How can I reduce our ridiculously long, drawn out, bedtime routine? - Page 2

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo 

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. There's actually a few things in there that we haven't tried....of course, for a minute there I thought we weren't going to have to try anything because he had a few miraculous nights of going to sleep on his own last week but he's been sick this week and now it's worse than it's ever been. Tonight he required both of us to stay with him for a painful 2 hours of stalling.

I am interested in the crying stuff but worry about his safety because he throws himself around and tries to come out to see us. What do you folks whose kids are in beds, as opposed to cribs, do about the constant getting up?

My son is in a bed, and I was worried about the constant getting up, b/c he did it when I was in the room, but he doesn't do it when I'm not in the room.  I don't have a night light though, so when the lights are out its dark (but I do live in NYC, so there is a bit of a city glow even when its darkest out).  The first few nights, I would just go in and tuck him back in and leave.  For us the first few nights were the worst, and then it evened out.

If you're worried about him throwing himself around, just make sure theres as little stuff in the room for him to hurt himself on (like shoes in the middle of the floor), my ds only throws himself around when he has an audience - its like not having an audience doesn't inspire him to be dramatic. 

[GoBecGo]

My DD is 4 now, so past this, but when she got up i put her back.  Over and over.  Once 96 (not kidding) times in one evening.  But she got the message.  I didn't speak to her really, i just picked her up and carried her back to bed and put her down and tucked her in and said "night night" and walked out.  Rinse and REPEAT.  The more she did it the less i interacted, the last 40 or so times were done in complete silence.

Bedtime is hard, for a lot of kids sleep is hard.  Your son sounds very smart, that makes it even harder!  But i felt i had to set boundaries about bedtime, and about behaviour, however hard it got.  My DD tried being aggressive - sorry, no violence in our family.  NONE.  When she was aggressive i told her "We do not hit one another", put her on her bed, and walked away.  I certainly wasn't going to stay and teach her by my actions that a bit of aggression gets you what you want, or even give her a "good night" as if she hadn't done anything wrong.

We do (and have done since about 14months) bath, milk, teeth, stories and talk about day with cuddles, bedtime.  I say "night NIGHT, sleep TIGHT, don't let the bedbugs BITE, if they BITE..." and DD says "bite them back!" and i say "sweet dreams, love you" and she says "love you too" and sometimes we go on up "love you 3, love you 4" but more often now she says "love you 10 i win!" and i say "love you 10 as well, joint winners" and then i say "night night" and that's it.  

Firmness, persistence and loving confidence that you're honestly doing right by him are key.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo 


I am interested in the crying stuff but worry about his safety because he throws himself around and tries to come out to see us. What do you folks whose kids are in beds, as opposed to cribs, do about the constant getting up?

"I will be back in 5 minutes. You have to stay in your room. Leaving your room is not an option. Get back in bed" and then hold the door if necessary to make the point that leaving the room is not an option and will not be tolerated.

I was not as strict with my son b/c he was different. But for my DD who will NOT fall asleep in a reasonable length of time for me (I really have NO patience for a 2 hour bedtime routine!) I had to be that firm and uncomprimising b/c SHE needs to fall asleep alone. There is no alternative. Lying with her for 2 hours is no more a reasonable option than standing on my head in the garden until she falls asleep.

So, having it like that in my head was helpful. She adjusted in no time. Kids are very flexible, IME. I made the mistake with my first of not having high enough expectations.

[jnet24]

The few times she did get up were the first few nights of the new routine, I just picked her back and put her back in bed and said good night.  I read stories right out side the door, and that really helps my kids.  After teh first story is over I turn on music on my laptop and play on the computer till they fall asleep.  I think seeing me really helps them stay calm, DS can't handle not knowing where i am and can't handle being alone or left. 

[Halfasianmomma]

Just wanted to thank all the mamas who posted on this thread. I used some of your suggestions last night to try to change our bedtime routine. It was a bit tricky because of the time change this week-end, so I went in expecting the first hour to be a write off. I prepared DD all day with the concept of the new routine: 2 stories of her choosing, 2 songs of her choosing, 2 times goodnight, 2 I love you's, and then mama goes away and DD goes to sleep.

She got up 5 times, and everytime, I intercepted her and brought her to bed, patiently telling her it was time for sleep, night night, I love you. By the 5th time, I told her if she got up again, I would be shutting the door, which she dreads. There were a few minor set backs, like turning on the little electric aquarium to babble at the fish, or playing with her toys. I had to come in and ask her if I had to take them away. After that, no more playing. I basically sat right outside the bedroom door, out of sight, with the door open. Every time she cried, or called me, I would stick my head back through the door frame, tell her it was time for sleep, I love you and goodnight. By 20h50 (which was really 19h50 due to the time change), she had stopped crying and was just whining, calling my mom to come for her.

After that, she was asleep by 21h05, so it took 15 minutes.

For our first night, I'd say it was a smashing sucess. I made very sure to congratulate and praise her this morning (especially because she never came to my bed during the night).

Hope tonight goes as well!