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March Dating Shenanigans - Spring is in the air.... Scintillating Surprises? Serenity? - Page 2

post #21 of 142

Zeta, thank you. I don't know what I'd do without this forum to give me some perspective! Sometimes just having people to bounce my thoughts off is so important. I have this month of not seeing him while I am out of the country, and I think things will be really clear by the end of that. At the moment I am really leaning towards letting it go. Because I can remember how I felt this exact way - in almost constant heartbreak and pain, and feeling unable to let go - in some past relationships, and then when I finally let go it was the best thing for me, and I never looked back. I'm sure it'll be the same here. I think I'm more in love with the idea of him - the first successful, established man with money, who is also on a spiritual path very strongly, that I've ever dated - than him himself, because things have felt óff' for quite a while now.

 

As for the age gap, yep , I agree - but his last two serious girlfriends were both in their twenties, even younger than me, and so I think he sort of has no problem getting younger women. What really gets me is the way HE pursued me so strongly, I was so not interested, and I was celibate at the time - and I gave that up (my choice, I take full responsibility!) because I was so fascinated by him and the way he romanced me hooked me in...and then as soon as he 'got'me, he started spouting this stuff about wanting to take it slow and that he could easily fall in love with me but wouldn't let himself yet because of his many broken hearts, blah blah blah... basically I don't think this man knows what he wants. I just feel so disillusioned about men now, because I really thought this guy could be It. It's like, if someone who has been a practicing Buddhist for decades and is supposed to be so emotionally and spiritually aware, is like this, then what hope is there really. Thats where I'm at right now.

post #22 of 142

Ok so I went on a date...now what? :) I had dinner last night with someone I met online and had been talking with for about 2 weeks or more. We stayed at the restaurant for about 2 and a half hours talking and I had a good time and wouldn't mind seeing him again. We parted with me saying something like "so we'll talk soon then?" and he responded with some kind of yes answer but i'm not really sure if he was really into the date or not? He did most of the talking just b/c he's a chatty person, which I dont mind b/c im quieter, I added my bits to the conversation but i could tell he liked talking :) I'm just not sure what I should do next, do I call him, wait for him to call me? message him on OKC, wait for him to message me? text message him something like "had a good time last night, thanks again for dinner"? I'm clueless when it comes to dating rules and regulations :) please help!

post #23 of 142

Devaya- I really hear you.  Sounds like he really pursued you, then changed to a more detached mode.  Yuck. 

 

I had a dream last night that I was dating one of my past guys perhaps like this one- and i kept making an effort and really hoping - but he kept being hot/cold and disappointing me (but wanting attention when he wanted it), and in the dream I so wanted it to work out, but there was a part of me watching the whole movie and going -YUCK!  I so don't want that! 

 

The whole "I could so easily fall in love with you" stuff really rubs me the wrong way.  It smacks of (conscious or unconscious) stringing you along while remaining aloof.  I have heard lines like that so many times and it always made me want to stick around but it never, ever turned into a satisfying relationship.  That is the kind of communication that the book He's just not that into you tackles with ferocity. 

 

To give you an example, one guy I was dating kept talking about the fact that I had kids being a likely (but not certain!) barrier to longterm, but then he'd follow up with some kind of wistful remark about how my kids really are special...or once: "but if i fall in love, anything is possible."  I so wish I coudl go back in time and smack him for that one!

 

One other thing, spiritual seekers are probably better in many ways than non-seekers, but they are just that- seekers.  he isn't the buddha after all!  And as you may know, mental health counselors are just as likely- if not more so- to have weighty baggage of their own, even if they are truly skilled at helping patients.  In your own life your own stuff comes up.

 

Martha- two anwers (1) do whatever the hell you want and (2) using the book He's just not that into you, I personally would totally wait to hear from him, because that would give me good information about his level of interest.  I am SO over dating guys that are not totally into me, it makes my life confusing/ high / low, and never ends well for me.

 

 

post #24 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeta View Post

Devaya- I really hear you.  Sounds like he really pursued you, then changed to a more detached mode.  Yuck. 

