Why is this happening to me? I know that sounds so selfish but really I am lost. I fought so hard to be a homemaker and now I am going nuts!

Was the transition hard for you?

What was helpful?

[pers]

Do you get any breaks?  

A night out with the girls or even just a few hours to go to the library and read in peace and quiet can make a huge difference.  Moms groups and getting together for coffee and adult conversation during the day can help a lot too, even if baby is along.  It is so easy to get overwhelmed and burned out when they are young, especially when dealing with colic or high needs.  And it just keeps on building up and building up and building up, so just getting away for a bit can help you sort of refresh yourself and come back in a better state of mind which is better for both you and baby.  

And be gentle with yourself.   It is hard, and frustration and getting angry at times are pretty normal reactions.  

Also, I am assuming you are in treatment or seeking treatment for the PPD?  

[suddenlyamama]

No. I don't get many breaks. I have few friends here since we moved recently. Yes, treating PPD. 

Thank you for responding. I loved the idea of escaping to the library. Maybe I will try that when DH gets home. I just feel guilty for not making dinner or finishing laundry, etc.

[zinemama]

Can you afford to hire a babysitter for a few hours during the day once or twice a week? If you can, you should. With all you have going on, getting a break needs to be a major priority for you right now.

As for all your plans, forget about them. Maybe choose one thing, like making dinner, to accomplish during the day. Planning menus for the week helps tremendously with that. Work on dinner throughout the day, don't wait and try to get it done in a rush. Saute the onions in the morning. Cut up the veggies a little later, etc. And don't do even think about doing housework while the baby naps. That's your time. Hang in there.

[lkvosu]

Hugs to you! I've got a high needs 4 month old and dh works nearly 12 hours a day, so I feel your pain.  I usually pick one chore to do each day and try my best to be happy with only that.  I have learned to only cook easy, fast dinners. Rice and a quick salad is a staple around here.  Noodles and jarred sauce are also.

Also, I have a list of postive affirmations that I read every day.  Here's an example: "I am so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind" and "My love and presence are all my son needs".  I have them in a word document that I pull up in the morning and try to recite several times a day. Kinda corny but it *really* helps me.

Some days are good, some days are really bad.  I guess we just have weather this season of our lives and know that the constant baby care days are relatively short in the scheme of things. Hang in there!

[oregonianmama]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Being a mom can be a lonely job. I second the idea of getting some help if you can afford it. You may be able to find a teenager who is happy to come over after school for an hour or two while you take a bath or read a book in the afternoon. Just having a break to look forward to really helps.

One thing that really helps me during those long days is to try to get out of the house every morning, even if just to the grocery store, it really helps the day to not drag as much. Long walks with baby on my back were a lifesaver for me, i would just go for a walk and "pretend" i was getting some alone time.

Here is a link to a blog post i wrote about making friends as a new mom: http://thebreastfeedingblog.com/2011/building-a-support-network-finding-friends-as-a-new-mom/

maybe some of those tips will help, just having someone else to have adult conversation with throughout the day can help curb the loneliness.

[suddenlyamama]

Thanks for the love mamas, today was another rough day. Oy. 

But, I like the idea of the positive affirmations. I am on it.

[philomom]

Is there a new mother's support group near you? I ran one at my local hospital for many years. It was a place moms could bring their babies and make friends.

Go easy on yourself. It should get better with time.

[sanguine_speed]

oh ((hugs)) mama. I had a really hard time when my 3rd was born.  He was a very high-needs baby medically, and cried a lot like your little one does.  It is so, so hard.

I know you said you feel guilty if you don't get cooking and cleaning done.  I wonder if you could back up a little and see the long view.  Right now, it is okay to do what you need to do to survive.  You need to eat and you need to live in a home that is hygienic, but your standards could change if only for right now.  It's hard to imagine, but this is not forever.  This is just a moment in time, and soon it will pass and soon it will be easier.  Caring for a high-needs baby has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and definitely the hardest thing on my mental health, no comparison.

[newcastlemama]

I had severe PPD with my first baby and I would feel guilty too that I could not do all the homemaking stuff and take care of the baby. My mom really encrouaged me to get out everyday and would even pick me up and take me on errands with her so I was not at home alone just getting more sad. I also joined a gym with childcare and that helped a lot between the excersise and know that I had 2 hours of babysitting a day paid for.  I am about to have my 3rd baby and I still have to remind myself to do fun stuff and not to worry about the house so much. It is better for everyone to have a happy mommy than a "perfect" house. This will pass mama. Hugs to you.