Is it reasonable to express anger?

[widemouthedfrog]

I'm a mom of one daughter. I work P/T outside the home and P/T at home. I volunteer. I homeschool part time. And for the past 2 years (and actually for most of dd's life), my partner has worked 7 days a week and some evenings. This is going to change soon, thank goodness. I also have a chronic illness that actually makes me feel edgy sometimes, physically. Mostly I have learned how to control this.

Most of the time I am happy. Quite happy, actually. However, sometimes I get really frustrated, especially when I can't feel like I can meet everyone's needs at the same time. Like today: I had to do something in the morning, dh had to work, and dd wanted to play outside in the snow. I am always the fallback parent, so the rest of my life has to come second. So I yelled and used a swear word - not directed at anyone in particular, just a "auugggghhhh!" kind of moment. I have these moments about twice a week, then I feel better. I never hit anyone. Mostly I try to go to another room when I can cool off.

Dh does not want to have another child because he feels like my anger is scary. For the record, dd didn't sleep for 2 1/2 years, so I did get somewhat angrier at that time. That's ok, I'm learning how to deal with this. However, I don't feel like my level of anger and the expression of that anger is all that unreasonable. I don't cry (mostly), I yell twice a week, I don't swear at people, and I never hit people.

Dh never yells. He just gets sulky. However, I found that I was holding in a lot of frustration and that was making me feel physically sick. I am working on that through yoga and meditation, but I also feel that I need to let it out.

What do you think? Is it unreasonable to do what I do?

[RoamingWidgeteer]

However, I found that I was holding in a lot of frustration and that was making me feel physically sick. I am working on that through yoga and meditation, but I also feel that I need to let it out.

What do you think? Is it unreasonable to do what I do?

Its hard to bottle up that much emotion if there's no safe outlet, and while yelling isn't great, its better than exploding. I used to have problems with frustration and anger whenever I felt trapped. What really helps is cycling because it gives me space to think, removes current sources of irritation and lets me burn off energy, very rapidly if necessary. The endorphins also help :) 
 

[mumkimum]

Mainly just want to tag along for suggestions.  Stress levels have been creeping up and up the past year for me, and my anger too.  And OP - you really pinpoint what I find my biggest trigger (when I know I can't help meet everyone's needs at the same time - including mine).

I've often used music to deal with overwhelming emotions - so putting on some angry music and just letting myself feel angry through it helps but dropping everything to do that in the moment is hard to get done.  And I don't want to be raising my family while I feel this way - I really hate it.