 

I had a dream last night that I was dating one of my past guys perhaps like this one- and i kept making an effort and really hoping - but he kept being hot/cold and disappointing me (but wanting attention when he wanted it), and in the dream I so wanted it to work out, but there was a part of me watching the whole movie and going -YUCK!  I so don't want that! 

 

The whole "I could so easily fall in love with you" stuff really rubs me the wrong way.  It smacks of (conscious or unconscious) stringing you along while remaining aloof.  I have heard lines like that so many times and it always made me want to stick around but it never, ever turned into a satisfying relationship.  That is the kind of communication that the book He's just not that into you tackles with ferocity. 

 

To give you an example, one guy I was dating kept talking about the fact that I had kids being a likely (but not certain!) barrier to longterm, but then he'd follow up with some kind of wistful remark about how my kids really are special...or once: "but if i fall in love, anything is possible."  I so wish I coudl go back in time and smack him for that one!

 

One other thing, spiritual seekers are probably better in many ways than non-seekers, but they are just that- seekers.  he isn't the buddha after all!  And as you may know, mental health counselors are just as likely- if not more so- to have weighty baggage of their own, even if they are truly skilled at helping patients.  In your own life your own stuff comes up.

 

Martha- two anwers (1) do whatever the hell you want and (2) using the book He's just not that into you, I personally would totally wait to hear from him, because that would give me good information about his level of interest.  I am SO over dating guys that are not totally into me, it makes my life confusing/ high / low, and never ends well for me.

 

 


Wow, that really resonates with me, Zeta. I had a dream early on when I was friends with him and aware it was possibly heading in a relationship direction, that we were at a party together and he kept going off with other women and acting like it was totally an acceptable thing to do. In the dream I felt the most acute heartbreak. ALthough I don't think he is cheating, I feel that feeling now. He has said things like,"Ït''s so great to be able to reach out and touch a woman as I can with you, I can't do that with my women friends"" more than once. What the hell is that supposed to mean?? I"ve seen the movie but need to read the book, 'He's just not that into you.' At the same time I think it's messing with my head to keep analysing his motives and why he is doing this. I just don't get it...why he would string me along..what the hell he really wants.\

 

I don't know if I can get through the next three weeks of us being in different countries, without tackling this, as I feel I need to get closure and move on emotionally and start to heal, rather than be in this limbo...but I can hardly break up with him by email or SKype...or can I?? I have a sneaky feeling he may end things with me soon, judging by the tone of his last two FB messages and the fact he was evasive about the exact date we would be meeting up after I get back...and I don't want him to get in there first and have the satisfaction of rejecting me.  (Ego, I know!). You're right about mental health workers. My last serious boyf, my DS's dad, was a mental health worker too, though NOT, emphatically NOT, on a spiritual path. I should've learned then! Anyway thanks for your insights. I feel in a world of pain right now but I know it will pass. It just really sucks.

post #25 of 142

Devaya, I wouldn't worry about how to break up with this guy. You could just call him and say it was nice hanging out but you're moving on because this relationship isn't working for you. He's nearly twice your age. It won't be the first time he's been dumped, and it sounds like he can get any kind of woman he wants, and it sounds like there are plenty of fish in the sea for you.

post #26 of 142
Martha, if I were you, I'd get in touch through email or text in a few days to find out if he wants to meet up again. You have nothing to lose. smile.gif

Devaya, after reading your more recent emails - yuck. He's not invested in your thing at all and three months may be soon for commitment, but it's long enough to know if you are developing deeper feelings for someone. Maybe just not initiate much contact with him until you get back? But given that it's a long-distance relationship, I think it would be okay to break up over Skype. Why should you guys travel just to end things?

I have yet again changed my mind about dating guys just for something to do. I canceled my date for tonight that I was so wishy-washy on, because I know it was going nowhere and I don't feel like wasting his or my time. I will find something to do on my own tonight. Tomorrow I'm hanging with a friend, so I'm not feeling lonely at all. I'm tired of dating already and I've only been back into it for about a month. I'm gonna quit seeking out guys now and just see if anyone falls into my lap by chance.

