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PAL (Pregnancy After Loss) Mamas November 2011 - Page 7

post #121 of 183

5xcharm--some women can't hear a heartbeat on doppler until 12 weeks, especially if baby's good at hiding or has an anterior placenta to hide behind--don't get discouraged if you don't hear anything at this next appointment, especially if you're only 9 weeks.


post #122 of 183

Ugh.  I'm trying not to stress.  I felt horrible on Tuesday (fatigue, nausea, etc) and woke up Wednesday feeling great.  No nausea, but my breasts were still sore.  I ate voraciously yesterday and then slept all day today (I work night shift).  I woke up feeling refreshed from a really good sleep but my breast tenderness/pain was gone...they still feel full.  Since I don't know what "normal" feels like, I can't help but to stress about a potential m/c.  I'm glad we have this forum to share our thoughts/anxieties, but this is so stressful.  I don't have another u/s until next Wednesday so I'm hoping my morning sickness comes back soon. 

post #123 of 183

I've been so nervous to post because I feel like I'll put too much hope in this pregnancy if I do, but it's time!  I've been trying for the past 12 months with one healthy DD (born 9/07) and one m/c in this past year (7/10 at 6 w).  I was just beginning to seek fertility help and had found out that I had a blocked tube by an HSG test the month before I got my positive test .  Anyhow, because I have that blocked tube I guess I am somewhat at risk for ectopic so my doctor had me come in for an early u/s at 5.4 wks to make sure the sac was in the right place and then at 6.4 wks to find a heartbeat, which seemed pretty okay for an early scan at 120. 


I am 8w1d which I would expect to be the height of my m/s. I had been really sick until a couple days ago.  Like you, baltimore, I am trying not to freak out but am pretty constantly worried about it.  I am hoping maybe Im just having a little symptom fluctuation or maybe less symptoms this time.  I still feel slightly queasy when I go without eating but nothing like I was feeling before.  Breast are slightly sore but that is never a big symptom for me since I had very little breast pain with DD.  I have gone up a bra size already though so they have majorly filled out even though they don't hurt much. 


Anyhow, that's my story.  I've been reading everyone's posts and I'm hoping for the best for all.

post #124 of 183

Thanks, artsmama.


Yes, I am still stressed and while I don't know how you are feeling, I can certainly empathize with it.  I have never had a viable pregnancy so I don't have anything to gauge what is "normal", although I know each pregnancy can be different even for the same woman.


I do wish sticky babies for all of us too!  This is such a nervewracking time - especially since I lost my last baby sometime after my 8 week u/s and when I found out at 10 weeks.  In that situation, I had no cramping or pain, no bleeding and nothing to indicate that I'd had a m/c.  Since I am carrying twins, I just wonder if the lack of nausea, etc. means that one of them passed and this is how I normally feel with one bean in there?  I suppose if I get really desperate I could have someone at work scan me, but I'm trying not to be a crazy alarmist for the next 8 months.  I wish serenity and peace for all of us as we trudge through the next couple of weeks into our second trimesters.

post #125 of 183

Moms losing nausea--it doesn't really mean ANYTHING. I had crippling nausea up to and slightly after my first miscarriage. I am so GLAD that mine is passing (though I spent the morning throwing up pure bile for 5 minutes straight because of a stuffed up nose draining onto my gag reflex and once it started, I couldn't stop). I had no morning sickness with my second DD and not until my second trimester with my first. Honestly, the nausea scared me because it was getting so similar to my Lost baby. I am sending sticky vibes to us all.Personally, my fear comes because I still don't feel my uterus :( I'm ten weeks, so it should be there and it's not... it's really upsetting!







post #126 of 183

Thanks Xakana.


