I wish I could be happy for her...

[BeautyforAshes]

I've been going around and around in my mind about posting this, but just decided I should because it's eating me up.  Background info: my only child, a daughter,  is 2 yrs old with SN.  We had trouble getting pregnant, and were just starting to think it wasn't going to happen when we found out.  We were absolutely shattered when she was born with T21 and a serious heart condition which required open heart surgery at 4 months.  I have a good friend at work who has been trying to get pregnant for a while now, and has had a couple of miscarriages already.  She is pregnant again after seeing a fertility specialist.   Because of the work restrictions that she has now, I have to carry a larger workload and have also been given a very undesirable work assignment.  (It has actually caused me to decide to look for another job--it is the last straw.) I feel so bad because she is such a good friend, but I just can't feel happy for her about the baby.  I'm overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, jealousy, and resentment about the extra work.  I find myself withdrawing from her because of all these feelings.  She has never been anything but a wonderful friend to me, which makes me feel like an even more horrible person for feeling this way. 

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

I understand.  Go ahead and send out resumes for other jobs.  Your manager has put you in this position, not your friend.  Right now you are displacing your unhappiness onto the wrong person.  Maybe you can talk to your manager about it.  If not, it's time to find that other job.  Then you can be happy for your friend. 

[beachcomber]

I agree with the PP. You are just one person and it's nothing to do with your friend that your workload has become unbearable. You leaving the job won't affect your friend but it will affect your workplace. Which is totally appropriate. I also think that you have every right to be having a hard time with your friend's pregnancy. You've been through hell these past few years and your DD hasn't presented you with that "happily every after, all our dreams come true" ending to the pregnancy dream. It's hard - SO HARD - to come to grips with that. It's unbearably hard to watch your special little person and know they're not going to have the life you did, they will always need assistance, etc. It's hard to let go of that dream. I grieve for my DD on a regular basis. I celebrate her accomplishments and strides, for sure. But sometimes I look at all her baby class peers who are thriving in their kindergarten classes and see my kid who isn't there, couldn't survive there, etc., and it hurts. It sucks. It sucks for her and for you. It just plain SUCKS. It makes it sometimes very hard to see other people in their happiness, their NORMALCY, and be happy for them. That's a perfectly valid feeling from this side of the fence.

[Lilypie32]

I think you should look for another job if you are unhappy with what you do or your employer. Would talking to your boss help do you think? I think that would be where I personally would start (especially in this job market).

That being said, I know how you feel. I dreamt of this perfect child for so long only to have that dream ripped away. My best friend has 2 perfectly beautiful normal children and while I love my son, I still grieve the loss of what could have been and I'm often jealous of her easy life and perfect kids. I often feel angry at people who have it so good but still moan and groan about how hard their lives are. Boo hoo that you have to take your kids to ballet and soccer and baseball. I have to attend therapy session 5 times per week and deal with morons in the schools. My child won't participate in the typical group activities I'd so love for him to do.

I can empathize. (((HUGS)))

[BeautyforAshes]

Originally Posted by Lilypie32 
I often feel angry at people who have it so good but still moan and groan about how hard their lives are. Boo hoo that you have to take your kids to ballet and soccer and baseball. I have to attend therapy session 5 times per week and deal with morons in the schools.
 

Originally Posted by beachcomber 

It's hard - SO HARD - to come to grips with that. It's unbearably hard to watch your special little person and know they're not going to have the life you did, they will always need assistance, etc. It's hard to let go of that dream. It sucks. It sucks for her and for you. It just plain SUCKS. It makes it sometimes very hard to see other people in their happiness, their NORMALCY, and be happy for them. That's a perfectly valid feeling from this side of the fence.

Thank you SO much, mamas.  It's so great to be able to talk to people who "get it".