Desperate for suggestions re:potty learning a 3.5 yr old

[hippiemum21580]

My three olderboys were all out of diapers and only having the occasional bed time wetting incident by age 3.5. But Creed will be 4 in June and we are at a frustrating stand still. He wets his pants at least three times a day and has only ever pooped once inthe toilet. He does not seem at all bothered by sitting in wet pants or even poop! We have used cloth diapers, training underwear, big boy underwear, cold sensation pull ups........We have treid sicker charts, chocolate chip reward bribery, aiming for cheerios in the toilet bowl, praising like crazy when he does use he toilet, etc..... I used to be a day care teacher and have succesfully potty trained many many kids.....so why is this so hard????? I am really getting frustrated because he also has fairly frequent bowel movements, (an issue we have been trying to pin point its origin from for a year now)  and the two or three poop accidents every day is really geting old....

[tabrizia]

Honestly DS trained on his own when we gave up on it.  Just put him back in diapers and stopped mentioning it.  He was around 3 years and 9 months when he decided he was ready.   Nothing worked with him, he wasn't going to be ready until he decided he was, so we just put him back in diapers and dealt with the changing of the diapers until he declared one day he had to go to the potty and did, with only 6  or so accidents in the following 2 weeks and basically none since then.

[~cassie]

I have no suggestion by my son will be 4 in July and is still pooping his pants, absolutely refuses to poop in the toilet.

[lilmom]

Originally Posted by ~cassie 

I have no suggestion by my son will be 4 in July and is still pooping his pants, absolutely refuses to poop in the toilet.

Right there with you. My son will also be 4 in July. He will pee in the potty no problem, but poop, that's another story.  

[angelandmisha]

Yeah, I don't know what the deal is with poop. My DS is 3.5 and we go back and forth. He'll wear underwear and do great, then have an accident and want his pull ups again. He used to only poop in the toilet(since about 10 months!) but then had some painful poop and will not go on the potty. I just keep talking to him and letting him pick which he wears- diapers or underwear. I'd like for him to go with underwear, but I'm trying not to push too much and trust that he'll do it when he's ready.

[meemee]

but why are you desperate for suggestions?

why does he have to be ready now?

some children do it late. many K has at least one or two children who need help.

you've listed you've done everything. that's a pretty impressive list. and it hasnt worked.

why is this such a big deal? because you have to clean a pretty frequent bowel movement?

wonder if his frequent bowel movements make him want to have a diaper on. because he isnt able to regulate his urge to go and perhaps he has to go right then and would rather have a diaper.  

i mean he is only 3.5 years old. 

[hippiemum21580]

Feeling desperate as I am a single mum of five on a very limited budget and cannot afford neither the disposable diapers nor the constant laundry....... I try not to push him but often he prefers the underwear and then will  have a loose movement while we are out and about running errands and that is just NOT a fun time  for either of us. He also does not seem to be bothered at all by accidents and has ended up with awful rashes a couple times when I have not caught the accident right away. He pees no problem especilly recently in the toilet.....but shows zero interest in pooing in the toilet. I dontbelieve in pushing or punishing.........Just wanting some ideas to positivly motivate perhaps?

[meemee]

aaaaaaah mama. i get it. gosh its hard for me being a single mom with one child on a v. v. limited budget, so i cant imagine waht it must be for you. 

does he feel the urge? does he notice he is going poop? 

my fear is it is bigger than a single answer or motivation. i am not sure how much control your son has over this. if he can do it. to make sure if it is his stubbonness or physical can you get him assessed by the doctor? would he be able to tell you if he got teh urge. could this be tied up with his food or other issues?

i mean you've even tried bribery. sugar. so this is some big stuff. 

sorry i am not of any help. the only cheap things i can think of is if he could ask you for a pullup before he needs to go or can a giant santary pad be any cheaper or less messier? 

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Have you tried naked time at home?  My son started wanting to use the potty just before he turned 2 and just yesterday he pooped in his underwear and he will be 4 at the end of next month.  So, so, so frustrating.  One of the things that definitely helps him is to be naked as much as possible.  He stopped having any accidents ever when he was naked from about 2.5 on.  I would maybe try naked at home and a diaper when out of the house. You would at least save on diapers part of the time.  Also, buying diapers from Amazon is so much cheaper than buying them in the stores.  I am also a single mama, but only to one, so not as busy as you, but you have my deepest sympathy on this one.

[~cassie]

Seems like he isn't able to control BMs yet, especially if having them in public.  Although my 3.5 yr old isn't pooping in the potty, he controls it very well and goes to his bedroom to do it.