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March 2011 Queer TTC - Looking For A Few BFP's! - Page 9

post #161 of 502

seraf- congrats!!!!!



How do you all STAND this tww?? We're halfway through waiting from our first iui. partner had labs for progesterone Sunday, but we haven't seen the results.

I even had my 40th birthday to distract me, but now I;m right back to thinking thinking. And we're always relating EVERYthing to pregnancy. Peeing a lot? Pregnant. Dizzy? Pregnant. Nauseous? Preggers. Farted? Preg.

I mean in a joking way, but still.

post #162 of 502

Maybe--  I've been through two 2wws before this one.  Each were filled with excitement and angst and were horrible to tolerate.  I feel much more mellow this time.  Not sure why.  But I also know that the closer to the end of the 2ww, the more amped up I am likely to get.  Especially if I have symptoms that clearly feel different than PMS.   


My partner and I agreed to wait for testing until after her finals are over--at 13po.  I think it will help to have a firm date.  Unless I try to rationalize and argue for a earlier date...

post #163 of 502
Ez dame auto correct half the time its nowhere near what I meant ,
post #164 of 502

Maybe~ It can be agony. I swear, on my first one I'd never noticed how early my pms symptoms started. Every pimple, every burp you immediately google to see if anyone else had this shortly before they became pregnant. It's quite a ride!  I hope it's not TOO awful for you xoxo


HappyCalm~ I look forward to your test. Hope you can wait!!! 

post #165 of 502

happy good luck !!!!

post #166 of 502


Originally Posted by prettyisa View Post

Finally back from vacation!
I'm WAY too overwhelmed for personals, but welcome to all of you newbies and hello to everyone else!

Hawaii was wonderful (as promised) and we had an excellent, if brief stopover in San Francisco--not long enough to see everything, but enough to visit some good friends and have some ridiculously amazing food (we went to the Bi Rite ice cream place in the Mission twice in two days and would have gone again if it were open at 7 in the morning...). I managed to fit in at least one session of raw fish, unpasteurized cheese, hot tubs, wine, and/or fancy pineapple drinks every day we were gone. So at least there's that.

And today we had our first meeting with the RE. She was fabulous! Just as friendly and personable and welcoming as we could hope, even though it took 2 hours to see her. She was tickled when I told her that she came recommended by one of the lesbian bloggers (Pomegranate) and asked me to send her more info on COLAGE's donor guide so they can have it as a resource for others using donor sperm and eggs.

Then I had my first introduction to the dildocam. DP raised her eyebrows so high I thought they were going to come off the top of her head like a cartoon. But it was no big deal--I'm on CD11 and there was one nice big 19cm follie on the left and a few smaller (13? ish?) ones on the right. The RE said that I might have some kind of scar tissue from having my appendix out when I was 11 but the technician said she didn't see anything out of the ordinary. We'll go back for a full cycle of monitoring in a couple weeks to do a saline ultrasound, etc. She did say that if 3-4 rounds of clomid (and possibly trigger shots) don't work that she'd want to skip injectibles and go to IVF since it's covered by my insurance and she'd be afraid of multiples otherwise. All in all very reassuring and I'm glad we saw her, although I really wish we were just pregnant now and didn't have to. If wishes were fishes I wouldn't have to buy expensive sushi! smile.gif

Looking forward to catching up!

Isa: Yay for a lovely vacation and a promising RE appt.  I'm amazed that you're not going nuts with a 19mm follie--that's when I would start noticing men on the street and wondering....

Some close friends of mine live in the Mission a few blocks from Bi Rite.  I can't imagine!  They have the most amazing prepared food, too--my friends go there, get food, and take it to Mission Delores park for picnics with all their hipster Mission friends.  I'd be terribly jealous of them (and often are), but I feel awful that they are probably near the unsuccessful end of their own ttc journey (nothing to get discouraged about for you all--she has long-standing, very severe fertility problems that are connected to DES in the family, cervical cancer, and much more).  Sigh.  Anyway, I'm going out there for a work talk and to visit them in the first week of April; I can't wait!   Good luck to you with the RE--I found that stage to be really encouraging and got pregnant on the last of my planned four clomid cycles.  Here's hoping you only need one!