Oh, but I think I'm in love with a guy that I met online. joy.gif Not really, but I have a major crush developing and he definitely does too. One slight problem. He lives 250 miles away. bawling.gif It's so frustrating.
post #27 of 142

Bananabee, yeah, he's definitely been through break ups before. But get this: he claims all his relationships were ended by him except the last two. Ha!

 

Mimim, yeah, I have decided that I'm not quite ready to break up yet, to make that final decision, although it is defo leaning that way, but I"m not going to initiate contact for the remainder of my holiday. It is so hard to say whether deeper feelings have been developing between us or not, because he is a bit of a closed book in that regard. He did admit he holds himself back from me a bit, the second last time I saw him. I agree that breaking up on Skype if that's what it comes to, and I feel certain, would be ok. I''m not quite ready to let go yet though. Sucker for punishment eh. What can I say.

 

Shame about the online guy living so far away!! What a bummer. Good that you're not feeling lonely though. I feel tons better tonight after doing some college work and just not thinking about LCG for an hour. Remembering that I have a life, I have a lot going for me, and it doesn't all depend on some guy. As you say Bananabee, there are plenty of fish in the sea for me... God! I  get quite pissed sometimes that it all takes up so much head room. Thank god for my meditation practice or it would probably be even worse!

post #28 of 142

Devaya, maybe he treated the last two like he's treating you now, and they dumped him. Maybe he's just not that into caring about a woman in his life at his age right now. It seems to me that generally speaking, stable men who want a serious relationship usually go for someone closer to their age. I have to wonder why you would want to go out with a guy who's going to be getting senior citizen discounts before you know it. Seriously. In ten years, you'd be keeping track of his meds, helping him get his socks on, and going to his cardiologist appts. You're hot stuff. You could have a good guy your age. Why date someone old enough to be your dad?

post #29 of 142

1) He's stable & secure, emotionally
2) He's a lot of fun/you have a lot of common interests
3) He's ready to commit & cohabitate when you are
4) He is very intelligent
5) He's stable & secure, financially/career
6) He wants a similar future, in terms of having or not having more kids ( + parenting style isn't totally out of whack with yours as far as you can tell)
7) He's a good fit with current kiddos
8) He's socially simpatico with your style/tribe
9) He's attractive
10) He lives in your immediate vicinity

post #30 of 142



Hi all. Can I join you? First off, what is the quote below from?

 

I was excited to see this forum b/c it seems like a great place to talk things out, give/get support - the group of girlfriends I'm missing. Can I invite you all over for tea or a glass of wine? lol

 

I have been separated since last summer and jumped right into dating almost immediately. I needed that experience given that I had never dated before - just my ex (what's the stbx or something?) I came from a religous background that did not condone much dating.

 

I met a guy and dated him and fell in love but then realized I really wasn't ready. I also felt like there were some red flags. We are still friends and he is still madly in love with me. I really don't have feelings for him anymore but enjoy the friendship. Honestly, I need more girlfriends!! Mine all have a ton of kids and are married. What really got me into the whole online dating thing to begin with was feeling so lonely and bored out of my mind. I love my mom friends but honestly, with 3 or 4 little ones, they are not available for fun: hiking, dinner out, a movie, shopping or anything. And honestly, none of them even like shopping! While I can channel the earth mama goddess thing fully, I admit, I enjoy makeup and nailpolish and shopping lol.

 

Right now I'm reading a book called Choosing Me Before We: Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love and really enjoying it.

 

I am debating about dating. I know I'm not ready for a relationship at present. But I'd also like to know there are other spiritual, intelligent guys out there like my friend. And I'd like him to get over me rather than constantly being so depressed and pining away for me. Honestly, I think he needs more close friends too.

