Please help me. I really dislike breastfeeding.

[Jenne]

I didn't want to use the word "hate". But that is sort of what I'm feeling, I guess. I did do a search on here and so I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way but most of the posts were for older kiddos or tandem or pregnant nursing...that's not us. DD is 2 weeks old today. I really don't mind nursing her during the daytime...I guess. It's not like I have other things to do and DH is here and talks to me.

But at night? Oh.My.Goodness I wake up and pray that she sleeps longer so that I don't have to nurse her. (Oh, and I'm not sleep deprived really I usually wake up before she does and have been sleeping in 3-4 hour spurts since month 8 of pregnancy so I'm habituated.) It makes me out of my mind to just sit there in the lamplight having her suck, fall asleep, me stimulate her awake, she sucks, fall asleeps, and all the while I'm worrying that she isn't getting enough milk, that she isn't gaining enough weight, that she is starving, that I'm a horrible mother, that DH is snoring and I really need some company. And time passes so slowly. I kid you not...1 minute feels like 20. Yes, I do watch the clock always when she nurses to track how long she has been on (not that I'm stopping her after a set period of time because she lost so much weight I need to make sure she nurses at least 170 minutes (she takes in about 1oz in 10 minutes and needs about 17 ounces in 24 hours according to the LC)) and it helps me to self talk that it hasn't been 20 minutes but only 1 and to calm down and relax. It never happens though.

So, what do you do at night? I cannot "do" anything while I nurse because she moves out of "good" positioning and pops on and off so needs to be relatched. Plus I can barely feel if she is actually getting any milk...I cannot feel let down...I guess I don't really respond to oxytocin very much (maybe that's why I didn't dilate?) because I don't really get the relax/happy thing that I did on occasion when I would pump trying to get labor going. It is awful.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my daughter. But sitting staring at her for 20-40 minutes? Not really my cup of nog. A minute? Sure! She is wonderful and beautiful.

I'm actually having thoughts at night that formula would be better. No logically, I don't believe that for one second. I just feel so awful and desperate...

and yes, I have placenta pills and tincture that I'm taking. I don't think this is PPD...but I've never done this before. Is this normal? Is this my normal hate being awake at night thing? ACK!

Can't anything about this be easy? Okay, that's an exageration...EC is going really well and DH and I love cosleeping...

I'm going to stop rambling now... Thank you for any help/advice/tips/commiseration...

Jenne

[MeepyCat]

Jenne, do you have a laptop?  When DD was tiny, I watched so much of How I Met Your Mother on Hulu while nursing the baby back down, that her dad could sometimes put her to sleep by playing the theme song.  Conveniently, a commercial-free ep of a sitcom (available on Netflix instant streaming!) is 22 minutes long - almost exactly your minimum for nursing the baby.

If you can hold the baby with one hand, you can surf the net with the other.  Or read, particularly if you have an eBook reader to play with (no holding the book open). 

[Friday13th]

I watched TV at night while we got the hang of nursing.  I needed to really wake up and have something else to focus on so I didn't go crazy.

[amaayeh]

I remember feeling that way with my first.  My mom had convinced me I had to sit up in the chair with the light on to nurse.  I was bored to tears and uncomfortable.  I know it takes a bit of time to get the hang of it, but you need to make a goal of learning how to nurse lying down.  Not only will this help you to nurse successfully at night in bed, but you can also nurse in front of the TV, etc.  Careful doing it on the sofa when they are tiny, but it does get better.  I did learn how to nak (nurse at keyboard) and spent much of my time on message boards and such.  You will be amazed at how much you can do with one hand!!  :)  It does get better, though.

[sosurreal09]

Congratulations mama!

The fist few months are by far the hardest! It is all about survival right now but it will get better! Try and be as patient and peaceful as possible right now. If there is any help take it!

As far as night goes, if she is falling back into a deep sleep, I wouldn't wake her to eat. She is probably eating like every hour or less during the day anyway right? I never stayed awake while nursing. I would just lay with her and latch her on and go to sleep. If she fell off and wanted more she let me know. I made sure we had no blankets in the bed. I actually had a snuggie that I cut the boobs out of to keep me warm. I didn't even sleep with a pillow at that age.

My DD was wicked colic/high needs and literally latched all day and night, I have so BTDT and felt like I was going to just drop dead! I love nursing her now but man was it hard in the beginning!