EZ: With four mature follies, you have such a great chance!  Fingers crossed that you are coming up to your very last tww, and good luck!

post #167 of 502
Parenting storys of the hour. Ds ripped off his diaper this morning through it off the bed climbed onto my back and pooped on my back this all happened in a matter of seconds those of you working on number one this is what you have to look forward to and lots of good stuff but lots of poop lots and lots.
post #168 of 502
Nosreves- Yes my partner is from Korea and it has been difficult to find donors. We found one we liked through California Cryobank. He only has 19 vials left but we hope we only need two more for our IVF cycle.

2ez- Keeping my fingers crossed that you get everything you want!

Escher- How are you doing?

AFM- I have my polyp removal scheduled for next week and my IVF scheduled for next cycle.
post #169 of 502

Seraf- joy.gifbroc1.gifcarrot.gifbanana.gifjumpers.gif I knew it! Congrats! Here's to a H&H 9 months! 


Vegan- Singing my "Just Keep Swimming" song for your Swimmers! Here's hoping your TWW is a short one with a BFP at the end of it! SN: I am going to look into the donors at California Cryo. 10 is not a whole lot, but it's more than we are working with now which is 0 so I'll take it. YAY for insurance paying for what we need them to pay for!


Graceie- Sorry about the BFN


Krista- I know the pain you are experiencing all too well, and I am also fully aware that not a whole lot I say will help you during this time, I just want you to know that I am sending you Love and Light for the pain that your heart is feeling right now. 


Library- In less than a week your official countdown to 40 weeks/Baby's Done Cooking/Labor will begin and I am SO excited to meet little Aspidistra!!!! irked.gif BOO to the Mean Girls!


Indigo- YAY for Civil Parntership! love.gif


Mami- Our AFs must have attended the same pissed off/angry/I'll show you conference because mine was the same way this month! GL on your insems!


2ez- Sucks that DS didn't do well, but the great this is that he even got out there and tried and it was the State Regionals at that so BRAVO to him! Singing "Just Keep Swimming" for your swimmers as well keeping my Fx for your BFP!


Gelly- Singing "Just Keep Swimming" for your swimmers! Here's to a short 2WW with a GREAT BIG POSITIVE at the end! 


Nos- Welcome.gifYou have joined a group of amazing women who will support you through all the ups and downs you may go through! Thank you so much for your kind words! I wish we did I have a teleporter to send some of the African-French donors you speak of to the states. Yeah we are def not leaning towards the KD thing there is a website that has free donors but I have just run into a lot of creepsters thus far! Keeping my fingers crossed that all of your symptoms are pregnancy symptoms!


Kelly- Isn't Body Obsession FUN *insert sarcasm* Here's to obsession that leads to a BFP :-)


Crystal- I hope that your insem went great and that you have a wonderful 2ww that speeds by and results in a BFP!


Irish- Welcome.gifI am sorry that your injections are awful hug2.gif hopefully you won't have to do them again because you'll be pregnant! TTC can be a difficult process but with the support of your partner and us here I hope you find a support network you can rely on! 


Isa- Welcome back! I am so happy that you were able to INDULGE on wonderful things that you usually can't eat! LOL at the Dildo Cam! Happy to hear everything is sounding good!


Maybe- The 2ww can be agonizing personally I just try to keep myself very busy!


Max- Thank you for the California Cryobank rec! We are going to take a look at the 10 that are there and hopefully find 1! Sending you positive healing vibes for your polyp removal


Graceie- At this point I would take a poop covered back from a baby then to be sitting here in silence listening to the rain anyday


BABY DUST dust.gifto all that need it! And if I missed anyone charge it to my head, not my heart....


