Feeling very stressed - can anyone help? - Page 2

[Juvysen]

If you have a $2000 emergency fund, since dr says $1k, I'd dump $1k on the smaller debt and have it knocked out in a couple months... then snowball that into the other debt and they'd both be gone pretty quickly... then you'd have the cash flow to deal with if you lost a tenant, and be able to build up the 6 month ef... also, at that point, look into buying bulk meat from a local farmer...

[heatherdeg]

Loving the idea of a friend/relative in town that might be able to do internet service for you.  Heck, maybe you could barter with a business in town that has some extra space/an extra room.  Do they need babysitting one day/week for their family?

Also, my dh was so NOT, NOT, NOT on board with dealing with the money.  His aversion was fear.  It came across as entitlement (multiple ways: he worked and I was the SAHP so it was my "job", he worked hard and made the money so I needed to manage it) and then when pushed, he fell back on the whole "you're better at it than me" which was actually wrong.  I had just lived on my own for the 7 years before meeting him whereas he had still lived at home and had close to zero responsibilities... so he THOUGHT I knew more about it.  In fact, I sucked at it!  He came from a culture with very different mindsets about money that we desperately needed.

I don't have an answer.  I've become worlds better about managing our money, but he still continues to avoid it at all costs.  That being said, he also no longer argues with me about any of it.  If I say "No" then it's "No" even though I don't earn a dime of it.  And I know that he knows how to get into our online banking and manage the bills if I'm ill/die.  It's a compromise.
 

Originally Posted by Juvysen 

If you have a $2000 emergency fund, since dr says $1k, I'd dump $1k on the smaller debt and have it knocked out in a couple months... then snowball that into the other debt and they'd both be gone pretty quickly... then you'd have the cash flow to deal with if you lost a tenant, and be able to build up the 6 month ef... also, at that point, look into buying bulk meat from a local farmer...

While I wouldn't remove any of the $2k from your emergency fund (partially because of the rental liability if you lose a tenant), I WOULD probably stop building it at this point and roll that monthly savings amount either into a sinking fund for gifts, etc. (to prevent these going on a cc) or sending it towards the debt.

Also, in addition to buying an animal from a local farmer, see if you might host a drop-off location for a produce CSA (which is a seasonal farm share) or a coop (which runs year-round).  Before we relocated, we served as a drop-off point for a coop and although it was elbow grease, our produce was free.  MAN am I missing THAT.  

[moonlitemama]

Redvlagrl- I love the idea of seeing if a friend in town might have space DH could use to work from! Unfortunately, we don't have any close friends in town (and DH is very introverted so he probably wouldn't go to just any acquaintance's house).  I'll think on that though and see if I can come up with something.

I think our insurance is the type that DR specifies, although I'm not sure (don't have the book - borrowed it).  There is no cash value and it's a term  policy.

I will start putting the $60 I was saving directly into paying the debt.

Groceries - DH is the only one here that eats out; the rest of us don't due to food allergies, so there is that.  I haven't been buying as much meat as I used to, especially more expensive cuts and steaks.  So, I'm slowly trying to ease back on the meat DH eats (he is not at all pleased).

I know my allowance shouldn't be going to gifts, but sometimes that's the only place it can come from (I don't use my allowance much, so I have a bit saved up.)

I don't work.  I was wondering why no one had asked that yet :)  My youngest is still at home with me - he'll start 1/2 day kindy in the fall.  In theory, my husband's job ends at 3:00, so I could take an evening shift.  However, that falls over dinner and I haven't been able to come up with a sustainable plan for how I could handle dinner if I was working (DH will not cook, besides once every weekend or two.)  I just don't think I could pull off getting the meal made early every day and with our food issues there are no shortcuts.  I'll probably have a better chance after DS starts school, especially if we can get a decent internet connection at the house so DH can work here (then I could work day shifts and he could watch DS when he is not at school).  Keeping my fingers crossed.  I'd love to find something I could do from home, but haven't had any luck yet.

Juvysen- While I realize DR says only $1000 in the emergency fund, I think it prudent to keep an extra $1000 due to our rental.

