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Frustrated and OVER IT!

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

While EC seemed like such a wonderful, logical idea when my daughter was an infant, I am now wondering if it has screwed her up. I started doing EC at 6 weeks, and did it part time as I had to work. It worked great, and seemed to be just the thing to keep my little girl clean.

At 13 months she was telling me she needed to use the potty. So we went to full-time undies and trips to the potty. She was doing great, having very few accidents. At 1.5 she started refusing to use the potty, so I backed off for a few months then started again. Once again she did well, but after a couple of months she began throwing fits again and refusing to use the potty. So we waited again, and started up once more, and the very same thing happened.

Now, at 2.5, we have constant accidents every single day. I am over it, to say the least. It has been a year and a half of potty training, and yet again I feel I'm back to square one.

She's smart, and she knows what to do. But she only does it when SHE WANTS to. I've tried every trick in the book. We've tried different potties, timers, treats, rewards at the end of a dry day, sticker charts, EVERYTHING. And yet I have a 2.5 yo who is still not consistently using the potty.

Has anyone had a similar experience? 

I'm now pregnant with our second and fearing that in 6 months when we have a new baby, my first will still not be potty trained.

Everyone thinks I messed her up by doing EC. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "well you started too early." I'm starting to believe that that is the case.

I NEED HELP, or I may rip all my hair out.

 

post #2 of 11

Sorry, I don't have a similar experience personally but I do have friends who are currently doing conventional potty training with their 2.5 year olds.  2 of the 3 friends have children who are doing what your DD is doing: they know how to use the potty (do all day at the day home with no accidents) but when they are home only do so when they "feel" like it.  It's an age when they're asserting their independence and where the world is full of things that are much more interesting than going potty.  The third friend's child is done now but went through this exact same stage too.  And how did he decide to be done with diapers?  He was sick and had been using diapers at home, and got a rash from the acidy poop.  His mom told him that it would feel better if he wore underwear instead of a diaper.  And just like that, same day, he was done with diapers.  DD just has to decide that she's done with them (or with not using the potty or whatever) too!

 

As for EC meaning you've started to "early" a couple thoughts: 1) EC isn't potty training anyway, you just feel like you've been potty training for so long because you've been attending to DD's potty needs for that long (frustrating all the same, right?) and 2) it's how most people in the world go about potty training, it's just not the norm here, but all those other millions of children end up potty trained at an earlier average age than here in N.A. so how can it be because you started too early?  Don't let others rattle your cage, people just like to find fault with things that aren't familiar to them.  Lots of kids aren't done by 2.5, EC'd or not.

 

 

 

post #3 of 11

Like the poster above said it's an age they want to assert their independence. Which can be frustrating for all parties involved. What goes in and when it comes out are a few things they can have power and control over. Just relax and do what is easiest for both of you, if that's diapers or just letting them pee on the floor and cleaning it up, like they say: no one gets married in diapers, it will click.

 

Also like the above post says, EC isn't toilet training so the idea that you some how ruined her by starting too early is moot.

post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 

i definitely know that EC isn't potty training. i did it for hygiene purposes and it worked quite well. HOWEVER, looking back on it, it does make me wonder if that is what's making her rebel and take longer than normal. ya never know what their impressionable little brains are doing. i think doing half cloth/half ec could be confusing to a little one. doing EC full time sends a consistent message.

 

i just went and got pull-ups, decided it would be better for me, and i would probably seem less frustrated to her. she's had a lot of diarrhea and that is what sends me to the tipping point...pee is no big deal.  thank buddha for the diaper sprayer, or i would have lost my mind long ago! having done cloth, i'm used to dealing with all the poo & pee...but i did hope to be over this by now. oh well, i just need to let it go.

 

i am hoping to put her in pre-school for a half day a week, and i think that might help, seeing other kids using the potty.

 

thanks for the advice, i appreciate it.

post #5 of 11

FWIW, could she be picking up on your frustration?  I haven't BTDT yet and I can totally understand your frustration.  I do know, however, that my husband frequently thinks he's being calm and relaxed, but I can see and hear in sighs and the way he stomps to the bathroom or kitchen to clean up a mess that he is frustrated.  I'm not sure how much your little one has picked up on the attention that new baby (yes, still in utero) is getting.  Time at appointments, talking about it, preparing for baby 2, etc. is all probably something she picks up on???  Maybe if you just try to pay more special quality time with her, things will work themselves out?? 

 

It seems like from reading threads on here in the past that this is not uncommon for little ones to regress, especially with new life changes.  Also, while I love the points others made about EC not being potty training early... it does really feel like you've been doing it that long.  I've only been doing it for about 7 months and it feels like forever!

 

Good luck, I'm sure it's hard to be in that position!

post #6 of 11

So, I haven't BTDT either, BUT I know someone (who did not EC) who solved that stage this way: She told her son that it was fine if he didn't want to use the potty, but now he had to clean up after himself when he had an accident. She made sure he knew where the dirty clothes went, how to hose himself off (they have a shower on a long hose thing) in the tub, how to re-dress himself...learning all this took a few days....

 

And after that, he had 3 accidents, and then was DONE.

 

Just an idea....

post #7 of 11

are u reminding your dd when its time to go?  My dd was traditionally pt at age 2 but still needed reminders till 2 1/2 or later.  She couldnt stop playing in time.

post #8 of 11

I'm a montessori teacher, I've worked with toddlers through preschoolers. Many of my students went through a similar stage, as someone else said, it's just asserting independence. One of the tactics we used was offering a choice - so instead of asking a child if she would like to use the potty we'd ask her which potty she wanted to use, the big one or the little one. We also made it part of the daily routine, so before snack each child had to "try potty" and wash hands. After snack, before/after outside time, mid-morning, and before/after lunch we'd "try potty". They didn't have to actually go, just sit. Once they were consistently in underwear we did have them change themselves after an accident, we'd be there to help, but we really encouraged them to do it all themselves. The idea was "love and logic" so the logical consequence for having wet clothes is to put on dry ones. It's a lot of work for a little person and great motivation to get the pee in the potty! Best of luck to you with your daughter and don't worry, it really is a common stage.

post #9 of 11

yeah not sure it helps but I think this sounds very normal for this age. luckily my DS didn't do this over potty, but there were other routine needs that he turned into annoying battles... like getting dressed in the morning, or eating (he would look me in the eye, smile, and pour his drink on the floor, etc). 

 

I think pullups sounds like a good idea. Also having her take some responsiblity for dealing with the accidents.

 

plus if she's had diarrhea, perhaps she really hasn't been able to hold it?

 

Good luck- and I agree this doesn't sound like EC "caused" it. Sheesh. I know plenty of IRL parents who were resorting to candy bribes at age 3 to get their LOs to use the potty. And frequent accidents are really normal for 2 and 3 year olds. Of course, not ALL 2 and 3 year olds, but plenty of them.

 

editing to say: I think it does us parents a disservice when EC proponents claim that all kids can be diaper free by a particular age, yadda yadda, makes it too easy to feel like we've "failed" at something that really shouldn't be about success or failure! I am 100% sure your daughter will be taking care of her own elimination needs by the time she is in elementary school-- well, virtually all of the time anyway :)

post #10 of 11

Just another idea, is it possible that it is something she is eating that is causing some of the issues...for example, if something is causing diarrhea, it might be difficult for her to hold it and/or uncomfortable to use the potty.  And some foods (such as watermelon, or something that she is allergic/sensitive to) can really increase the need to pee, . 

 

Good luck!

post #11 of 11

how's it going?

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