-----WHEW!------- That was a lot of personals!!


AFM- First of all I want to say thank you all so much for your loving and kind words about our KD situation. I am starting to see through the pain that this may be the Universe telling me that he does not deserve the honor of being our donor. I O'd yesterday and it felt like a piece of me died, but today I am feeling  better and trying to look on the bright side. Even though DP and I are not religious people I am very spiritual and we both were raised in strict religious families so we have decided to take part in Lent in hopes that it helps in our TTC efforts. 


VENT: So today while DP was at work she sent me a text saying "Can I ask you a Question?" I knew it couldn't be good from the start since she had to ask me before asking. I responded yes and she proceeds to tell me that since we met with the Midwife she has been doing a lot of thinking, and she wanted to ask but wasn't sure how to ask: What if she didn't want me to try anymore and that she should take it from here? Meaning she carry the baby since it's not working with me. I know she means well, I know deep down she is only trying to avoid the pain I feel every month but I feel like she slapped me in the face and punched me in the gut all at the same time. I already feel so defected, so broken. I know it's irrational but women are made to make babies and I can't seem to make or keep one and it's so discouraging. Her question makes me feel like those feelings I hold deep inside are true. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to her? she doesn't do well with these kinds of things so no one jump on her case about texting I'm not upset about that. Advice? Suggestions? Kind words? Anything?

post #170 of 502

Oh Rainbow Brite~ Big hugs! That must be a tough thing to hear from your partner, though hopeful too in a way. I mean, it's good that she's committed to having a family with you and wonderful that she's willing to take these steps, but that must be disheartening.  I can't help but think, though, that it's a bit early on her part and on yours to think that this 'isn't working'.  I know you had a horrible loss and then a disappointing cycle, and we ALL feel like this isn't going to work at some point, but I think (and this is just MY thought!) that it wouldn't be out of line to say to your DP how awesome it is that she's so devoted, but that you'd like to try a bit more before moving on to that plan.  That's my two cents, I hope it helps!  And thanks for the encouragement about the mean girls. I can't wait for Spring Break!!!

post #171 of 502

Sw   yes even Worth the poop so worth it and man the rain today seems extra depressing , OMO  I feel very weird chiming in on a stranger fertility choices but I'm going to a Little anyways  women are made to have babies and VBACS are great and common and often/usually  successful so if its something you really want or need you should let your partner know that . have you seen a doc and made sure there not something physically off ( not wrong your body is not wrong ) but if its a issue of stress or your DP wanting to carry then maybe its time to sit down and have a very deep conversation I hope you figure out whats best for you ok off my soap box now

post #172 of 502
HappyCalm—Good for you on waiting! I don’t think I’d be able to take a final knowing it was a BFP/N, either, so I’m sure that you’re making the right decision there. Hopefully you’ll have TWO big things to celebrate soon!

Maybe—I don’t think there’s any good way around it. FX for you that your waiting will be over soon and you won’t need to do any more TWWs!!

2EZ—trigger tonight, then? I’m so excited for you! I really think this is your month!

Max—glad you’ve got that scheduled—I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that the last roadblock (as it were) is out of the way so your IVF can workworkwork!!!

Brite—Ugh. Sorry about your partner—I’m sure she is trying to help, but it’s not the kind of offer that’s going to make you feel better, is it? I also agree with the others—I think you’d be giving up on you too soon. If you feel like you should carry I think that you’ll be able to.

Ahope—I am going nuts, but in the opposite way. I feel like I’m back to having PMS today. Just. So. Sad.