I've looked into buying bulk meat in the past, but it was such a huge lump sum of money that we couldn't swing it.  You're right though, maybe after we have some things paid off that would make good sense.

Heatherdeg-  The idea about seeing if a business has a spare room for dh to work in - even better!  I'll have to look into that.

Yes, I have stopped building the ef - I'm glad you understand my reasoning for having a larger amount in it, though.  I will start using the monthly savings amounts toward the debt now (although I really like the idea of a gift fund).  We don't use the cc for gifts, we just scrape it up somehow when it's needed.  However, having a fund set up before Christmas is a great idea & I'll probably start that mid-year after one or both cc are paid off.

Interesting idea about being a drop off location for a CSA.  That would be great.  We're not in a central or easy to get to location, though, so I doubt it would work.  However, that reminds me - we have a non-profit here that harvests extra produce from folks' gardens, unwanted fruit trees, etc and gives it to the food banks.  I think, however, that their volunteers get some of the produce too.  I was thinking about volunteering with them this year anyway, so that might be an option.

I had a couple of interesting things happen in the last couple of days.  Friday afternoon I received our debit cards for the ef account that I just opened, so I was excited to swap out my remaining cc in my wallet for that card.  Of course, it will only be for emergencies (we already were only keeping the cc for emergencies & are good at not just making purchases on it).  I thought it would be easy for dh to do the same (swap the cards).  Boy, was I wrong!  He put up quite the argument for keeping the cc in his wallet.  We had a fight about it.  Later, I calmed down and talked to him about it again, explaining the steps I was taking, how hard I was working at it and that it was really important to me.  That finally got through to him and he willingly gave up the cc.  Yay!

The other day I went walking with a friend - we do laps at the mall.  I was telling her a bit about all this financial stuff - DR and where I'm at with it.  She wasn't interested in it for herself at all, though (even though they have numerous cc and aren't in very good financial shape).  After our walk she said she needed to stop by Ross to get some food storage containers, so we detoured in.  On our way to housewares, we passed the girl's clothing and she stopped to peruse the dresses for her daughter.  She found one she liked and looked at the price tag - only 10! - how could she pass it up?  Then she reasoned that her daughter could have a new dress for a banquet they were going to.  Then, off to housewares.  She found a kitchen gadget she had used recently and decided she needed to get.  Then she found the food containers she was looking for.  And a glass jar with the wire bale - her husband had been wanting something like that for his sourdough starter.  And, even though I offered her one that I had, the jar was added to her loot.  Finally, she happened to find some bed riser feet things that she could use so she had more storage under the bed, so those too got added.  $45 later we get out of the store.  First, I found it ironic that she chose to do this type of shopping given the conversation we had just had.  Second, I found it very revealing that I had NO urge to follow suit.  I walked out with nothing at all.  6 months ago, I would have done the same as her and come out with a few things, even though I hadn't gone in for anything.  It feels like I've had a great shift in priorities and it's great!

[heatherdeg]

YAY!!!!  And now you see how people wind up in debt.  :/  GOOD FOR YOU!!!  Between the Ross trip and getting dh to "hear" you--you are on a very serious roll!!!

As for managing dinners if you take an evening shift, you COULD do bulk cooking over a weekend and freeze the meals--especially since you have a big freezer.  This does a few things:  1) it decides portion size--period.  :D   2) it saves a LOT of cooking time (even if you're not working) during the week;  3) it allows you to take advantage of bulk buys on food;  and 4) you eat a lot healthier because there is planning built in.

That being said, it means you'll more likely have cut up pieces of meat which I'm not sure how your dh would handle.

And maybe the $60/mo saved from savings would be better spent making up the monthly deficit at the moment, and then towards debt when you figure out where else you can cut stuff and no longer have the deficit.  With your tax refund paying off the smaller cc, you could split that payment and send half of it to paying off the bigger cc and the other half to also contribute to bridging the gap in your budget.

