Pretty upset with one of my midwives (hospital midwife group)

[dayiscoming2006]

I'm feeling very unhappy with the midwife group. I've only seen 2 of 4 midwives but one of them is grating my nerves. She did the doppler today without a word or anything, she had mentioned measuring so I didn't even get a chance to say anything. I was going to deny doppler like I did at my last appointment.

Then that wasn't that big of a deal, but I mentioned my birth plan and she said something along the lines of not wanting to see that until I'm 36 weeks and then "we'll see if it is realistic" in kind of a weird tone, I felt.

Then I pretty much don't swell during pregnancy normally but maybe I got dehydrated today or something cuz I sat up from my chair and it felt like I was walking on water (not really bad but still) my legs were stiff and swollen from the knees down. So, I thought I should call, I didn't noticed this until around 5:30 pm. I would not have called but this is so unusual for me that I felt like I should ask.
So, I called for the on call midwife. It happened to be the same one that I saw today. I told her my issue and said, I knew it was probably normal but this never happens to me and I was just making sure there was nothing to be concerned about.

She said it should be fine, drink water, keep your legs up, etc.

Then she lectured me on not calling after hours unless I'm dying or going into labor. She said (I'm paraphrasing) that my kids were yelling and being distracting at the appointment and that I should consider letting them stay in the waiting room next time so that I know to ask questions like that while at my appointments. I didn't HAVE any questions for her at the appointment and my kids were just playing, they weren't even being loud. I do NOT like this particular midwife. The other midwife I met was a lot nicer and easier to talk to. This one that I talked to on the phone tonight acts very OB like in some respects and I hate it. I am supposed to see them every 2 weeks but I think I'll cancel my next appointment and I don't know if I ever want to schedule another appointment after the way I was treated and talked down to. She really made me angry and made me feel stupid. I can do my own prenatal care. I actually knew the answer to my question in the end(since she was ZERO help) but just felt it was unusual to have such random swelling since I've never had it before and wanted to make certain it should be nothing to concern myself with. I would have asked about it online if I'd known I'd get talked to that way, but I guess it's better to find out how she is now.

I'm thinking about dropping their care. My hubby might not like it very much but, I don't see the point. They dont' even check my urine at the appointments which I actually think if I'm going to bother coming in, it'd be nice for them to make sure I don't have a UTI or something that is lingering that I don't notice. I can buy my own urine test strips online for it and do my own prenatal care if they are like this. I never needed them. I only went cuz I managed to get insurance.

All she did at the appointment is annoy me and measure me. And obviously she doesn't like kids.

[lizzie]

Sorry you were treated with such disrespect! That sort of experience really reinforces some of the reasons UC is where we're at, doesn't it?

There was one mw in the group I went to with my son who was that way, just really came across like she either didn't like me or didn't like her job. When I talked to the other midwives about her, they basically said, "Yeah.. that's just how C____ is... try not to take it personally!" Which, of course, was hardly a satisfactory answer. I can't tell you how relieved I was that she was not on duty when I went into labor!

But you're right in realizing you do NOT have to take that kind of treatment. From anyone. I hope whatever you decide to do, it gives you the sense that you've taken back the respect she tried to take away!

[Tumble Bumbles]

Ugh, that's so annoying. If you decide to continue care, I wonder if there's any way you can just request to see X or Y midwife but not her? You can say something diplomatic like "I just don't feel as though our personalities are suited for each other and would prefer to see X or Y from now on". Or that may cause you to feel even more uncomfortable....ugh.

I'm of the mindset that pregnant women should have the absolute lowest stress possible during pregnancy and if this is stressing you out, obviously something needs to be done. You're planning a UC right and just seeing them for prenatal care? If they're not offering you any care you can't do at home (which was the case with my midwife) I would tend toward dropping care. Obviously you have to do what feels right for you -- but yeah, no one should be made to feel like they're an inconvenience, they can't call when they need advice, or their children aren't welcome at their own midwife appointment!

 I hope whatever you decide to do, it gives you the sense that you've taken back the respect she tried to take away!

Agreed.

[tracymom1]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

Obviously you have to do what feels right for you -- but yeah, no one should be made to feel like they're an inconvenience, they can't call when they need advice, or their children aren't welcome at their own midwife appointment!

ITA.  I am so disgusted that a midwife would actually suggest that you leave your kids in the waiting room and not call after hours.  That is beyond rude and simply unacceptable.  I would give their office manager or the head of their group a call and voice your concerns.  If you don't address it, it never has the chance to be fixed for all the other mamas out there, KWIM?  That is just substandard care, IMO.

[ElizabethE]

Yeah, you don't need to take that. This sort of "care" is pretty much the reason why I canceled early prenatal care with some midwives who were totally new to me this pregnancy and went back to my old ones.

If you're going to be that way to women, why even be a midwife-- ya know?

[dayiscoming2006]

Thanks everyone. I am just disappointed with most care providers and docs out there that I have encountered. Every time I try to give them another chance, they continue to disappoint. The only ones that seem any good are those who don't typically take insurance (naturopaths, homebirth midwives, etc.) and I just don't have much money to spend.

I don't know why that lady is a midwife either, Why would you want to be in that line of work if you aren't fond of children or your patients/clients?

I'm going to stop seeing them as according to their little thing you have to sign before getting care from them, you cannot choose which of the midwives you do or do not see. I never want to see the midwife who spoke to me that way again. 

I will call tomorrow to cancel my next appointment. I will also figure out who to complain to about the way that midwife treated me. I feel bad that other women stay and put up with it as they don't feel they have other options. I'm really glad this pregnancy has been good and uncomplicated.

I was going to UC still before this happened so, now I guess I'll continue with UP as well. I UP'ed up until I was 24 weeks but thought to give this midwife group a chance, since they were covered by medicaid. Oh well.