"I don't want a baby sister!"

[LiLStar]

"And I don't want another baby brother, either"... thats what I've been hearing around here the last several weeks from 4yo dd. She used to talk about her hypothetical baby sister all the time. Finding outgrown clothes of hers, "this can be for my baby sister" in the store if she sees baby items she likes, "can we get that for my baby sister?" She seems to have had a change of heart, however. I try to engage her in a conversation, see if she'll elaborate, with open ended questions, "can you tell me more about that?" "What do you think it would be like if there was a new baby in the house?" But she just sort of says "I don't know"  I've tried being empathetic, guessing, "it would be really hard if I had to spend so much time taking care of a baby and couldn't spend as much time with you" and "What do you think would make it easier if we did have a baby?" Because its always been in the plan that eventually there'd be more. I've tried seeing if I could open her mind up to it a bit. I can't seem to get her to elaborate though. 

so we've technically been TTA for a couple more months but we messed up :) I'm still in denial, I want to see another brand concur before I get too excited. I'll wait to tell her as long as I can get away with it.. but what am I going to tell her? How can I help her be okay with this? On one hand it seems like there may be a benefit to her already showing some..er..dislike for her hypothetical sibling. It seems the usual trend is being excited about a baby until "reality sets in" that they're loud mommy-hogs :) I guess she's remembering River's infancy (and still experiencing some of the more unpleasant toddler behaviors, the kid will attack her for no reason!) and thinking maybe she's not interested in a repeat?

Any advice how to prepare her? Oh another interesting thing is, she is VERY interested in pregnancy/birth/reproduction. Which I confess to being something I nurture in her.. :) She gets excited about seeing pregnant bellies, LOOOVES the book "Its Not The Stork" and begs me to watch The Business Of Being Born all the time. She'll flip through birth books I have sitting around and look at the diagrams and photos in fascination. 

[Peony]

My 4y also isn't too thrilled to get another sibling, like your 4y, she has a younger one (and an older one) so she looks at toddler DS and is like "why the heck would I want another one of these things."I am pg as well, I told the kids at 12 weeks because I was showing and it was a matter of days before someone asked me about it, with DD1 being older, she'd know what they were talking about. DD2 wasn't thrilled, we talk about it once in a while, just little things like where the baby will sit in the car, but mostly I am letting it settle. She seems to be getting more comfortable with the idea, I am 17 weeks now. 

[puddle]

Originally Posted by LiLStar 
How can I help her be okay with this?

Don't try to make her be okay with it.  Just let her know it's okay to feel whatever she feels.  "You really don't want another baby brother or sister.  You wish it could stay just the four of us."  She may be excited by the time the baby comes.  She may not want anything to do with the baby for awhile.  Just let her work through her feelings however she needs to.

My 3.5 year old DD was apprehensive about her soon-to-be-born little brother for awhile.  One thing that really seemed to help her was when I told her a (true) story about how when I was pregnant with her, I was really scared because I was so happy with it being just me and her Daddy, and I was afraid of how things would change.  But then when she was born, I was so happy to have her here and I loved her so much.  Her face sort of lit up and she's asked me to tell her that story a hundred times, and she started telling me how she was afraid for things to change when her brother came.  Giving her words to express how she felt made her feel so much better, and now more often than not she's excited about her brother. 

Also--congratulations!! 

[LiLStar]

Awww thats really sweet! I'm sure she'll come around.. I'm just scared of the impending increase of "but i DONT WANT  a baby sister/brother!!" i bet involving her in prenatals will help. lettin her be the midwife assistant.