do you follow all the co-sleeping "rules"? - Page 4

[CheriK]

Really?  No pillows or blankets?  Um, how are you supposed to sleep?  You might want to check out James McKenna's website (http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/guide.html) for guidelines from someone who actually researches infant/maternal sleep.

We removed really fluffy bedding (down comforter - all our babies were born in the winter - boo!) & kept pillows at our head height.  Baby slept next to my side for the most part, but all 3 at some times slept chest to chest with an adult.  We almost always had a baby btwn mom and dad (how not to, with twins).  We had dogs in the bed.  We had older children in the bed with our 3rd, but not right next to the baby.  No drug or alcohol use, so that wasn't an issue.  No obesity, so that wasn't an issue.  We dropped the mattress to the floor w/ the twins when DD scooted herself off the bed - oops!  W/ #3, we dropped the mattress right away.  It's slightly off the floor on a bedframe.  By the time they were a year old, we pretty much did whatever worked & didn't worry about "guidelines".

Key point - "guide".  It's a suggestion, not rigid rules.  What works in one family won't work in another.  Fox TV did an interview w/ James McKenna a few years back & the common factor in all the cosleeping deaths reported was formula feeding.  They all had other factors, but all the babies were formula fed.  So if you're not breastfeeding, then there might be more risk involved.

[moonfirefaery]

No, I don't, but that's because my kids are 5 and 3. They are used to sleeping in their bed together, on the couch, or with me with pillows in blankets and have been for a long time. I don't think they're at any risk of suffocating on them! We cosleep in a queen sized bed with a memory foam mattress topper and lots of blankets. Very comfy. :)

[heybabyquepaso]

Wait, he isn't supposed to sleep between us?? I didn't even know that was a rule until I started reading the replies in this thread! LOL.

We don't. We were always pretty intentional about making sure the blankets and pillows weren't next to his face, but we pretty much just plopped him in between us and even now- I just put him in his spot in the middle of our bed, LOL. Actually, now at almost 6 mos., he kind of snuggles with the comforter but I'm not as worried because I know he can turn and move it off his face. We don't have the bed against a wall or anything even. So I guess when he's old enough to roll off the bed, we'll have to be vigilant about preventing it or just be more aggressive about putting him in his own bed or something...

I worried about the rules when I read the No Cry Sleep Solution too (and pretty much every other co-sleeping literature). But things are going well and we all sleep great so I guess this works :) (heh. I guess I didn't even read the rules close enough to see that part about him being between us!)

[MsFortune]

I followed these rules to a T when my kids were in the SIDS age danger zone. The only rule I did not follow was the mattress on the floor one. At about 6 mos I relaxed a lot.

I swaddled or used sleep sacks on baby and did not use a blanket for myself - I used a zip from sweatshirt and blanket up to my waist.

[gozal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CheriK 

Really?  No pillows or blankets?  Um, how are you supposed to sleep?

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought! Frankly, I think the sanctioned "rules" about cosleeping/bedsharing (and they are disseminated as rules, not guidelines, by e.g. the AAP and other medical organizations) are intentionally designed to discourage cosleeping. Honestly, I don't know any adult who would be willing to regularly sleep without a pillow and blanket on a hard mattress. So advocating that as the only safe way to sleep is tantamount to saying "don't do it." (I also know many babies who aren't willing to sleep on a flat hard surface, like, say, DS and myself as a baby!) All the more so when you are required to ditch your bed frame and never roll over/change positions (because the baby must stay on the mother's side of the bed).

