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Day One! NO YELLING at all! - Page 2

post #21 of 75

Hi mamas, can I join the club?

 

My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is).  I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something.  Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo.  Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf.  I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk.  So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!

post #22 of 75

Failed today. He was yanking on my hair from behind the chair while I was on the phone.


 

post #23 of 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post


I'm liking this train of thought.  I really don't like yelling, but I do it sometimes.  I'm just not good at staying calm.  I've even spanked a few times in the last 2 days b/c I'm losing my mind with my highly spirited 2yo who just.will.not.listen.at.all.to.anything.I.say.  AAAAHHHHHHHH.  Thank god this only lasts a few weeks till I start work, but I'm home right now and I need some methods of calming myself down so that I don't scream at him constantly, or spank anymore.  I REALLY need to stop that.  redface.gif  (please PLEASE no flames - I'm NOT a good SAHM and I need to start working so that I'm not one anymore)

 

Can you elaborate more on the last sentence?  What is the difference between your sense of self and your friends?  I'm honestly curious, my parents yelled, and my brothers and I seem to have turned into good independant, hard working adults, but not I'm rambling and don't know where I'm going.  I just had that question.  Thanks!


in the same sentiment of no flames please, when i get to that breaking point with them i just do something decadent and naughty for myself... have some chocolate, pour a drink, or more awesomely do a yoga class. the whole mother's little helper thing, kwim ;) once i can flip my own off switch i can go back to them with renewed patience or actually enjoy them. even going outside works wonders. 2 was the hardest age in that respect with my daughter. now she communicates much better and my son is completely sunny and responds so well to the happiest toddler techniques of mirroring emotions, validating and when all else fails, his pacifier and a back carry.

 

i quit high school after junior year and left home for an early acceptance to college which was all a big means to get out of my mom's house and culminated in an abusive marriage from 18-25, nomadic living, total isolation from most and at times all of my family until i popped back up, divorced, and made the big effort to rejoin society and start my real life.

 

versus my friend who worked her way up from unremarkable to third in her high school class, went off to college and brought along wonderfully high standards for the people in her life. never settled for a sub-par job, friend or man. all her mom's browbeating amounted to a tremendous amount of faith in the person she could be. now she too is a teacher and handles life sensibly, sets and accomplishes goals, lives thrifty and moderate.

 

loaded question, rambling answer, hth at all!


Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post


Beautifuly put.
 



 


thanks, mama! keeping your sanity with two as close as yours is noble work, hats off :D

 


Edited by BlueMonday - 3/2/11 at 11:54am
post #24 of 75


 Sheepish.gif Awwww, thanks! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post


thanks, mama! keeping your sanity with two as close as yours is noble work, hats off :D

 


I joke with my GF who has 1 year old twin girls, that I honestly wonder which is harder, twins, or irish twins.  LOL!
 

 

post #25 of 75

Double post.

post #26 of 75

I started my Day One to NO YELLING, too! Well, I am on day 7.

 

If you would like to know how I did it, this is how:

 

My daughter is not yet two. When I yelled at her, she would either look scared, cry, yell back or run away. She was born with the ability to communicate her boundaries. She was saying to me, you are making me feel unsafe. These were provided to her by her primitive brain. If I did not stop at once, I was only teaching her that her boundaries were not to be respected or listened to.

 

It is my job to protect my daughter and if she must protect herself from me, the intruder is already here inside the house with her.

 

Yelling is a way of communicating that I am unpredictable.

post #27 of 75

Dang it - I already slipped up!  I yelled earlier to get dd's attention.  At least it wasn't angry yelling.

 

Ok, reset.  Let's try this again...

post #28 of 75

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy Bee View Post

I started my Day One to NO YELLING, too! Well, I am on day 7.

 

If you would like to know how I did it, this is how:

 

My daughter is not yet two. When I yelled at her, she would either look scared, cry, yell back or run away. She was born with the ability to communicate her boundaries. She was saying to me, you are making me feel unsafe. These were provided to her by her primitive brain. If I did not stop at once, I was only teaching her that her boundaries were not to be respected or listened to.

 

It is my job to protect my daughter and if she must protect herself from me, the intruder is already here inside the house with her.

 

Yelling is a way of communicating that I am unpredictable.


Good point. I definitely check myself too when my daughter starts to react nervously. If she gets sad she gets a hug and apology. The boy is never fazed, but he's also generally good at minding me after a few calm rounds of "no, Jack".

 

I think my job is to raise people who can keep their head while all about them... so I don't mind giving them some crazy for practice ;)

post #29 of 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post

 


Good point. I definitely check myself too when my daughter starts to react nervously. If she gets sad she gets a hug and apology. The boy is never fazed, but he's also generally good at minding me after a few calm rounds of "no, Jack".

 

I think my job is to raise people who can keep their head while all about them... so I don't mind giving them some crazy for practice ;)

Ha! Ha! Crazy for practice! Love it!

 

Of course, I agree with you. Our children need practice with less than perfect parents. I wrote that post for those parents who don't stop at the boundaries. For all others who do recognize the signs, say to yourself, there is always a next time to do it better.
 

 

post #30 of 75
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Hi mamas, can I join the club?

 

My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is).  I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something.  Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo.  Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf.  I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk.  So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!



This is definitely my worst time of day too. The few breaths really works!

It's kind of funny though. When my DS was 4 he would do something naughty and then say "mom, time to your deep breaths now".

 

 

post #31 of 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2happy View Post





 

It's kind of funny though. When my DS was 4 he would do something naughty and then say "mom, time to your deep breaths now".

 

 


Lol! 