AFM—to continue in my self-pitying vein, it’s been a really hard day. One of my friends posted all of the pictures of her 2nd daughter’s birth (Charlotte Annelise, for those of you name-gathering) on facebook and while I was going to look at them and throw myself a little pity party I realized that an old co-worker has a gorgeous 7 month-old that I’d missed somehow and that a current coworker has just announced her pregnancy. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. It just feels like the whole freaking world is pregnant and that the only ones of us who aren’t are here on this board. Which is ridiculous but I can’t help it. And I want to blame DP for making me wait, even though I know it was the right decision financially, but she's been having such a tough time at work that I can't even do that without feeling like a jerk. bawling.gif
post #173 of 502

Hi guys: Just popping in to keep up and try to feel connected so I don't drown in my own despair. My brain is still a foggy mess but my body is finally starting to ease a little out of the miscarriage. I'm trying to hold on to the hope that many women get pregnant soon after the miscarriage because their body is in some state that makes it so. And praying I'm not on the bad side of a statistic again and I'm not one of those people it doesn't happen for...


Thanks to all who have sent love and light. It's very helpful in these rough times.


Rainbow: just have to throw my 2 cents and hugs in. First off, text is a horrible way to have any deep conversation. I know she was probably "testing the waters" by asking you in that manner but it leaves a lot of unanswered questions -- the biggest one being, "WTF are you talking about, Willis?" I really think you need to sit down and hear why she is asking that question. What's the subtext? And then let her know how it makes you feel. It's a double edged sword. My DP keeps telling me should do anything in the world (and I mean ANYTHING) if she could take the pain away from me right now. Is that primarily what your DP is thinking or is she thinking something else? I think it's easy to fall into, "I can't produce. My body is no good. My DP thinks that too." when it very well not be that at all (from her perspective) and the only way you'll know is if you ask. So have the conversation and report back if you're comfortable with it. It's tough conversations but they have to be had, ya know? Sending lots of positive and strengthening vibes your way.



post #174 of 502

Brite--Krista's advice is spot on.  Your DP may not know how to be helpful. And each of us has different levels of comfort with ambiguity/waiting.  TTC can be really hard on a relationship.  I hope you are both able to be gentle with yourselves and each other during this time.


Krista--I'm glad you're checking in.  When my TTC#2 ended as a chemical pregnancy, one of my older women friends said that sometimes the body needs practice being pregnant before it can make a successful go at it.  It kind of felt like it to me.  Like a miscarriage can be a trial run of sorts while the body lays the groundwork for a future pregnancy.  Somehow that made sense to me.


AFM--still just doing life, waiting.  I think Friday/Saturday is going to be a little challenging because I felt implantation pains with both of my previous attempts and I know I'll be on the lookout for those this weekend.  But some women never feel them, right?  Note to self:  no crazy-making...no crazy-making...

post #175 of 502

Just sent my paper work into the bank! That was the best thing to drop into the mail, ever! I'm impatiently waiting for AF to come (I've never wanted her more) and hoping that everyone is having lots of baby making magic in their lives! I promise to post more once I have something interesting to say. 

post #176 of 502

Hi all--Just dropping into say hello.  I have been laying low for the past week and wanted to let you know that I am continuing to send babydust to everyone in the tww, light to those who are struggling, patience to those waiting and general good vibes out to this community.  


As for me, I'm gonna start OPK's tomorrow and will likely do an insemination on Sunday. cautious optimism...


Brite--Please talk to your partner. Krista was spot on with you both really listening to one another.  The only way you will make it through this difficult time is with complete honesty. TTC can put a tremendous amount of stress on any relationship, so be patient with yourselves.  Sending you support!hug2.gif

post #177 of 502
Thread Starter 

Brite - I can only echo what's already been said. Krista has 'hit the nail on the head' in my opinion. Together, you'll get over this bump in the road!


Smiling - biggrinbounce.gif Woohoo!!!


Happy - Hang in there. It's almost time!


AFM - It's shoot up time - I am off to have a date with Ms. Ovidrel!


Nighty night all.

post #178 of 502

Isa~ Big hugs xoxo  I know the horrible feeling. It seemed like every time I got a bfn, every pregnant woman in the state would go to the grocery store just to taunt me with their bump. It must be even harder to be surrounded by friends and co-workers.   Pity party for as long as you need, but don't give up!!!!