Just hang in there and try to get as much support as possible. Sleep when she sleeps. Take a nice hot bath to relieve stress. Maybe burn some lavender oil or a candle. Indulge in a little chocolate. Do something for yourself even if it's quick.

This too shall pass!

[fruitfulmomma]

Have you tried nursing while side-lying in bed? That is the only thing that saved my sanity. Dh was against bedsharing at first so we had a Arms Reach but I had to pick the baby up to nurse him and then put him back in it and this after a 36-hour labor. Within two days I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. 3rd night I ignored dh's request and just laid him in the bed with us to nurse and get to sleep and it was so much better. It does get easier, but even after 4 other babies the newborn period was still an adjustment with #5. Give yourself some time. Make sure you are getting plenty of rest and fluids during the day.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat 

Jenne, do you have a laptop? 

I bought a portable dvd player for this.

[blessedwithboys]

Oh, mama, I remember feeling just like this!  I was 17 when ds1 was born and when I nighttime-parented him I was all alone and felt so isolated and depressed.  It killed me to do the over-nights bc I had to turn on the lights and sit up (I started co-sleeping when ds was about 6 or 8 wks old) and it took like 20 tries to get the latch right bc I had like J cup boobs.  Ds was tongue-tied and sleepy and easily distracted and it just sucked SO BAD!

I would venture to say that this is perhaps not a simple BF issue.  Is it probable that you would still squirm in your chair while holding a bottle?  I'm thinking you would.  Barring a situation where the actual physical sensation of nursing was intolerable to you, and that is why you fell you "hate" BFing, I really think it's a matter of you having some baby blues.  Did you have a csec, mama?  Can you talk to your OB/MW/LC?  Is there anyone IRL that you could talk to?

As a mama who BF 2 kiddos through the night for 24 mos each, I can promise you that it gets better in time.  They do STTN eventually, and before you know it, you will learn how to nurse like this!  LOL  J/K, but you get the idea.

[Ravin]

My advice:

1. Learn to nurse lying down and co-sleep.

2. Stop watching the clock during nighttime feeds. Watch the diapers to know she's getting enough overall. Don't wake her back up if she falls asleep nursing at night. She'll wake again when she wants to nurse again; if you're in bed with her it won't matter if she feeds every 30 min. for 5 or every 2 hours for 20 min. Let her regulate it.

3. TV can be your friend. A TV or laptop with hulu and headphones so you don't wake your DH, and until you get the hang of dozing while she nurses (which you will as her latch improves!), you can keep yourself entertained while your hands are busy w/ baby.

[PatioGardener]

Back for more support and encouragement (hang in there! it will get easier!) and also to ask about your 170 minutes/24 hour breastfeeding. I was under the  impression that milk intake can vary greatly depending on the time of day, so that one measured feed would not give a good picture of, say, a 24 hour period.

There are many moms here who have had a sleepy newborn, and have lots of ideas on how to encourage baby to keep nursing/not fall asleep until full and ways to get more milk into baby per feed. For example, skin-to-skin and breast compressions (see http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=34:4-day-old-after-tongue-tie-with-compressions&catid=6:video-clips&Itemid=13) both really helped me with my DS, as did rubbing to bottom of his feet. He lost a LOT of weight after he was born, but gained back to his birthweight by day 15 of life and is still going strong at 10 months old now.

For my mental health, co-sleeping was a must, as was side lying nursing. And the DVD player and many many many DVDs.

How is her weight gain?

[maddymama]

Haven't read the posts....

My parents got me a Kindle and a book light when DD2 was born.  It was a lifesaver.  I can read a ton when DD nurses at night, hold it with one hand, and it does not bother her (or my DH).  Also, if I finish one book, there are hundreds of free books saved on my K for me to choose from to read next.  It is my perfect solution to nighttime nursing crazies.

If you like to read, especially in the quiet of the night, you might want to consider a Kindle e-reader. 

When DD1 was around, I used to finish a book, but a new book would be out of reach while I was nursing, and I would sit and stew and feel alot like you did in your post. 

Also, with a two week old, your hormones are still going nutso, and it's a hard time for anyone.  Give yourself a break.  It's ok to hate breastfeeding, especially at 3:00 am.  Also, hopefully your LO's latch will improve, or at least improve enough to let you do stuff one-handed.