DS wouldn't sleep anywhere but touching me - not in a cosleeper, not in the snuggle nest, nothing doing. So I thought, well, what am I going to do, throw out our relatively new "pillow-top" mattress and replace it with a hard one that I have never liked? Lie there cold and uncomfortable all night? I thought about it, of course. I mean, here are the professionals telling you you are endangering your baby's life. But I had to do something in the meantime, because he would not sleep anywhere but on me and I was falling asleep holding him as it was, also not safe. Well, I tried it, he never moved from the crook of my arm and I was hyperaware of everything that was going on with him. I wore a warm shirt, put the blanket only up to my waist, made sure there were no dangerous gaps around the mattress, and didn't look back. I have been upset about the "rules" ever since. Especially after doing more reading more about this topic, such as the juvenile products' lobby to change the term "crib death" into SIDS - why? To mask the fact that cribs are, statistically speaking, still a riskier place for babies to sleep, than in beds with their mothers. (I think they can both be safe options, btw, whatever works for a given family.)

[Magali]

No rules here.  I am very aware of my dd during the night.  We sleep in a bed with her dad and 3 year old brother.  I am just aware of everything that goes on.  I follow common sense, not rules.  

[CheriK]

Actually, most medical organizations, like the AAP, say you should never sleep with your baby (actually, I think they say a baby should never sleep in an adult bed but in a crib or cosleeper).  So those "rules" aren't being publicized by medical organizations, nor by sleep researchers, but by folks trying to sell sleep books.  Again, I'd go to a source that is actually studying infant and maternal sleep, James McKenna, or API, for safe sleep guidelines.  Or, like so much in parenting, trust your gut and do what works for your family.

[gozal]

CheriK, you're right, the rules are nowhere on the AAP site. However, they do appear in all sorts of AAP-influenced media, like Parents magazine or here on the March of Dimes website, which I think is a pretty typical presentation. That's what I was thinking of, anyway. But you bring up a good point.

[tavamom]

Originally Posted by chewynotcrunchy 

So I just started reading the No Cry Sleep Solution and am wondering if there are other co-sleeping families who don't follow all the safety guidelines for co-sleeping she outlines?  For example: no blankets or pillows in bed, baby never between mom and dad, mattress on the floor or guard rails, don't co-sleep if you are obese, no pets, or others?  Of course making sure there are no gaps between the bed and the wall baby could get stuck in is very important, but no blankets or pillows just isn't feasible at my house.  I feel we are very safe co-sleepers, but we do "break the rules" quite often.  Are there other rebellious co-sleeping families out there or am I totally out of line? 

I coslept with two LOs.  I haven't ready the No Cry Sleep Solution, but those guidelines were not followed by us.  No blankets or pillows seems outrageous to me.  We had guard rails for one LO and they were more dangerous than any other options and we abandoned them.  Baby slept on either side of me at night with DS1, which meant sometimes between mom and dad.  I tried keeping DS2 on the outside so DH and I could have more snuggle time and this was horrible.  It hurt my back and hips and made it so my son also never slept on his other side, which is really bad for us both, IMO.  Our older child would climb into bed in the morning when DS2 was little, which would count as the "others" you mentioned, but he would never lie next to the baby.  So of all those "requirements," the only ones we followed are not being obese and making sure there were no gaps.  I don't see how people could actually sleep with all the other requirements.

[KateDavies45]

we don't. We've both got pillows, only one blanket though, I swaddle her (other wise she squirms and stretches so vigorously even while deeply asleep that she wakes us up). we're pretty sure DD also has moderate GERD (she wouldn't tolerate having the pH testing done so we're just going to treat it as gerd since it seems to be working) so she sleeps on her stomach on wedge when it's really bothering her. She generally sleeps on whatever side of the bed I'm facing and in the crook of my arm, be it between me and DH or not. As far as DH supposedly rolling over on her because he wouldn't be as "aware" as I am....LOL he's woken me up before saying that he was worried I was getting to close to her!