Krista~ Hugs to you too. I know you're doing a good job recovering, so just keep it up. Be kind to yourself and keep thinking the positive thoughts.  Great advice to RainbowBrite, too. But then you are our Lesbodoula!!!  I'm glad you're planning another try so soon xo


HappyCalm~ Be happy and calm!! And don't freak  yourself out.  No implantation pains doesn't necessarily mean no baby~ just keep your eyes on the prize!



Qmama~ I'll have uncautious and hyperexcited optimism for your insem!! Woohoo!! Good luck with the opks~ I always found catching the egg to be the most stressful part.


Sara~ Yay for paperwork!! You'll be on your way soon. How's Seraf?  Are you being a good preggo partner?  Holding the barf bowl, etc?


2ez~ How'd your ovidrel date go? When are you insemming?



QOTD-- Thinking about all our ladies in the wait, which I know always made me have crazy pregnancy dreams, so for our question, what's the best/most positive/funniest baby or pregnancy dream you've had?  I had one where I was in a public toilet stall and was going to do my opk. To do it, I would pee in a cup and put the stick in it, but I couldn't stop peeing and just filled up cup after cup and had to stack them in pyramids that filled up the stall.  Weird and kinda gross, but certainly par for the course.    What's anyone else had?

post #179 of 502

Good morning girls, sorry about going MIA.  I have been working, but now my week is done.


Brite, one try does not make "This isn't working."  Chances are not in our favor, but most of us do get pregnant.


Max, Yay for getting this show back on the road!  Good luck with the polyp removal.


2ez, yay for shooting up!  Err, I mean, Yay for great follies!


Krista, You give great advice.  How are you holding up? 


Happycalm, I think every pregnancy is different, not feeling implantation is no big deal (shoot, what if it happens while you're sleeping?)


Maybe, We become mentally unstable during the TWW, silly!  Kidding, mostly.


Library, she is being a good pregnant partner.  I'm not really symptomatic yet, just with the boobs hurting and feeling really sleepy.  So when I roll in at 11 at night, she makes room on the bed.  So sweet! 


Nothing really to report over here.  Thought I'd mention a few of the early pregnancy symptoms I didn't mention.  I normally break out a little a week before AF.  Not a single pimple this time, I just didn't notice until the BFP.  There were the boobs, giant (I started leaking at 8 weeks with Osh, and, well, I was still nursing him when I got preggers with Ari), the moodiness, the smell aversion.  I guess the only new one was the zits.


So, I'm not sick yet.  With Osha I never got sick, just smells.  With Ari I was convinced I was having twins because I was so sick.  The midwives laughed and said that was a girl.  So perhaps I'm expecting a boy?


QOTD, shoot, I always post those dreams on here.  Can't think which one is best.

post #180 of 502

fx to all those getting ready to test/insem/start a new cycle! :) 


afu, dp had peak on the monitor this morning although she feels she ovulated yesterday.  she also saw her acupuncture dr yesterday who says her pulse is good.  :)  anyways, we are right on track for cd1 being march 25th (that's my prediction).  i forgot to mention that our re also tested dp's amh and it came back at 2.2 which is "normal".  so we wait patiently for af to arrive (can we be moved there please?).  in the meantime, we have our trip to get ready for.  our doggie is already signed up for boarding, i need to order some pounds and euros (we have a short layover in amsterdam) and a travel plug.  dp and i have decided to buy an ipad2!!  of course she wants to rush out and get it tomorrow...lol!  i'm also researching an ultra wide lens for our canon 50d.


my sil is measuring 38 weeks at 35 weeks and babe still hasn't turned.  if things stay the same by her next appt, the midwife wants to schedule a section.  :(  please send baby turning vibes across the pond (or across the north sea in the case of nos). 



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