 

Have any of you found that it's hard to fit in after separating/divorcing? How do I meet more friends who don't have so many kids that that is their entire life? (tho believe me if I had 3 or 4 little ones I'd be the same way). I can't wait til I get into grad school this summer!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxie View Post

1) He's stable & secure, emotionally
2) He's a lot of fun/you have a lot of common interests
3) He's ready to commit & cohabitate when you are
4) He is very intelligent
5) He's stable & secure, financially/career
6) He wants a similar future, in terms of having or not having more kids ( + parenting style isn't totally out of whack with yours as far as you can tell)
7) He's a good fit with current kiddos
8) He's socially simpatico with your style/tribe
9) He's attractive
10) He lives in your immediate vicinity



 

post #31 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by bananabee View Post

Devaya, maybe he treated the last two like he's treating you now, and they dumped him. Maybe he's just not that into caring about a woman in his life at his age right now. It seems to me that generally speaking, stable men who want a serious relationship usually go for someone closer to their age. I have to wonder why you would want to go out with a guy who's going to be getting senior citizen discounts before you know it. Seriously. In ten years, you'd be keeping track of his meds, helping him get his socks on, and going to his cardiologist appts. You're hot stuff. You could have a good guy your age. Why date someone old enough to be your dad?

LOL! Thanks for the perspective Bananabee ;) Very true, and something that has crossed my mind more than once, and freaked me out a bit! I guess I had just got fed up of 30-something-year-old guys who were still figuring out who they were and working through their issues and mostly didn't seem to have any money or proper career either. This guy, while 55, is established,has done lots of therapy, is comfortable with himself and has money too. Plus he is the best in bed I've ever encountered, (perhaps due to so much experience!) we are a really good match in that regard and he's commented on it a lot. I disagree that stable men who want a serious relat necessarily go for someone their age... he is a very álternative'person and most people in his age group are married, settled down and not available, or are not particularly open minded and alternative (of course there are exceptions). In the holistic, spiritual crowds he moves in, most of the women are younger, and that's just the way it is - he's looking for a like minded partner, which is understandable. He also told me when we were still just friends that he was currently only dating women of childbearing age b/c he hasn't given up on his dream of being a father. I do believe he is looking for someone to settle down with, but like most people has some ambivalence about that. I  would love to get married but I am also terrified of the idea, and the last guy I was involved with was so into a future with me, it actually turned me off completely. People are complicated... but at the same time I don't want to allow myself to be taken for a ride

 

I don't mean to make it sound like it's been all bad. He's romantic, we have lots of fun together, he makes me laugh and we share interests that we can participate in together - this is all a first for me, since none of my previous boyfriends shared my interests and we had completely separate lives. I have decided to take a different approach now of putting myself first, focusing on my stuff and redirecting my thoughts when I start to obsess about him. Last night I worked on an essay for my course (that I'd been putting off) and it felt so good. Reading a woman called Rori Raye online has been very helpful - she has E-books you have to pay for but she does free newsletters which have a lot of helpful content in them. Basically it's about connecting with good, love feelings in yourself and radiating that out, and doing visualisations around that, so that you are no longer feeling trapped and dependent on one particular man's affections. Thinking every day, what do I need to make ME happy, and doing and being that. Regarding the man you're with as just one of many possibilities and putting HIM to the test rather than feeling that you're trying to measure up for HIM. As in,'"You'd be lucky to be with me", not the other way around. I'm starting to believe it!

 

 

post #32 of 142



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attached Mama View Post



Hi all. Can I join you? First off, what is the quote below from?

 

I was excited to see this forum b/c it seems like a great place to talk things out, give/get support - the group of girlfriends I'm missing. Can I invite you all over for tea or a glass of wine? lol

 

I have been separated since last summer and jumped right into dating almost immediately. I needed that experience given that I had never dated before - just my ex (what's the stbx or something?) I came from a religous background that did not condone much dating.

 

I met a guy and dated him and fell in love but then realized I really wasn't ready. I also felt like there were some red flags. We are still friends and he is still madly in love with me. I really don't have feelings for him anymore but enjoy the friendship. Honestly, I need more girlfriends!! Mine all have a ton of kids and are married. What really got me into the whole online dating thing to begin with was feeling so lonely and bored out of my mind. I love my mom friends but honestly, with 3 or 4 little ones, they are not available for fun: hiking, dinner out, a movie, shopping or anything. And honestly, none of them even like shopping! While I can channel the earth mama goddess thing fully, I admit, I enjoy makeup and nailpolish and shopping lol.