 

post #32 of 75

Can I join?  I don't believe we should never yell as parents... but I am wanting to get rid of all unnecessary yelling.  My DD1 is almost 4 and I have a 9 month old DD2.  I have a lot of stress in my life and DD1 has some sensory issues which lead her to have huge meltdowns at times.  I always feel so much better if I come out of a stressful situation and have maintained my cool.

 

So far today has been good.  I also have a new strategy for DD1s middle of the night tantrums... call for DH to come an take her.  That has really helped with any nighttime nastiness on my end.  Also I have been trying to mentally prepare for the worst in each situation so that I am prepared.  For example when getting DD1 into the car I need to be prepared that she might meltdown because of how her clothes feel, or freak out because her boots are bugging her etc.  When I am prepared for this kind of thing I handle it much better.

post #33 of 75

Good timing on this thread! I have lately been trying not to yell and generally doing much better than I used to. 

Right now I'm getting over a cold and a couple days ago I lost my voice, it hurt to talk.  I've been hoarse for a few days now and it's made me not yell! My guys are 4 and 6 and they definitely have me doing the repeat-their-names-20-times-before-listening etc.  But now instead of yelling the name louder and louder I've had to get down, touch them, look right at them and whisper what I'm trying to say.  And it's definitely at least as effective as the yelling.  :)   Maybe not a magic answer, but it's no worse, keeps me calmer and it's more pleasant for them I'm sure. 

post #34 of 75

I'm joining in!  My once very sweet, innocent 4yo DD has just been pushing me way beyond my limits lately.  The more I yell the more she yells.  So it gets us nowhere.  Some days I can be patient and handle her attitude just fine.  Other days I just take everything so personally.  And the most frustrating part... I know she is acting JUST like me when I was 4!

eyesroll.gif

post #35 of 75

I made it today, no yelling at the kids or dh, can't say the same for the dog though.... I raised my voice when telling her to "go away and stop sniffing my butt!" once or twice today.

post #36 of 75
Man, today was TERRIBLE!! I was very rough with my 5yo when I asked him to get dressed for the millionth time and he's running around like a crazy man. And I was just very short-tempered and irritable today. I'm wondering if it doesn't have something to do with my cycle...hmmm....off to check that out.
post #37 of 75

I did some yelling today, although frankly not too bad all considered. It seemed to be the day of obnoxious comments by strangers though. I tell DS to stop screaming (he decided he wanted a different high chair, after we'd lugged one all the way across the restaurant and I was not going back for another) and that I won't listen to his complaint until he stops. Lady at the next table huffily says "He can't eat that, she's telling him to eat it and it's toooo hoooot! You can seeeeee the steeeeeam coming off it!" Sigh. He's not screaming about the hot pasta, he's screaming about the high chair. We had a dalliance into screaming that he wanted more cheese on it, but he's gone back to screaming about the chair. He hasn't GOTTEN to screaming about the pasta yet lady. By the time he does, it'll be stone cold. Just sayin. I did calm him down, although we had to make a diversion into the bathroom first.

post #38 of 75
Thread Starter 

I REALLY wanted to yell yesterday. I felt the steam rising and the stress getting the better of me. I started to talk a little louder than normal and I could feel myself making such and ugly mad face. I stopped though and I'm so glad I did.

 

post #39 of 75
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post



 


.

 

i have an open door policy with yelling at and even cussing around my kids. frankly, it gets their attention. it relieves my tension and keeps me from feeling/acting mean. it brings the spotlight to the issue at hand and really makes my stubborn 3yo daughter focus on things through my repetition and vehemence, like putting on her shoes or cleaning up her messes.

 

most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.



Brooklyn mama,

I just want you to know that I understand what you are saying and don't see anything wrong with it for a lot of familes.

For me, when I react to the angry feeling I start to get, I feel shaky, upset, hot, fast heartbeat.............. it's just a TERRIBLE feeling. I also get VERY upset from other's yelling or looking aggressively. I find that when I stop and calm myself it avoids this escalation of physical crap that I can choose to go through or bypass.

In bypassing it, I don't mean bottling up (I don't think). I think I am able to process what really is going on and figure out if it's worthy of such a dramatic reaction.

Most of the time, no.

I do believe though, as mammal mamas, there ARE times for growling, but they are rare.

I am pretty good at recongnizing whats happening and have control over it, but every once in a while I BLOW and it's usually over chaos and kids acting crazy while I'm trying to do something important.

I know plenty of families that all yell at each other and it all blows right over. I really don't judge them- I know they love each other as much as we do- just think they are really loud!  For us, we are all pretty sensitive (except DH- he doesnt think yelling is upsetting). In our family, nothing "blows over". The kids and I get very upset. I need them to follow my lead, to prevent them from yelling and screaming about everything too. I will lose my mind if this house if full of yelling people.

 

 

 

post #40 of 75

Ive made it three, count them, THREE MORNINGS IN A ROW now, getting the kids up, ready, and out the door, alllllll by myself, with absoultly, posativly NO YELLING.  AND im pmsing.  not sure how im pulling it off.  Other then trying to stay in the right mindset as Im trudging forward.  Im also trying to stay posative BEFORE i go in to handle a task (ie. picking them up from school or getting the little guy out of bed, these are all major productions because matthew doesnt want to do anything I say) Its like my posative vibes litterally filter down to them.  amazing!  lol

 

Now, evenings are a little more hectic, but I didnt do to bad.  Wed is my class night, so I have to get them home, fed, cleaned up, and get out the door all in about an hour in a half.  Doing that with matthew hanging off my rear end can get a bit frustrating. 

 

I did get through bath night without raising my voice in anger ONCE.  Sure, I had to raise it so they could HEAR ME OVER ALL THE SPLASHING, SCREAMING, AND FIGHTING.  lol 

 

For my efforts, my 2 yo has begun telling me "mama, I wuboo semuch!" without any warning or prompting.  sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

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