~maddymama

[BrennaRawks]

Before S was sttn, my hubs would set our DVR to tape all my shows. Watching Chuck at 3am was a lifesaver for me.

Other than that, no real ideas but you are not alone, mama. Those early weeks are hell, no matter what way you slice it. *hugs*

[crystal_buffaloe]

It gets so much better and so much easier with time! Two weeks is rough.

You don't have to listen to me if you don't want to, but if you could stop watching the clock (as a PP said, if nothing else, for the nighttime feedings) I think it would help a lot. I was the same way at first, and I just could not concentrate on what I was doing (nursing, pumping) or it would drive me batty. I did a lot of talking to DH and surfing the web (reading posts on Mothering.com!) and I swear, my nursing chair is by a bookshelf and I've re-read every book I can reach.

Side-lying nursing is a life saver. You can practice during the day (for naps or just whenever) when you can see everything, and then it gets easier at night.

[Jenne]

Thank you all so much for your help and support! I don't yet feel comfortable trying side lying nursing because of my large, soft breasts. We had a breathing issue a week ago during the daytime in the cradle hold and I just don't feel safe trying side lying while tired at night. That is on the plan for a month or so down the road when she has more strength and head control. Something wonderful to look forward to!

Last night was much better! Thank goodness! Instead of getting her up every 2-3 hours to nurse I let her sleep until she was stirring and then popped her on. It came out to every 2-3 hours anyway but was responding to her cue rather than my fretting. I did have to wake DH up a couple times to ask him when she nursed last. But that is okay! I only stimulated her once each session to continue nursing. The second time I put her back down to sleep and went back to sleep myself. Much, much better then trying for 5-10 minutes to get her to keep eating. I had intended to have DH on netflix duty (I started watching the trash tv of "The Secret Life of the American Teen" while on bedrest and thought that would make for a passable 20-30 minutes) but forgot until the 1:30am session and didn't want to wake him yet.

I think just being able to say that I'm not in love with nursing was freeing. Thanks for allowing me the space to do that and for the really helpful tips, empathy, and survival stories!!!

Jenne

[Lauren82]

Another big boobies mama here. Mine puddle into flat pancakes when I lay down to nurse . What works for me is supporting my breast with my hand and using my thumb to keep my breast tissue from covering baby's face. Also, a rolled up small towel or receiving blanket under them can help too. In the very beginning it is hard because their heads are so tiny but if you practice you will make it work. It took me awhile to get good at it.

I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm not a fan of the first 6 weeks of nursing. Hormones are still going crazy and even if you think you're getting decent sleep, your body is still going through a lot of healing and changes, physically and emotionally. Definitely find some stuff to keep yourself entertained like books/kindle, DVDs, laptop, whatever.

Originally Posted by Jenne 

Thank you all so much for your help and support! I don't yet feel comfortable trying side lying nursing because of my large, soft breasts.

[blessedwithboys]

Your update makes me so happy!  This is what it's all about, right?  Mamas helping mamas to find their way, it's awesome.  Best wishes to you!

[crystal_buffaloe]

Yay for the happy update!

And it's totally okay to hate breastfeeding. It's totally okay to feel however you feel. I know that IRL, though, I would hesitate to say things like that because I knew that people would just say, "well, quit, then."

But after a rough start (for us) it really has been wonderful.

[~Adorkable~]

i think it is a big deal for us to say outloud that we dont like to breastfeed right now, i am having hard time too, and it is the only thing in all this crazy first time mothering that is making me feel like shit.

hang in there, we'll get thru this. bad tv on my ipad, and and a app to track feeding and diapers have both been great tools for me

[MujerMamaMismo]

Podcasts too... but it will get better I promise. Don't torture yourself with weight gains either. If she's happy and having plenty of wet nappies, then let her sleep when she wants to sleep.You'll all feel better for it.

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by ~Adorkable~ 

i think it is a big deal for us to say outloud that we dont like to breastfeed right now, i am having hard time too, and it is the only thing in all this crazy first time mothering that is making me feel like shit.

hang in there, we'll get thru this. bad tv on my ipad, and and a app to track feeding and diapers have both been great tools for me

Yep, made me feel the same way, especially when everyone around me was talking about how wonderful, bonding, etc. it was.  It wasn't bonding for me in the beginning.  At all.

Edited by Mulvah - 10/16/11 at 5:37pm