3 Year Old acting out and regressing because of new baby.

[Harper'sMommy]

I am sure this is touched on a lot here, but I just wanted to reach out.  I have a 3yo daughter who was the center of the universe for the first 3 years of her life.  In October I had a new baby boy.  In all honesty, she's been pretty great about it. Until recently.  She's been potty trained for 6 months and has been having accidents (where she holds it until the very last minute and misses the boat).  She also seemingly sad about things concerning me.  She wants me to do every day to day thing with/for her.  Dad can't put her to bed.  She won't go to bed until I do it.  She won't go to bed if I am out, until she knows I am home.  She's throwing more intense tantrums.  Cries more than the baby does.  Etc. Etc.  It's wearing, but I am trying to be patient.

Basically, I know this is all par for the course, but I want to hear other stories and maybe some tactics as to how to deal with it.  Be firm?  Or more sensitive?  I want to be understanding and kind and gentle, but I don't want her to think it's okay to act out the way she does....

And my big fear is that she really thinks I love her less now that there is a new baby.  He's a dream and doesn't require as much "attention' as she did as a wee one, but I don't think it's fair to shove him to the side just to tend to her on a whim.  She tests me in that arena....

I just want to know it will pass and that we'll all be fine!

thanks!

[Surfer Rosa]

It does pass, but it's haaard. We have a three year gap almost exactly too, with a higher needs older DD, and a laid back DS, so I can relate.

A few things that helped were talking about her feelings and helping her to label her frustrations, and over time, she got it. We also made/make an effort to spend one on one time with her when possible (and this meant letting some things go, and re evaluating what mattered). I think you can walk the firm but fair line with a three year old, and you have to be consistent.

It got easier as DS got older, and she could play with him more (like, once he started crawling and doing stuff), and since then, it's gotten better and better. Now, at 5.5 and 2.5, they are so hilarious: they do everything together and love each other so much. It's funny to remember now how hard it was that first little while.  I think age three is really demanding without any other stressors, and they've had a long time to shine in the spotlight at three...so it's hard for them to give it up. We found little jobs for her and really, really tried to incorporate her into our routines, and she got into the "big sis" role once she felt she was part of "our" team. We also played up a lot of the things that she could do (because she was older, more able, etc). and that helped too.

Good luck-I hope things start turning around for you!

[Harper'sMommy]

Thanks so much!  It just helps to hear someone else who has gone through something so similarly.  Thank you!

Yeah, we have decided that one-on-one special "dates" with her would be a nice thing to do once per week and to include her in the 'bringing up baby'.  Just glad I am not alone!

Thanks again.