Would you and your kids live with a smoker (who doesn't smoke in the house) for a year to save...

[Amila]

We are building a house, and have the option of living with my dad for a year, or renting an apt.  My dad is a chain smoker, and smoked around me and my sis our entire lives (ick) but he agreed to not smoke in the house while we were living there. I still hate having my babies exposed in any way, but we would be saving like $18,000. I guess its a concern of "third hand" smoke. WWYD?

[eclipse]

Well, my dh smokes. As much as I hate it and want him to stop, he's a grown up who gets to make his own decisions. He only smokes outside. So, I guess I would, because I do!

[leighi123]

No, I wouldnt expose my ds or myself to that, even third hand.  Especially if someone smoked in the house before us living there.  

[Amila]

Well, he is actually building a house next to us, but his is going to be built first, so it would be a brand new, smoke free house, if that means anything.

[Three~Little~Birds]

I would.

[MamieCole]

I wouldn't do it, unless my only other option was being homeless.

Granted, I think cigarette smoke is the worst smell on Earth and I am super sensitive to it. 

It's great that he agreed to smoke outside only, but if he is a chain smoker, the house and all the stuff in it is already coated in tar/nicotine residue and stink. Plus when he comes in, he will stink of smoke. 

I just couldn't do it. I would be too grossed out and wouldn't want to risk the exposure to my kids. 

But that's me. I certainly wouldn't judge you for doing it. $18,000 is a lot of money. 

ETA: Just saw your second post. I still couldn't do it, but it helps that it's a never been smoked in house. 

[Amila]

It IS, and we desperately need it so we can pay down some of our debt...ugh. I know its a "drop in the bucket" compared to what I dealt with as a child (long car rides with my dad smoking with the windows shut, constant smoking in the house all the years growing up, but still. Its not ok, and I don't want my kids exposed at ALL, but its a hard situation.  I certainly would never allow smoking around them ever, but this is a little different, right?

[ElaynesMom]

Yes, I would. 18000 is a lot of money, especially if it would help pay off debt. It's not ideal, but it is just for 1 year and he will be smoking outside. I may be biased however as my dh is on his third month smoke free, and obviously me and my dd lived with him while he was smoking (only outside) prior to those three months.

[fruitfulmomma]

A new house, yes, as long as he does only smoke outside. Otherwise, not unless my only other option was a cardboard box. I quit 14 years ago and am so far removed it now that even walking into mil's home makes me ill. I was in her vehicle today and the lingering stuff was making my face itch.

[TiredX2]

If I were going to be homeless or another living situation I felt would be even more dangerous than the smoke/chemicals/toxin exposure then I would live with a smoker.

Otherwise, no way.  I would just want to avoid the possibly permanent damage to growing lungs that would happen.  Additionally, I would be really afraid my relationship with the smoker would suffer (in the summer, is the place air conditioned--- would the smoke be coming in the window; in the winter is he going to be happy going outside all the time to smoke; would you be putting your coats in the same closets; would he be touching your children after smoking/having smoke in his hair/on his clothes).

Not worth it for me!

[LynnS6]

Given that it's a new house, and so the house won't be covered in leftover smoke, I'd consider it. If it were an old house, never. Really, for a heavy smoker, you have to rip out the carpet, replace the furniture and scrub down the walls to get rid of the smoke.

I'd want to make sure that all the furniture was cleaned and that there were new drapes/window treatments, and new carpets. I'd make sure that my dad had a place to put his cigarette butts so that they didn't become a hazard to his grandkids. And then, if you're 100% certain that he'd never smoke in the house, even when you're not there, I'd probably do it.

[EviesMom]

Given the situation you've outlined, I think I would do it. It's definitely going to be on clothing, but with a new house and freshly cleaned furniture, etc. I think it would be fine.

Especially since you're building houses next door to one another, I presume that your kids will continue to visit him after both houses are done, and he'll probably go back to smoking indoors once you're not living there; or else he'll still come visit at your house, wearing clothes he's smoked in, so they'll have a low level of daily exposure long term anyway. 

[dayiscoming2006]

I've done it. I only lived with my parents for a total of a month with my kids but they are very regular smokers and have smoked in the house whenever we weren't visiting. They go outside when we visit which I actually really appreciate as it is their house, but at the same time, I told them we couldn't handle it and wouldn't want our kids around them while they are smoking (at least inside.) And they get it.

They know they were wrong to smoke around us too but that was a choice they made. I still have breathing issues that I think are definitely related to the second hand smoke. But, what you are describing doesn't sound all that bad. You won't live with him forever and $18,000 is a lot of money! 

Your kids should be fine. 

[DahliaRW]

I would insist your dad have a "smoking jacket" he put on over his clothes when smoking, that stays outside as well.  That will help with him bringing back the odor and chemicals into the house.

[Boot]

It really depends on the relationship with your dad. If you feel that he will be fine with going outside and won't pull a guilt trip and won't mind taking off his jacket and washing his hands and face when he comes in then I would do it. My DH smoked until recently (outside). I made him keep his jacket outside and wash his hands and face when he came in but you could still smell it a little. Not enough to make me worry about the kids though. My main concern would be that an older chain smoker would be so entrenched in his ways that he would find it really hard to adjust to your expectations and it might cause friction. 

[new2this]

I would but currently do DH smokes and I used to. And I am not all that concerned over third hand smoke. I think there are worse things out there. Which I know a lot of people are concerned with it. I'm just not. 

[dayiscoming2006]

Nice thought, but I doubt any average guy or gal would be willing to go to all that trouble. I agree with the pp who said third hand smoke isn't the worst thing in the world. And, the situation won't last forever. If she was paying to stay with him, then maybe she'd be able to convince him to go to greater lengths (still doubt it) but since living there is probably pretty much free, OP should be happy that he goes outside to smoke. 

Even more unlikely is her dad going to the trouble of washing his hands and face or whatever after smoking like a PP mentioned. 

Originally Posted by DahliaRW 

I would insist your dad have a "smoking jacket" he put on over his clothes when smoking, that stays outside as well.  That will help with him bringing back the odor and chemicals into the house.

[nononose]

I would assume that since you are building houses next to each other, your children and yourself are going to spend a great deal of time with him anyway; in his house or not.  It would bother me, but I would certainly do it.  I just hope he does live up to his end of the bargain of not smoking inside - if he truly is a chain smoker, that will be quite the adjustment.  I was a smoker before getting pregnant, and I'm aware of how easy it is to justify lighting up "just once", and how smokers really aren't aware of just how evident the smell is.  The excuses that run through the head of a smoker - I still can't believe how affected I was.  And just how obvious it was after I quit!  I do believe that an otherwise healthy lifestyle will help offset the temporary bad effects.  And yes, make sure he has a special place to put all the butts!  It might even improve things - he might get used to not smoking inside (and realize how much easier the house is to clean!!) and make that his new norm.  Good luck!

[HeatherAtHome]

Yes I would, especially with the info given in your second post. 

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by eclipse 

Well, my dh smokes. As much as I hate it and want him to stop, he's a grown up who gets to make his own decisions. He only smokes outside. So, I guess I would, because I do!

Ditto.