Is it possible to give yourself a makeover? Any success stories?

[texmati]

I am so tired of there being such a huge gap between who I am and who I want to be.

I wrote  a list of things that I want to change about myself.... and it was long, and still not completed. Just a sampling... but I want to be thinner, go out more, run errands, make friends outside of my family, have more energy, be (physically) stronger, more organized, wear make up... etc.

Not fundemental personality changes... This is who I was circa 2003 (well, I could never keep the house clean).  I seem to have lost myself when I came into adulthood, and have been increasingly frustrated with who I am. I describe myself as 'low funcitoning."  I feel that I"m just coasting by using a minimum of my potential resources. Do you feel it is possible to change this? Or is it just the same list that everyone has, but never can seem to get to.

[insidevoice]

I think it is really easy to lose ourselves to being employees, partners, and parents.  It takes a while to get comfortable enough in those roles to add in other interests and experiences.

For me, I can't really think about much beyond the immediate until the youngest child is about two.  And that is only when I am able to be home or work part time.  If I am working full time, I simply can't find the energy to do it all, and I have to prioritize.

This is a path I am working on as well- it's hard when we see that we have become a shadow of the person we once were- or at least when we feel as though we are the shadow. 

[doubledutch]

yes, i think it's possible to come back out of a rut, which is more what this sounds like.  but do you really have a toddler and newborn on your hands right now?  i think it's likely that the best way to get back to yourself and doing the things that make you feel good would be by giving more to yourself, rather than expecting more from yourself.  what do you need in order to have the energy to do all those things?  (including "have more energy" lol . . .)  do you need more rest?  do you need time for a daily walk?  do you need a babysitter?  do you need a supplement you're not currently taking, or some other nutritional adjustment?  something like a yoga class might help you hit multiple goals in one (getting out of the house, meeting people, strength, energy).  i totally relate to wanting to change everything all at once, but in my experience, demanding that of myself didn't work very well.

the make-up thing though?  i totally get that.  if i even have five minutes to slap on some tinted moisturizer and mascara, i'm like, ready to face the world.  (and conversely, when i feel like i look bad, i silently pray i won't run into anyone while running errands.)  it's a good, quick, cheap pick-me-up.  i would go for that asap, lol.

i guess the gist of my advice is to be gentle with yourself and get some support with these goals - don't expect that you have to do everything for yourself.

[Vaske]

I noticed (before I had children) that I tend to go through a four or five year cycle of gradually sliding into a rut, and then pulling myself out of it. Since I'm now in the season of having children, I am giving myself more slack and just making improvements as I have the time and energy. Kind of coasting along until I'm done caring for young children.

[Linda on the move]

You can change anything about yourself that you want to change.

At one point, I was morbidly obese and got winded walking up a flight of stairs. I'm now healthy and fit and a yoga teacher!

There are lots of books that can walk you through some else's way to make changes, or you can just make up your own.  My advice if you want to make up your own way is to create a journal (just a spiral notebook or a word file could work) and start by making a list of what you want to change.  Then break it down into little steps and into habits you want to build. Figure out little new things you could do each week to start moving in the direction that you want to go.

I find journaling VERY powerful. For example, with your list, you could start by journaling about WHY you want those things. 

I want to be thinner,  because:

1.

2.

3.

4.

go out more, because

1.

2.

3.

4.

 (BTW, where do you want to go? Who do you want to go with?)

Getting more clear about why you want and why you want it helps move you closer to your dream life.  I have a sign on my refrig. that says "I am now ready to learn how to create the kind of life I really want."

[asraidevin]

Making concrete goals helps.

More is very subjective, as is thin.

Instead say:
I want to lose 15 pounds

or better goal is:

I want to work out 30 minutes a day 3 times a week.
I want to go to 3 play groups a month, I will talk to three different people at each event and get one phone number.
I want to make Thursday afternoon my errand day.

[texmati]

Thank you so much for your replies. I know it takes time to post, and I definitely appreciate the advice and encouragement.

Just to clear up... I"m not trying to be a superwoman. I was very depressed emotionally at the beginning of my marriage, and then became pregnant; had a c-section, and became very weak physically. I got pregnant again shortly after that, and ended the pregnancy barely able to walk, much less run around with my son! I have been basically non-funtional for so many years (about 5), physically, socially, and in some ways emotionally. 