 

Right now I'm reading a book called Choosing Me Before We: Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love and really enjoying it.

 

I am debating about dating. I know I'm not ready for a relationship at present. But I'd also like to know there are other spiritual, intelligent guys out there like my friend. And I'd like him to get over me rather than constantly being so depressed and pining away for me. Honestly, I think he needs more close friends too.

 

Have any of you found that it's hard to fit in after separating/divorcing? How do I meet more friends who don't have so many kids that that is their entire life? (tho believe me if I had 3 or 4 little ones I'd be the same way). I can't wait til I get into grad school this summer!!



 


Hello and welcome Attached Mama! The quote is from Butterflymom, who started this thread, you can find it on the first page of this thread - it's basically a list of priorities in a man that we're looking for, i.e. you number the qualities from 1 to 10 in order of which are most important for you.

 

I can relate to the difficulty of finding girlfriends after a split... my frirends with kids, I find impossible to have a real conversation with b/c the kids are always there - guess it'll get easier when they're older, but right now any childfree time is usually spent alone, catching up with chores and work/study. Good for you for ending the relat when you saw the red flags and realiesd you weren't ready - takes a lot of strength in my experience. It must be tricky still being friends with him though, seeing how he is feeling from the breakup... doesn't sound that healthy to me. There are other guys like that out there. Do you have 5 Rhythms dance classes where you are? They can be a good source of spiritual intelligent guys, but only in bigger classes really, in bigger cities, as my clsas only hs a very few men, most of them not v attractive! But I've seen lots of interesting ones at the big city one I attend at times. Grad school also should help. Good luck!

post #33 of 142
Thread Starter 
I just thought it would be interesting to chalk up our dating pursuits like that & compare notes.

My girlfriends are my saving grace after divorce. The guy friends as well. My friendships have been everything. Literally think I'd be nowhere without them.

Cool as a Cucumber is my best friend these the last 8 months. He may or may not be in love with me, but he cares about & looks out for my well-being more than any guy ever has. Consistent like nothing I knew possible. Smart smart--- 'wicked smaht,' and such good genes on the outside that I fantasize about what our babies would look like.

But will his love meter ever switch on & dial up strongly enough to a level where we're even remotely on the same page? Can I calm down the lovesick kitten feelings? I hate feeling that I'm more into him than he is into me. But he jumps at my beck & call, and takes care of me and sends messages every single day. He doesn't act ambivalent. He just doesn't 'speak' the language of romantic passion. Le sigh.

Devaya- such wisdom on this thread regarding your older guy.
Martha- send him a message if you feel like it! No stress!

LoveOhm - how goes it?
Sugarmoon- delurk, damn it!
post #34 of 142

I've been pondering Butterflymom's list of desires and decided that I can't put them in any order, because every single one is very important to me. I have a very long page of attributes I'm looking for in a soulmate as I've been doing a lot of work with Deliberate Creation (what's popularly called "the Secret" nowadays but I've been practicing for about 15 years) and I want to be sure the universe doesn't leave anything out winky.gif  All those 10 are included in some way in that list, though stated a bit differently. Overall, I need to be with someone who is a good fit for me and my family and our life; I'm not gonna be changing to fit a man and I don't want him changing to fit me. I need to be physically and emotionally and intellectually attracted to him, and do not care a bit if he's attractive to the rest of the world. I'm not into dating as a past-time, only as a means to get to know someone. I'm pretty low maintenance and don't like generic romantic gestures; I prefer hanging out casually and just being part of each others lives.

post #35 of 142

Hi everyone.  This was my into post bad in the January thread:

 

I guess I'll join the fray too, even though I'm NON-dating, not really dating.  You may remember that I just left my emotionally abusive husband not quite 2 months ago.  Well, things are going pretty well on that front, no major drama yet.  I finally sent a text to my daughter's best friend's dad.  Way back when my marriage drama started he had offered to cook us dinner sometime (the kids and I), so I wanted to see if the offer was still good.  I also had concerns about his daughter and wanted to offer my support.  Anyway. . . we've been talking a lot.  Neither of us are in a place where we are healthy enough to maintain a relationship and we both know it.  We are just friends.  I love it!!!  I've never had someone be so open and honest with me about their feelings before.  We talk about everything and analyze it to death until we've made peace with it.  Neither of us knows if life will lead us to a place where we can support on another's passions or not but we both acknowledge that a wonderful friend is a gift in itself.