Oh... and TOTALLY try gardening.  But BE CAREFUL to GROW WHAT YOU EAT!!!  Seriously.  I've done lectures on gardening for HMN and this is the one thing that kills new gardeners.  Sit back and really think about what your family eats the most of and just start with 4 of those things the first year.  For us it would be green beans, broccoli, lettuce and carrots or zucchini (we can't eat tomatoes, peppers or berries).  But really look at what you already eat--not what you want to add to your diet!!!  And stagger the plantings so that you can stagger the harvest.  Plant another crop every 2 weeks and hopefully they will mature every 2 weeks.  Freeze what you don't use (that you can freeze, anyway... obviously not lettuce).

[moonlitemama]

Thanks, heatherdeg!  I'm pretty stoked about both events.

I've tried bulk cooking in the past, but DH is particular about texture when a food's been frozen and re-heated.  Man - most people have picky kids, but I have a picky husband.  My kids will eat anything.

Yeah, I was thinking last night that maybe the $60 should just be put into something else in the budget for now.  While it would be nice to throw it at the cc, it would make the budgeting a bit more realistic.

Oh, I have gardened.  I'm persistent although I wish I had my mom's green thumb.  When we bought this house a few years ago I hadn't taken into account that it's a NW exposure.  Behind us, to the south is the top of a hill, so it blocks the sun a lot more than my garden would like.  I have a 15x18 plot that I'm slowly converting to perennials since the annuals don't like it very well.  So far I have strawberries, rhubarb, asparagus and some herbs.  I'm hoping to put some raised beds in the remainder this year to see if it helps - not only is the lighting not the greatest there, but the ground stays soggy pretty late into the season.

Last year I put in some raised beds across the front of our lawn (using salvaged lumber!).  5 4x4 beds, a 7x1.5 and two 1.5x3.  Much better luck with the plants there.  We had an over abundance of lettuce, some spinach, arugula, lots of tomatoes, some peppers, a zucchini, summer squash, carrots, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, and a pumpkin.  I planted pretty intensively.  I just started making this year's plan & will be cutting out the peppers, brussels and cauliflower.  Hopefully adding some separate potatoes and onions.  Oh, and we have some blueberry, blackberry and elderberry plants that should produce this year.  Yay!  Now if these snow storms would just stop...

[Juvysen]

DR's whole point behind having such a low emergency fund is to push you to pay things off QUICK.  Having the extra cushion doesn't make you feel the need to push as hard, thus it takes longer.

[crazyms]

Have you looked into satellite internet? It's crazy expensive for it but no where near what you're paying for phone/internet and the office rental.

[moonlitemama]

Thanks for the suggestion about the satellite internet, but it doesn't have fast enough speeds for dh's job.

Thanks, everyone, for all of the ideas and suggestions!  I really appreciate all the help.

[SuzyLee]

Have you looked into nannying? I help a friend of mine who works PT- 10 ish hrs a week, and she pays cash. Plus I can bring the baby.

I also occassionally do work for a product testing company. Like right now I am going in for a few days and sniffing armpits for 250$ a day to test deodorants.

What about looking for an assistant position at the school your son will go to this fall? A lady I know is a classroom/recess/lunchroom aide, and she doesn't even have a regular position she us just on call if someone else is sick. But it is a nice little bit of extra income.

My dh has practically identical food issues as yours. He will do pasta meals with pieces of chicken or stir fry. He will also eat homemade chicken soup. I can get boneless chicken for under 2$ at costco. If you know any members, they can buy you a gift card and then you can use it as a nonmember.

[moonlitemama]

Thanks for the ideas, SuzyLee.

I've thought about babysitting (I couldn't do it at someone else's house easily due to our food issues) and actually a friend recently asked me to be her "on-call" sitter one day a week for her two kids, which my son gets along with well.  I was all excited when she called me to watch them this week, but then she had to call back and reduce the hours because of a change in shift.  Then last night she cancelled because of a sick kiddo. :-(  Oh, well.  It is an avenue I'll look into a bit more, though.

I don't think there's anything like product testing around here, but great suggestion.  I'm in a small town, a few hours from the nearest "city".

I've actually applied for that type of job for the schools here a couple of times, but can't seem to land it.  A short shift like that would be ideal.

Thanks for the reminder about the gift cards from Costco.  I'd read that somewhere awhile ago and forgotten.  I'll have to see about doing that.

[Juvysen]

in my experience, you have to know someone in the school system to get a job like that.