Is 8 yr old too young to learn the mechanics of sex? - Page 3

[katelove]

Originally Posted by elus0814 

I would be concerned that a very young child, under 10 or 11, might try it too out of curiosity. My oldest daughter adores babies so I wonder if I told her how adults get babies that she might try 'sex' so she could have one. She's only six but it's something I can see her trying to do if she understood the mechanics. 

I think "Can I have a baby?" is a pretty common question. My explanation of conception will include the information that it is only something which happens when our bodies are old enough and that little children can't have babies. Not sure exactly how I'll word it yet but yeah, that'll definitely be in there.

I wonder how many parents who explain details of sex also explain the details of abortion? Would you give your child the details and explain the 'mechanics' simply because they asked what it was after hearing the word? 

Yes. The scenario you describe is *exactly* the time I would explain what the word meant. Age and circumstances would depend on how much detail I provided. If they said "Mummy, what does abortion mean?" then I would define the word. If they followed up with "How does the doctor do that?" then I would explain the mechanics of a D&C or suction TOP. I would also provide age-appropriate information on my values related to termination of pregnancy. Everything I have read (and my instincts) tell me that the best way to provide info is when the opportunity naturally arises in conversation or when your child asks questions. And I personally feel much more comfortable doing it that way than saying "Sit down Dear, I have to tell you about termination of pregnancy" at some arbitrary time determined by me as the right moment.  

[MusicianDad]

Katelove, when DD asked "can I have a baby?" we told her that when she gets older her body will go through some changes that will make her into a woman. That some of the changes are visible (like growing breasts) and some aren't (like producing eggs). She was happy with that answer for a few years at least, before she wanted to know how she would know her body was ready to have a baby.

[katelove]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

Katelove, when DD asked "can I have a baby?" we told her that when she gets older her body will go through some changes that will make her into a woman. That some of the changes are visible (like growing breasts) and some aren't (like producing eggs). She was happy with that answer for a few years at least, before she wanted to know how she would know her body was ready to have a baby.

Yeah, that's the sort of thing I'm thinking of. Thanks.

[Doodlebugsmom]

I talk to my kids openly and honestly when they have questions like this. I think dd asked when she was about 3. Ds was probably around 3 as well. I haven't gone into graphic descriptions or anything like that.

For the record, I have two good friends who are much younger than I am. They are 21 and 23. They are both still virgins, and credit that to their parents talking openly and honestly with them about sex from a very young age.

[Cyllya]

A family member was able to sexually abuse me when I was 6 by taking advantage of my innocence, so innocence is not something I care for my kids to have! I think if I'd known about the mechanics of sex and heard some of my mom's values on it, I probably wouldn't have gone along with it--in fact, he probably wouldn't have even tried. Even if the abuse had happened, if not for the fact that sex was a total no-no topic in my home, I would have at least been able to tell my mom about it and not had to live the guy for the next 13 years. :/ (And maybe I'd have been able to tell my mom when I started my period... that would have spared me a lot of stress, guilt, and embarrassment in fifth grade... and let me keep that pair of white shorts.)

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

If you aren't telling your children the details of sex now, then I think you should think hard -- when do you tell them? What occasion? Children ask when they are curious. If they don't get answers, or your attitude shows that you aren't going to tell them, then they may stop asking. That means when you deem them old enough to know, you're going to have to make a somewhat bigger deal out of getting the info to them because it won't be a part of a natural conversation. That's OK, but do know that it'll take more planning and might be more awkward for both you and your children.

This is an excellent point and I just wanted it restated.

If you don't answer a question, any question there are a number of ways a child will respond.  They will either harass you into answering, look elsewhere for the answer or decide the topic is forbidden (or decide you don't know the answer).  None of those options are something I am comfortable with.

A great thing about children is they really only take in as much information as they are ready to handle.  As mentioned earlier in the thread---- a child will reread a book multiple times and get something different from it each time.

I know by the time I was into puberty I knew well enough to NEVER ask my mom about anything sexual in nature. 

 

Originally Posted by Cyllya 

A family member was able to sexually abuse me when I was 6 by taking advantage of my innocence, so innocence is not something I care for my kids to have! I think if I'd known about the mechanics of sex and heard some of my mom's values on it, I probably wouldn't have gone along with it--in fact, he probably wouldn't have even tried. Even if the abuse had happened, if not for the fact that sex was a total no-no topic in my home, I would have at least been able to tell my mom about it and not had to live the guy for the next 13 years. :/ (And maybe I'd have been able to tell my mom when I started my period... that would have spared me a lot of stress, guilt, and embarrassment in fifth grade... and let me keep that pair of white shorts.)

  Totally true--- part of knowing what is normal/expected/acceptable is the other side of the coin--- knowing when something is not normal.  It can have huge health impact as well as the acceptance of so many children of abuse, they literally don't know saying "no" or getting help is an option.