You are totally right.  Everyone says nausea comes and goes, but in the case of us PAL mommas, the nausea, feeling the fundus, the boob tenderness (whatever your preferred pregnancy symptom is) might be the only thing that comforts us into believing that the pregnancy will stick.  I got so neurotic yesterday that I called my doctor's office to see if I could reschedule my u/s for sooner.  They didn't have any openings so I told them to keep the Wed. appt.  I ended up going to work for a coworker's baby shower and had one of the doctors quickly u/s me....we saw two heartbeats!  Pure bliss!  I'm feeling good today (and less neurotic) nausea or no nausea.  I just wish there was an indication as towhat a "normal" pregnancy feels like so that I wouldn't get so neurotic when symptoms wax and wane.


On the other hand, I am also concerned about "too many" u/s.  I know some women prefer not to get any, but it's comforting to me.  Do any of you out there plan not to get them b/c you've read they are dangerous?  Just curious what other PAL mommas are doing?  Thanks.

post #127 of 183

Basically, my rule of u/s is that if it can't be done externally, I will NOT do it. I lost a baby after the only first trimester u/s I ever had, so I won't do it again. However, after the first trimester, I don't really worry that much. I had 3 with Naomi (my first pregnancy after my losses). Between weeks 18-21. I hadn't had any prenatal care, but thanks to a PAL mama from here on MDC, I have a doppler and it was SUCH a relief to finally hear my baby's heart at 16 weeks, when I'd had little to reassure me, except some fleeting movements and 'popping' early, etc. I was actually worried I had twins, because I was SO popped and losing weight and I went to a crisis pregnancy center for a u/s to find out if I needed to adjust my diet, etc. for twins, but there was just one baby in there. Then I had one at the ER at 19 weeks, 4 days, to find out if I was in labor (which they told me would be too bad, becuase for the next 3 days, they wouldn't do anything to save the baby/stop labor) and I'd had increasing contractions for 5 hours (turned out I was dehydrated). Then when I FINALLY got my insurance sussed out at 20 weeks, I got an appointment with an OB and at 21 weeks, had my u/s.  It must have been wonderfully reassuring!




post #128 of 183

"I just wish there was an indication as towhat a "normal" pregnancy feels like so that I wouldn't get so neurotic when symptoms wax and wane."


Yeah, unfortunately, there's no such thing as a "normal" pregnancy! Not really ;) I even wrote a blog on it: http://musing-mommy.blogspot.com/2011/04/only-one-absolute-in-pregnancy.html

post #129 of 183

Hi Ladies,


I have been mostly lurking, though I have been keeping up with everyone's progress.  I'm glad to see mostly positive news so far!


Re: Morning sickness... Every experience seems to be different, both in healthy pregnancies compared to miscarriages and from one baby to the next.  That's very frustrating sometimes.  I want constant reassurance but it's not like I can get an ultrasound every day even if I wanted to.  I am finding some comfort in my morning sickness, even though it's starting to ease a bit at 8.5 weeks.  With my miscarriage the morning sickness stopped very abruptly at 6w6d.  I remember going to Target to buy ginger ale and saltines feeling like crap, but it had passed by the time I reached the check out, never to return again.  An ultrasound a couple of weeks later confirmed that we lost the baby right around then.  But I've heard it's also common to have an experience like xakana's.  I'm trying to go with the flow and not obsess.


I had my first appointment and ultrasound last week.  Everything looks good, baby measured exactly where I thought it should three different times.  We saw a heartbeat, though I was bummed that we couldn't hear or count it.  (A tech probably could have, but it was a quickie ultrasound done by the midwife for free.)  But the midwife said it looked perfect to her.  She was very reassuring and understanding, which was excellent since I am switching from my OB's office to a birth center and I had never met this midwife before.  I am REALLY looking forward to my next appointment at 12 weeks when we will probably hear the heartbeat on doppler and I'll be so close to the second trimester. 


I sometimes feel guilty that I can't get more into this pregnancy.  I want to appreciate every day that I have this baby inside me, but in trying to do so I was driving myself a little crazy.  It's been easier for me not to think about this baby too much, at least until my next appointment.  This PAL thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be!


