weaning feelings

[spicy tomato]

My 3 1/2 y/o is weaning. For the past 6 months he has only been nursing to get to sleep. I went away for 2 nights (for the first time since he was born) and my husband worked though helping him sleep without Mommy.  He has fallen asleep without me 4 nights now. Right now I still have some milk. I have been waiting so long to be weaning so why am I sad? 

I have had 2 miscarriages while breastfeeding and even though breastfeeding probably had nothing to do with it, I do not want to try again until he is weaned. I just turned 40 so I don't feel like I have all the time in the world to get pregnant.

I don't love breastfeeding. It has been like a necessary evil for me. It has been both physically and emotionally uncomfortable for me at times. I trudged through the first year for his nutrition, his second year for nutrition and it enabled me to be more independent, the third year for the same, and this fourth year all that is left is nursing as a sleeping aid and the occasional extra nutrition/fluids when sick.

My body has not been the same while breastfeeding. I gained little to no weight pregnant, but breastfeeding I have a super sweet tooth and hunger pains that have led to weight gain.  I also think it impacts my desire for closeness with my husband.

I have so much to gain through weaning.

I have wanted this for so long.

So why am I sad? Has anyone else gone through this?

Why do I secretly want to nurse him?  What is this loss feeling?

[LizzieRed]

I totally understand your feelings about nursing and weaning!!  I was so frustrated and desperate to night wean my daughter, some nights I thought I would go crazy with sleep deprivation and claustrophobia when she "needed" to be latched onto me all night.  Instead of her nighttime nursing needs declining they increased from 18 months to 2 years and I started to really hate nighttime and dread nursing her.  After months of trying to set limits my DH and I decided to wean completely cold turkey and see what would happen.  Well...she is doing great, day 4 of no milk and she doesn't even ask!  Last night she only woke up once!  I thought I would be relieved, but I am totally heart broken!!  I asked her yesterday if she wanted to try some milk during the day and she actually said "No, I want bunny crackers instead".  I almost cried!!!  I am shocked that I am feeling such loss for what had become such a frustrating experience.  It is like I am changing back from a mother to a woman/wife....and I am a bit scared of that. 

I guess it is normal to grieve for the loss of a special part of your life, right?  Sort of like a breakup, maybe?  Plus maybe hormones are playing a part and making me a bit crazier.

Anyway...no specific advice...just wanted to let you know I understand the feelings and would love to read some other thoughts about how other Moms (maybe ones who have gone all the way through this) have felt.

[LCBMAX]

Wait, how did I suddenly turn 40 again and end up writing this original post from back in New England? You are the only other poster or real life person I've ever heard speak about such a complicated nursing relationship like I have had.

Differences: I'm 43, now live in NM and have the 3 yo that you had 6 months ago who only nurses at bedtime now (but not nursing to sleep - we quit that last summer.) Also, have not ever wanted the second child (at least not since I met the reality of having and nursing one.)

So dropping the morning and nap nursings just happened last week really, though it was creeping in that direction for awhile. Somehow, when my husband took my son out for a rare evening dance show, and we thought he'd try to get him down without nursing in the bedtime routine upon return, that made it really real for me that weaning means I won't be needed. Ultimately it didn't work and I was needed to get the late bedtime off the ground (or on the ground, in our case) but I sat home by myself with very mixed feelings.

I love that he is so bonded to his daddy, and that more and more independence is ahead for us all, and that my body will return to being my own, but... something. I know there's an element of giving up on the intimate opportunity to give him all I thought I would have transmitted by now, but haven't. And of giving up on the once long ago hope of ever enjoying nursing... 

Looking forward to hearing other answers, especially from those whose nursing experience was as marked by pain and discomfort of all kinds...