How do you decide to have (or not have) another?

[llwr]

Dh and I always said 2 maybe 3.   So now we have 2 and I don't know how to figure out what comes next.  After 2 was born I was surprised to find that I didn't feel done, didn't want it to be the last time.   Dh is fine with another, but it would really be my idea so I want to be sure where I stand with it.  #2 is 16 mos now, so I'm out of the PP hormones.  I'd still like to do it again, but when I seriously consider it, I find myself thinking about the costs.  Not financially, so much, but in time and chaos.  I mean, my first 2 children cause just as much complication to my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Having 2 was a given; the third seems so optional, so much more of a choice that I'm not sure how to approach it. 

[Scrapluvnmomma]

We are wondering the same but only for a second. I am horrible about deciding things, we've debated on and off, decided and then had work situations cause us to put it on hold. We are now at the it's now or never point. I love what we have with DD and worry about losing that, not having as much time for her, the finances of it. But, the thought of not having another saddens me, friends all around are having 2nd and 3rds and I find myself wanting that.
Interested to see how others reach their decisions if they just 'know.'

[MillieJane]

It might help to look at the long term. Think about your family sitting around the dinner table in five, ten years. What would "feel" right? Two or three kids? What about family vacations? Or think about when your grown children come home for the holidays. Sometimes its clearer when you look through the lens of tomorrow rather than the circumstances of today. The chaos of now certainly plays a part, but that will change. Maybe not lessen for a while, but change.

I know for myself, I want two children, or maybe even four(although, with only one now, four seems a little crazy) but not three. It's been my experience that there's more of a third-wheel dynamic in families with an odd number of members, whether there is three, five, or seven, etc. sharing a home. I'd prefer to avoid that, so it plays a role in my family planning. But, that's only my experience personally, and I know that many people would disagree with me. Then again I think of the joy another child would bring...well, I could always change my mind in the future, as I haven't even gotten to #2 yet. :)

You've got time to decide though, your little one is only 16mo. I'm sure that families with two or three children(or more!) could help you gain more perspective than I could.

[Peony]

I just knew for the first 3, I had to have #2 and #3 just as much as I had wanted #1. I had a hard time deciding when it came to #4. I already had 3, I am tired, insanely busy, while I kept thinking about a fourth, the urge wasn't as strong as it was for previous children. I probably could of gone on without having another but there was this part of me that felt in 5 years or so when I didn't have such small children, I would regret not having that last one. I really did not want to do this all over again in a few years. My biggest problem was DH wasn't really on board, he felt maxed out with the children we had. I had literally just decided that I did want one more but would give DH some time and work on addressing his concerns when I discovered I was pg. It had to of happened at a time that I never would of thought I was fertile, I didn't know I was pg for a while due to still having AF, and a few other things, needless to say apparently this child was supposed to be here!