Hoping for continued good news from all of you!


post #130 of 183

After slow HCG doubling times, I went in Friday for an US (should have been 8 weeks) and my worse fears were confirmed. My little bean had not only not grown, there was evidence of fetal disintegration and I was measuring smaller (5 weeks 6 days) than last time and of course no heartbeat. This will be my second loss in 4 months. I don't really know if I can take much more. Last time, I found out and the next day I started bleeding and I didn't have to take the cytotec or worry about d&c's. This time, I have a feeling if I let things go naturally, it could take awhile since I still have pregnancy sxs (sore boobs mostly). My body hasn't gotten the memo yet. She told me it would take up to 6 weeks to happen on it's own. I don't think I can walk around like this for 6 weeks. I will be getting the cytotec and doing it this weekend. Im almost 39 years old and I really want another child. This is heartbreaking and I just can't see a way out of this crummy feeling right now brokenheart.gif

post #131 of 183
So so sorry Marnica. FWIW, I had a positive experience with cytotec. Take care of yourself as you grieve for this baby. Two in a row is a lot to bear.
post #132 of 183
Thread Starter 

Oh Marnica I'm so sorry! hug2.gif My second loss was similar, and the waiting between confirmation at 7w6d and the miscarriage at 10w1d was excruciating but in the end I was personally glad to have had the time to process and work through some grief. If you're at all interested I'd be happy to share the many natural/herbal things I found to help move things along, just PM me. But I totally understand wanting to go the cytotec route too, I was just about there when it finally happened. Most people will miscarry naturally by 10-12 weeks, the body gets the message when the placenta should be taking over. So it could be a long wait, and believe me I know how painful that is.


I empathize deeply with that feeling you're describing, of not seeing a way out of your grief or being able to imagine feeling ok again. I remember saying exactly that in the midst of my hardest grieving. The hormone crash at this stage makes it a lot more difficult too. But I promise that it does eventually pass and you'll work your way through it and someday find yourself feeling like yourself again, just changed. Give yourself the time and space you need to feel it all and work through it all in your own way, and surround yourself as much as you can with only supportive understanding people. PM me anytime if you need someone to "talk" to. Here's a post I found really helpful: The Stages of Grief in Miscarriage

post #133 of 183

I heard my baby's heartbeat this morning with a doppler.  I am so excited.  I know my emotional battle isn't over but I feel really relieved right now.  I cried so hard when I heard it. 

post #134 of 183

Where did you guys get your dopplers? I've seen them on Ebay and I know there are rental places, but they say they need a Dr.'s permission or something similar.

post #135 of 183

  I bought mine from here http://www.semedicalsupply.com/Sonoline-B-Fetal-Doppler-with-LCD-View-2MHz-Probe-p/sonob.htm  it was cheaper when i bought it but it didn't come with the case like it does now.



post #136 of 183

I was super lucky to be given mine with a 'pay it forward' instruction. I'm part of a huge natural parenting community and I have an open-ended offer to loan out the doppler to anyone nearby who needs it and when I'm done having kids, I'll pass it on to another PAL mama.


post #137 of 183
Thread Starter 

Kami that's the same one I bought and I love it! I bought mine from ebay from a med supply company: http://stores.ebay.com/eastshoremedicalsupply

Mine was only $53 plus shipping, brand new and exactly as promised. Super fast shipping too!

post #138 of 183

 Megan~  Have you used it lately, what's the heart rate ranging from ?  I had it on setting 1 and it ranged from 125-135 but to me that seemed low, at one point i switched it to setting 2 and at one point it came up with 163.



post #139 of 183
Thread Starter 

Kami I have and it's ranged from 150-180, usually around the 170s, but yours is well within the range of normal too, so don't worry! Is it possible you're farther along than you think? the HR starts to slow back down to 120-130 around the end of the first tri....I only really use setting 1 for now, as long as the HB is so squirmy to find!


Tank joy.gif so happy for you! It is a huge relief...yay for one more milestone crossed!

post #140 of 183

Megan~ I don't think i'm farther along than i think, since both ultrasounds i've had baby only measured 1-2 days ahead at each one, which wasn't that far off from how far along i was at the time.

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