Hmmm... ok, let's see... I'll try brainstorming a few ideas and you can see if any might be useful. ;)
- have you tried starting the routine earlier? If he's already very tired/overtired then you have less chance of a successful (ie easy!) bedtime routine. Any time after dinner (ie. when he won't be eating any more food that day) that he seems in a good mood take the opportunity to get him in his pjs and brush teeth.
- make a bedtime routine chart. Draw pictures of all the steps of the bedtime routine in the order that they should occur. Have him help (sit with you while you do it, help you "figure out" what all the steps are, maybe colour some of the pictures, etc). At bedtime ask him "what's next?", get him involved, help him feel a sense of accomplishment when he "directs" what to do next.
- try using "Playful Parenting" techniques. Get silly, use songs, make the things you need to do into games.
- Consider cutting the routine down to a bare minimum. Eliminate as many power struggles as you can. Try doing bath at a different time of the day. Let him go to sleep in whatever he was wearing. Or whatever works for you. The thought is to "choose your battles". If tooth brushing and having a night-time dipe on him are non-negotiable, but the other stuff isn't life-or-death, then for the time being make those your two "battles" and let the other stuff go. Try, for a while, to not even suggest the other stuff. For now make the goal to have bedtime as peaceful/struggle-free as you can, and then build from that to add the other stuff back into the routine.
Re. computer melt-downs
- this was a huge problem in our house as well with both kids, but especially ds (when he was around your ds's age). What worked *for us* was to go screen-free. The first couple of days were hellish, but after that he turned into a generally much happier kid who was able to amuse himself for surprisingly long periods of time. I was, quite frankly, amazed at what a positive difference this made in ds's behaviour. No judgment here about screen time (my kids have definitely had their fair share!), just sharing how going screen-free made life a lot better around here.
Re. getting enough rest
- you've already thought of trying to get more exercise, which would be one of my first suggestions. Are there any indoor play-places or gyms where you could take him to run around? Could one of you take him for swimming lessons or for free-swim time on the weekends?
- if he doesn't get enough "down time" (or nap time) during the day, have you tried putting him in a stroller (babe on your back, or use a double stroller) and going for a long walk? He'd get fresh air, time to relax, and maybe would fall asleep.
- what's your nighttime set-up? Are you all in the family bed? Maybe a different configuration (my first thought was dh with ds in one bed, you with baby in another bed) would work better?
- Does he wake easily at night? Is the room in which he sleeps dark enough? Have you tried using a white-noise machine?
Ok, there are my thoughts for now (I really better get off the comp and get started on my work!). I hope there's something in there that might help.
FWIW so far what you've described sounds pretty normal not-quite-3 (with a new sibling to boot) to me. Nothing you've mentioned raises any red flags or anything.