Would you and your kids live with a smoker (who doesn't smoke in the house) for a year to save... - Page 2

[Medic2Midwife]

Houses can be cleaned and if you need to save the cash it's a great chance to do that. If you're willing to run the washing machine on everything, buy a costco size bottle of febreze and possibly wash the walls as well as steam clean the floors, the concerns of secondary exposure from the house will be eliminated. I move about every 3 years and someone I never knew is always in the house I move into before me, we had smokers that lived in my most current home before us... and it only took a good scrub and a day or two of open windows and lots of candles to get the smell out.

[elus0814]

I would. I grew up with a smoker, same as you with it in the car and the windows just barely cracked or closed. I might consider asking he wear a 'smoking jacket' but would never insist. Just about anywhere you could live might have has a former resident who was a smoker. Since it's a new house and he's not smoking inside I wouldn't worry about it although I would try to open windows when possible.

[Sharon, RN]

My dh is a smoker, but usually only like 1 cigarette a day- and some days (like today) no cigs.  So, a very light smoker.  So, I would consider it.  However:

Make sure everyone has an agreement on what "going outside all the time" means.  Because even my totally not chain-smoking husband has tried to sneak cigarettes in the powder room, like I wouldn't notice.  Or if it's raining, he'll smoke in the garage which I consider STILL inside.  So, he may say he'll always go outside... unless the kids are asleep, then he may think it's ok to light up in the living room... or if it's raining he'll stand at the door with the door open... I'm not saying he'll do these things, I'm just saying you guys need to agree to what the boundaries are.  As in, inside the living areas is never ok, but the garage is fine.  (The garage is fine for most people, but at least in our garage, the smoke filters inside the house and the door to the garage is right by the living room. Ick.)

I also grew up with smokers, and my siblings and are were always sick, I had chronic ear infections and have now lost most of my hearing (I have a new hearing implant, a BAHA, which is nice, but I can't even work anymore) so not exposing my kids to lots of smoke is a major issue for me. In fact, talking to my ENT today, I found out I have to have 2 more surgeries, even after the two I've already had! Could this have happened anyway? Sure. But did growing up with chain smokers help? Absolutely not.

But, smokers are people, too, and it's an addiction as well as a relaxation technique and a social outlet for many people.  If I lived with a smoker (and, I do) I don't want to make him feel like a horrible person for doing this activity he chose to do.  Do I still beg him to quit?  Sure.  But, I'll take 5 cigarettes a week, outside (or, at the door to the garage with the garage door open), if it helps my dh overall mood.  

I think it's doable, and a great way to save $, but come to an agreement on boundaries that everyone can live with.  That way, you can protect your children and your father can still make his own choices.

[just_lily]

In a new house, as long as you are confident your dad really will smoke outside and you generally have a good relationship with him, then yes, I would. 

I would have a harder time moving into a home he had been smoking in for a long time, but a new home would be fine.  My inlaws smoke, but have never smoked in their house since they built it 7 years ago.  Honestly, if I didn't know they were smokers I would have no idea based on their house.  There is no smell.  If we ever needed to move in with them for some reason, I wouldn't give a second thought to their outdoor smoking. 

[StephandOwen]

Nope, never. My childs health and life aren't worth the savings.

[Eclipsepearl]

I wouldn't do anything that put my child's life and health in danger but I don't think this is. Second hand smoke is deadly but the smoke wouldn't be in the house. The tiny amount he'd bring in wouldn't really be an issue and it would be for a limited time, not their whole childhood.

If it's a new home and he goes outside, that should keep the exposure to a minimum. 

I originally married a smoker. When we had kids, he would go outside (we bought an apartment with a big balcony partly for this reason) and he would change his T-shirt in summer and had a "smoking" jacket in winter. 

Eventually, the restrictions made him smoke less and less and when he saw how the kids disapproved, that prompted him to quit. Often ex-smokers will cite some sort of shake-up to their routine as a prompt to quit. Of course, it was a classic case of being careful with what you wish for. He's now a militant anti-smoker. 

Save the money and don't feel guilty! 

[HikeMama]

I definitely would and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either. Ask your dad to smoke a few yards away from the doors and take measures not to smell it on him when he comes in. I like the smoking jacket idea. I don't think it will negatively effect their health more than a negligible amount, but parents stressing over debt in the long run could totally effect all of you negatively.

[choli]

Originally Posted by Medic2Midwife 

Houses can be cleaned and if you need to save the cash it's a great chance to do that. If you're willing to run the washing machine on everything, buy a costco size bottle of febreze and possibly wash the walls as well as steam clean the floors, the concerns of secondary exposure from the house will be eliminated. I move about every 3 years and someone I never knew is always in the house I move into before me, we had smokers that lived in my most current home before us... and it only took a good scrub and a day or two of open windows and lots of candles to get the smell out.

 Am I the only one who would find the Febreze more problematic than the smoke?

[HikeMama]

oh yeah, definitely don't Febreeze. Not good for the lungs. You can clean with some vinegar and water with essential oil in it to make it smell good. For carpets or upholstery you can use baking soda and again, essential oil if you want it scented. I don't do scents much.

[bobandjess99]

I would, as long as the agreement was satisfactory in terms of what "outside" means, etc.  BUT..be sure you actually SAVE the money you will supposed to be saving.  I know that it becomes easy to simply raise your standard of living i.e., buy more stuff, toys, games, eat out more, etc, instead of making sure to use that money you are saving to ACTUALLY pay down the debt.  :)

[Sol_y_Paz]

If the person was someone I really loved and wanted to live with and I knew they would stay outside probably so.  

[Ella Enchanted]

Considering it'll be a brand new, smoke-free house, and he will smoke outside, then yes.  

[D_McG]

You couldn't pay me enough money to live with either of my parents for a year I love my parents but trying to be a parent under their roof just sounds like a nightmare to me.

But if your relationship with him is not an issue then I would do it for sure.

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

You couldn't pay me enough money to live with either of my parents for a year I love my parents but trying to be a parent under their roof just sounds like a nightmare to me.

But if your relationship with him is not an issue then I would do it for sure.

That's true too. I lived with my in-laws for 3 months and that SUCKED (FIL is awful and for some reason he doesn't like me though I haven't done anything to provoke him.) And I have lived with my parents a couple of times for a bit and that also SUCKED. But, yeah, it does depend on your relationship. One issue for me with my parents was that my dad couldn't stand all the extra clutter we brought into their home with our clothes and baby stuff, etc. (Mom didn't seem to care.) My dad was going crazy as he likes things somewhat organized. So, we cut our stay with them short and got an apartment. Anyway, I prefer to only see my parents occasionally. I'm probably alright if I only get to talk to them on the phone, if I'm honest. We just don't have that much in common.

[Lisa1970]

Only if homelessness was the only other choice.