Now that I've had baby #2 (vbac!), I feel for the first time in *years*, hopefull that I might be able to bounce back into my former self. I'm excited about the possibilty of running, or dancing or having a social life... basically the possibilty of being someone I can be proud of.

InsideVoice, I hear what you are saying about loosing yourself-- I somehow feel I have gone one step farther; loosing myself to the extent where I am doing the bare minimum as parent, partner and employee. It is so hard and frustrating too!  I'm seriously considering sahming or going part time. A big part of it is that I think i could 'rehab' myself better outside of what has become a stressful, unrewarding job (my fault, no one elses).

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

I think it is really easy to lose ourselves to being employees, partners, and parents.  It takes a while to get comfortable enough in those roles to add in other interests and experiences.

For me, I can't really think about much beyond the immediate until the youngest child is about two.  And that is only when I am able to be home or work part time.  If I am working full time, I simply can't find the energy to do it all, and I have to prioritize.

This is a path I am working on as well- it's hard when we see that we have become a shadow of the person we once were- or at least when we feel as though we are the shadow. 

[texmati]

Originally Posted by doubledutch 

yes, i think it's possible to come back out of a rut, which is more what this sounds like.  but do you really have a toddler and newborn on your hands right now?  i think it's likely that the best way to get back to yourself and doing the things that make you feel good would be by giving more to yourself, rather than expecting more from yourself.  what do you need in order to have the energy to do all those things?  (including "have more energy" lol . . .)  do you need more rest?  do you need time for a daily walk?  do you need a babysitter?  do you need a supplement you're not currently taking, or some other nutritional adjustment?  something like a yoga class might help you hit multiple goals in one (getting out of the house, meeting people, strength, energy).  i totally relate to wanting to change everything all at once, but in my experience, demanding that of myself didn't work very well.

the make-up thing though?  i totally get that.  if i even have five minutes to slap on some tinted moisturizer and mascara, i'm like, ready to face the world.  (and conversely, when i feel like i look bad, i silently pray i won't run into anyone while running errands.)  it's a good, quick, cheap pick-me-up.  i would go for that asap, lol.

i guess the gist of my advice is to be gentle with yourself and get some support with these goals - don't expect that you have to do everything for yourself.

This is such great advice. I am lucky to have some supportive family that I can lean on. I really hadn't thought of all these things as giving to myself, but in a way it is-- time to excercise, etc. Making myself a priority is a gift. Just today I finally laid out to dh why I wanted a double stroller so bad-- without one I have to rely on him or someone else to watch at least one kid if I want to get in a walk, go to them mall etc. In a way, i'm trying to bump up the priority of my needs.

[doubledutch]

great! 

[PikkuMyy]

I don't have children so it's a bit easier for me to do what you are trying to do but here's my two cents.

I also go through cycles of falling into ruts, pulling myself out, and then falling in (less so) and pulling out again.

Here's how I do it. As suggested before, I give myself very concrete goals. Ones that are attainable and measurable, and that I can see meeting in a few weeks' time. Then once I meet them, I feel good and I create new small goals.

For me, what helps the most is routine and habit. If I make one new thing part of my routine until I don't even think about it, then I have accomplished something and then add in a new item to my routine. Then I do that routine the same way every day so that I don't have to think about what to remember.

For example, when I get ready in the morning, I do my morning routine the same way. I'll list it in detail here to give you an idea of what I do, and I'll put an asterix by the items I used to have trouble doing or want to make sure not to forget.

1. Turn on the heat
2. Use the bathroom
3. Feed the cat
4. Quick e-mail check in case I get anything important from parents (I'm a student.)
5. Put on coffee water
6. Pick out clothing
7. Take a shower
8. Clean my glasses, get dressed, deoderant, brush and dry hair, hair gel, brush teeth
9. Make coffee
10. Put pre-packed lunch in bag and put everything I'm taking to work by the front door
11. Get coffee ready
12. Make breakfast and put in bag immediately.
13. Put on earrings and lipstick and check to make sure I have my wallet and bus pass
14. Put on shoes and turn off heat
15. Leave for bus 5 minutes early

So while it's not a huge list, now that everything is habit, I almost never forget anything on this list. And I'm about to start adding a bit more makeup and jewelry to my prep.

I feel so good when I leave for work on time, without forgetting anything, and looking nice. It makes a huge difference to how I feel all day. So I suggest even starting with your morning routine and then doing the same sort of things at other routine times. This could apply to meals to eat more healthily, etc.