Anyone else with NO involvement at all from your child's bio dad?

[samy23]

I would like to see if any other single moms on here have no contact with their child's biological father? I feel like the only one. In some ways it makes things much easier im sure, but in other ways it's difficult. Has its own set of issues basically, and it would be nice to chat to someone else in this situation. Anyone?

[Kwan*Yin]

I don't. I see him around town but we rarely talk or even acknowlege each other. I just don't care anymore that he isn't involved. Instead of looking to him for support I just look elsewhere. My friends help with babysitting and my therapist helps with the emotional. I have to fill the financial void by working even harder but at least I don't have to deal with alot of the intense co-parenting struggles I know that could happen with him. What kind of support are you looking for?

[Halfasianmomma]

My XH hasn't seen my DD since May of last year. I surmise that he will eventually fade out of the picture completely (he still sends harassing emails once in a while), especially once his current girlfriend gets pregnant. 

I organize my life according to his absence, and I prefer it this way. Granted, when he was involved, he saw DD one night a week for a few hours and one Sunday afternoon for a few hours. Those times required me to travel to his house, drop off DD with all supplies needed, such as diapers, wipes, change of clothing, food,...then wait for him to have his time with her and then pick her up again. It was quite labour intensive. He never once volunteered to come pick her up himself.

So, in a very real way, it's a lot easier for me to just parent DD myself. Also, we currently live with my parents so I have some excellent family support. I sometimes find it hard to get things done, like studying, or get some time to do my own activities, but I try to remind myself that DD won't be a toddler forever and that soon enough *I'll* be the one running after her for some quality time.

[leighi123]

We havent seen nor heard from my ex sense ds was 15months old (he is 3.5 now).  I dont even know if he knows we are divorced!  I have full custody and didnt ask for child support (no way he would pay it and I dont want to chase him for it).  To me, it seems a lot easier not to have to deal with him.  I'm lucky because I have family that helps me a lot. 

[Everrgreen]

My ex isn't quite as 'gone' as all of yours.  I didn't see him from August - January (although I did get emails from him), he came to see ds twice in January and I haven't seen him (or heard from him) in almost a month.  It makes me sad for my ds.  I wish that he had an involved father.  And I feel like it puts a lot of pressure on me to 'make up for it'.  Plus it is exhausting to not have at least eow off (although I am starting to send ds to my moms for overnights so I can have a break). 

[zebra15]

DS is 10 and his father has been 'unavailable' for the better part of 5 years.  He still has 5 plus years left on his prison sentence.  I used to allow phone calls but those became too upsetting for DS and DS would beg for visits, visits at the state hopsital (where mr wonderful is serving his sentence) became too upsetting for both of us, after the holidays I stopped all communication, phone calls, letters etc.

Trust me, its so much better this way.  When I would allow the visits we had to schedule them a month in advance, they were for an hour, it just wasn't worth it. 

No contact has allowed us to live stress free for the past few months in this area and I've seen a notable change in DS.  I don't myself allowing visits or contact anytime soon. 

If I can get myself together I would love to leave this state and relocate somewhere far from here and start over.

[MamitaM]

The father of my baby contacted me once (in the middle of the night) to ask if the baby had been born and then got made b/c I hadn't told him, we talked the next day and he pretty much threatened to kidnap my son so I changed my number and stopped all contact with him. He doesn't even know if the baby is a boy or his name or anything. I'm totally ok with this. I know being a single mama will be hard at times and there will be difficult questions from my son later on, but it's better this way. I don't have any family support at all so I made a huge effort to have a good circle of friends who will help me when I need help.

[elsie123]

We don't have zero contact with ds's bio father, but it's pretty close to zero.

he lives 800 miles away.  I have 100% custody, and his visitation, if he took it, is supervised only.  He hasn't seen ds since 2008, and that was cos I took ds to see his grandparents for 5 days, and he happened to be around.

He calls 2 times a year, maybe.  5 minute phone calls tops.  And those calls are in December and January- xmas and ds's birthday.  So the other 10 months of the year, nothing.

Every couple years, he'll tell ds that he is going to start calling every week.  It never happens.  

I really don't even think about him.

[happysmileylady]

My oldest is 15 and her biodad  is non existant.  I really don't even like to call him that because he simply isn't there.  I receive child support for her, that's it.  When she was born, my mom called him and he did show up at the hospital to see her.  With another girl.  Who he later married.  Then, when she was two, he decided he wanted to meet her and in the spirit of never giving him the opportunity to say I kept her from him, I agreed, we met up, he played with her for a bit, his parents met her, it was really awkward, the end.  Nothing since.

For the most part, it's been a non issue.  When I got married, she decided to call DH Dad.  And, he is Dad.  As she has grown, she's had questions, I have answered them to the best of my ability.  As a teen girl, her more emotional times of the month can result in her crying that she wants to meet him, or crying that she wants DH to adopt her (which is what we want, but cost is a factor, a BIG one.)  But, for the most part, DH is Dad, and she just happens to have a different last name, just like so many other kids nowadays.

[zacharysmom]

my DS had seen his bio maybe 6 times since he was 11 wks old. i am now engaged to a wonderful loving caring guy who my son has chosen to call dad of his own free will ( he is almost 15) i look forward to the day we get married and become a family in name as we are family in every other way now. it makes my heart so happy to hear my son say DAD and know the man who is called dad is DAD
we will allow visit if at anytime we are asked but they will always be supervised.

[betmina]

No involvement for 4 years, the reason?? He never knew I got pregnant, much less about DD's existance and now he found out about DD and wants contact. Do I want to?? Hell no I'm I stopping him? No, I cant.

I made a thread about it in personal growth.

[frugalmama]

dd is 4.5, her donordad has never seen her or even asked.. The hardest part is financially - I don't get Child Support so finances are tight.

[MamitaM]

Originally Posted by frugalmama 

dd is 4.5, her donordad has never seen her or even asked.. The hardest part is financially - I don't get Child Support so finances are tight.

So he was a nice man who donated sperm to you so you could make a baby? That's what a donordad is.

[frugalmama]

Originally Posted by MamitaM 

Originally Posted by frugalmama 

dd is 4.5, her donordad has never seen her or even asked.. The hardest part is financially - I don't get Child Support so finances are tight.

So he was a nice man who donated sperm to you so you could make a baby? That's what a donordad is.

Basically yes.

[Graceie]

I haven't seen ds dad sense he was conceived we exchanged one email sense when o was still pregnant I like it and really love being a single mom in fact trying for number two with a " planed donor "

[reddeermomma]

Ahh, my Daughters "sperm donor" left me the day I found out I was pregnant in Jan 2002, we spoke again breifly in Feb 2002 where I told him I wasn't going to have an abortion, which he'd asked me to do, and since that day, I have never seen or heard from him again.

It was worse that he "wasn't going to be there" while I was pregnant, but after I had her, life was just fine.

I've been a single mom, with no financial support, no major family support, and no biodad support for 8 years, and we're happy as pie. Its a struggle now and then, but when we make it through the hard times, we just smile together knowing yet again, we've made it.

[darcytrue]

They see their dad but not like I think they should. But then again when he WAS here he rarely paid attention to them and sat in his office working. Now they go see him and his girlfriend watches all of them while he still sits in his office. He thinks eating dinner with them while they are there is enough.  :( He will regret it one day. I don't sweat it because I know that it will come back to him.