[mommy212]

We don't follow any of those rules either :) We have always had a blanket, usually a comforter but I don't feel bad about that because LO sleeps on top of it anyways; he can't stand being under the blanket and won't sleep with it. We have pillows. Our bed is on the frame now but for a while it was on the floor when DS first started crawling

[luckiest]

Other than DH sleeping on the couch after a few beers, we don't follow any. We have thin blankets, but it's TX and it's hot. Our mattress is on the floor, but only until we have the funds for a frame

I heard one time that breastfeeding mothers are more aware of their infants when sleeping than those that don't. The specific example was that bf'ing mothers very very rarely turn their backs to the baby while sleeping, while dads and bottle-feeding moms will. I know I never have woken up with my back to him. I've just always felt like I'm aware of where he is, in the sane way that I don't roll off the bed because I know where the edge is.

I love reading about all of you who have 2 in the bed! I keep wondering how it's going to play out when we have another.

[aHikaru]

Honestly, a e slept on my chest the first four months, thats the only way she would sleep, and when she wasn't sleeping  she was nursing every two hours. Now she is 2, 38" and 25lbs, and we still sleep in the same room.

[quantumleap]

I don't know anyone who cosleeps and actually follows those "rules". I always sort of skimmed over them and assumed they were there to cover the authors' butts. We use a down comforter, and pillows, no rails, and babe definitely sleeps between DH and I. Almost 4 month old DS even sleeps between 2year old DD and I quite frequently. I was a little anal about having both kids in bed with us for the first few weeks, but then reality set in! We do have a firm mattress, and it is on the floor, but that would be the case without children in it as well. We like a firm mattress and we're not spending money we don't have on a bed frame. :) Neither of us are obese, but I really don't see how that would make any sort of difference in terms of our sleeping decisions. 

We tend to sleep tummy to tummy, although there was a lot of babe on my chest for the first several weeks. Both kids also seem to sleep better on their bellies, so that's how we put them down. 

I agree with everyone else, you use your common sense and do what works for your life. It's interesting to see what everyone else does. 

[sweetpeppers]

Nope. I don't know who could sleep without a blanket. Does anyone actually follow that?? Or a pillow for that matter. My bed was on the floor, but not because of baby, just because I like it like that.

[moonfirefaery]

I remember being just hyper-aware of my babies when we were nursing and cosleeping for the first few months. I often woke up right before they started crying. My eyes would snap open and then literally a second later the crying would start before I'd even moved. This was especially true with Corbin. I used to sleep with Orin pressed up against my chest like a tiny teddy bear when he was a newborn. Two adults, two kids, two cats, and one dog piling into a king-sized bed with a crib sidecarred...and we never even came close to having an incident. Now it's one adult, two kids, and one dog in a queen. I sure miss that king... Even the sidecarred crib would be nice.

[teraze]

I wish I read these posts 5 months ago!  The "rules" we break every time are sleeping with blankets, pillows and on a pillow-top.  Although I don't really think the pillow-top's THAT great...I never get the sensation I'm sinking into it going aaahhhhhh...  Anyway, even though we sleep comfortably, I'm still very aware of where the pillows and blankets are although that's getting easier now that we side-lay most of the time to breastfeed.  (Before we were practiced in breastfeeding while laying down, I'd sit up at least three times a night and cradle hold my love.  So silly.)  :)

Also, when DS was a brand-new born we had one of those co-sleepers we put in the middle of the bed with bars and mesh.  My days-old babe would scutch over to me, lay on his side and place his tiny little hand against the mesh - it felt like he was in jail!  No thank you!  We never lasted the night using that and for months it's been holding my clean folded laundry.  At least it was a shower gift...  (And at least now I know!)

[Thing1Thing2]

We never used bed rails and I always slept with a pillow and blanket.

I took precautions when he was an infant like keeping my head below his on the bed and tucking the blankets in to the bottom of the mattress so I was sure they wouldnt be able to cover his head.

We dont sleep that much since my DS has reflux. So Im not sure we would ever fall into a deep sleep.

Never took drugs or alcohol or smoke. We did have a close call one time where I woke up and the blanket was on his head. He was making a big fuss about it thank God and I quickly removed them. That was when I started sleeping with my head below his to be extra careful.