 

I've gone on a few dates with someone else and quickly learned that he was using me and wasn't over his x-wife. . .  fun stuff.  Things are pretty much the same with my friend, which is a very good thing.   We spend Friday night together: walked in the woods, painted pictures, talk and talked and talked.  I slept in his bed and he slept on the couch.  He offered to share sleep(friendly cuddle) but I had to say "no thanks".  I'm not good at sleeping with someone and the one time it worked for me it meant WAY to much to me emotionally.  I knew it could take 'us' to a place in my mind neither one of us are ready for.  He totally respected my "no" and I explained myself in the morning and he was glad I had made that decision.  In the morning took another walk and went our separated ways for the day.  Last night we took yet another walk and made an amazing tapas dinner.  . . same sleeping arrangements. This morning he made breakfast and we talked until noon. Then we both had things to do.  We hug good morning, good night, hello and goodbye but other than that there is no physical contact.  I got a text thanking me for a great weekend.

 

This man is totally amazing.  We are both recovering from relationships and doing a lot of work with our therapists.  Who knows what the future will bring.  We know we're looking at least a year at this level and maybe more.  I'm OK with that.  I treasure our friendship, and that is enough.

post #36 of 142

Hi everyone- I'm new to the single/ dating thing.  Separated from stbx in Oct, had a fwb for a few months that's now ended.  I met a guy last weekend, kissed him the night we met then we texted (and sexted) non-stop all week.  Hung out with him yesterday (took our dogs for a walk, lunch).  He is really chatty on texts but barely said anything when we were together.  I don't know if he's shy or nervous or what but we hung out for several hours.  Or maybe I'm just used to guys who never stop talking.  eyesroll.gif  The last time I was single cell phones didn't exist so I'm new to getting to know someone by text. 

 

What have your experiences been with texting and with shy guys?

 

Here's my priority list:  (huh- looks like I'm not looking for something serious, just someone to have fun with winky.gif)

 

1. Fun

2. Attractive

3. Stable emotionally

4. Intelligent

5. Socially simpatico

6. Lives in immediate vicinity

7. Stable financially

8. Good fit with kiddos

9. Wants similar future

10. Ready to commit when I am

 

post #37 of 142
Moochie Mamma, if he is shy you should give him time to warm up to you. He might need to get adjusted. Texting is so different from actually talking - the response time is vastly longer - you have time to think before you have to reply.

I'm still not finding anyone I want to date although I'm forcing myself to be as social as possible. I went out on Saturday and drank too much and had many fleeting flirtations. On Sunday morning, I initiated a conversation with the strange man sitting across from me in the coffeeshop. I went on an internet date on Sunday evening. We had a blast together and felt really comfortable, but I wasn't even a tiny bit attracted to him. We agreed to hang out as friends again sometime soon. And then I have a stupid absurd dorky crush on a guy who I've been chatting with a bunch, but who lives out of state. It's helpful to have such a low pressure crush. I can ignore his faults (of which there must be many, since I'm uncontrollably drawn to him and I have a tendency to be attracted to deeply flawed people) and just get all swoony when I wake up to find that he sent me multiple emails containing links to articles while I was sleeping and to get all dreamy because his explanation for why he looks at my dating profile several times a day is because I'm beautiful. It's funny how that works. If I didn't like him, I would find those things annoying and even creepy, but since I do like him, I get in a flutter over them.

