Zeta, thank you. I don't know what I'd do without this forum to give me some perspective! Sometimes just having people to bounce my thoughts off is so important. I have this month of not seeing him while I am out of the country, and I think things will be really clear by the end of that. At the moment I am really leaning towards letting it go. Because I can remember how I felt this exact way - in almost constant heartbreak and pain, and feeling unable to let go - in some past relationships, and then when I finally let go it was the best thing for me, and I never looked back. I'm sure it'll be the same here. I think I'm more in love with the idea of him - the first successful, established man with money, who is also on a spiritual path very strongly, that I've ever dated - than him himself, because things have felt óff' for quite a while now.
As for the age gap, yep , I agree - but his last two serious girlfriends were both in their twenties, even younger than me, and so I think he sort of has no problem getting younger women. What really gets me is the way HE pursued me so strongly, I was so not interested, and I was celibate at the time - and I gave that up (my choice, I take full responsibility!) because I was so fascinated by him and the way he romanced me hooked me in...and then as soon as he 'got'me, he started spouting this stuff about wanting to take it slow and that he could easily fall in love with me but wouldn't let himself yet because of his many broken hearts, blah blah blah... basically I don't think this man knows what he wants. I just feel so disillusioned about men now, because I really thought this guy could be It. It's like, if someone who has been a practicing Buddhist for decades and is supposed to be so emotionally and spiritually aware, is like this, then what hope is there really. Thats where I'm at right now.