I do miss having a boyfriend, but I don't want the one I had a few months ago back. I did at first. I'm feeling patient and optimistic and happy to be establishing new routines and making some new connections with people on any level.
post #38 of 142



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Devaya View Post

Mimim, I see your point about the 3 months thing... when you see it in black and white it does sound like a short time. Yet the 3 months have seemed really long to me, and I am just used to relationships which are pretty established by this point...where "I love you"has been said, basically. I'm not asking to be engaged to be married or moving in with the guy, but I am usually more sure of where things stand, and am feeling more closeness and connection. A few months ago I was dating a guy who, while not as long distance as LCG, was still a good 45 minute drive away, we could only see each other once or twice a week, and in the 7 weeks we were together we got so close, we talked loads on the phone and were really open and honest with each other. So I know that it is possible. I don't really get the point of playing it safe for months as he seems to want to do, b/c I still get attached and hurt anyway, even tho I am not letting myself fully fall in love with him... I think you might as well go all in and see what there is between you.

 

It's possibly true that he doesn't want to be as close as I want us to be yet, but it's not as if my email was talking about any of that 'relationship stuff, it was just a normal friendly email about what I'd been up to on my holiday so far and what was going on for me.'So him not responding to it just shows a total lack of interest and possibly self absorption as well. I also remember reading a relationship book that said people often diffuse their "love energy" amongst lots of friends of the opposite sex, and then have less of it for their partner...so true in his case since he is a roaring socialite and has many close female friends - which I'm not jealous of, but he has himself said that he finds it a bit much sometimes.

 

Attuned Mama, I had to laugh at your mention of him being immature since he's nearly twice my age and has this really émotionally mature persona'. I am however starting to wonder if it's all BS, b/c he is clearly quite scared of commitment, and has shown a real lack of emotional sensitivity at times - e.g after my birthday dinner I was a bit upset about something harsh a good friend said and he totally dismissed it and basically told me not to feel what I felt, sticking up for my friend! (He was at the dinner too). The reasons I'm finding it so hard to let go of this guy is that I can see so much potential - the first few weekends we spent together were SO amazing and so connected, and since then he just seems to be putting one barrier after another between us. And the other reason is, well, sad as it is, I really like being in a relationship, and the thought of starting all over again looking for someone is so depressing. But I cheered myself up last night though thinking of all the summer festivals I plan to go to and how there will definitely be younger, more attractive and interesting guys there ;)


Are we seeing the same guy? What is it with these older guys and committment? eyesroll.gif
 

 

post #39 of 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoeyZoo View Post



 


Are we seeing the same guy? What is it with these older guys and committment? eyesroll.gif
 

 

 

It would stand to reason that if he's never been married and has had plenty of chances in the past, he's probably not looking for commitment. Especially if he's going for women half his age. It's just sex, and when you get annoying and want his attention after he's already bored, he dumps you. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I dated a player once who was about 8 yrs older than me, and he was just like that. He was a great guy, and lots of fun, just not a great long-term partner (esp since I wouldn't sleep with him). I'm sure he's still single now, and probably dating teenagers.
 

 

post #40 of 142


 

Quote:

Sugarmoon- delurk, damn it!


For some reason, this made me want to break into crazy, maniacal laughter.

 

But...

 

Hi.

 

Here I am.

 

ATG is still.....ATG.

 

There are a few new (or old) players though.  I reconnected with that guy from the end of last summer, I think I was calling him the Shy Commuter?  We haven't actually *seen* each other again, but he contacted me and we've been trading emails.  I was tentatively planning to see him this coming weekend, but I think I'm keeping my friend's kids overnight so she and her husband can have a night off for her birthday.  Shy Commuter will keep :).  He's not anything that's ever going to be a relationship, he and I are both clear about that, but he's pleasant company, and when we talk politics, it is downright intense, and that can't really be beat. 

 

I also had a drink last weekend with a new guy, who is going to have to remain nameless for now.  He seems like a nice enough guy, attractive enough, good dad -- he has primary custody of his 2 kids, coaches their sports teams etc etc.....Do you hear the roaring sound made by the complete lack of sparks?  Yeah....but we're trading emails back and forth still, and talking about trying for lunch this week.  So...we'll see.

 

The ATG mess is still where my head is, and until I can kick that, I'm just going through the motions with these other guys.  But, sometimes, if you keep going through the motions, you find yourself dancing, you know?  That's what I'm hoping at least.

 

 

 

 

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